So Tired Of Negativity!

I just found out today that my mother has been talking with my grandmother a lot about the surgery (still waiting for approval). I went and visited my grandmother today and she informed me that my mother has exspressed her concern that I will "Leave my husband after surgery".....I was like Why??.. and then she goes into greater detail that "No one ever paid a lot of attention to you so your mother figures you will be overwhelmed by all the attention from guys and mess around on your husband." I didn't know whether to be very very angry or very very upset. I took the very angry route. My husband and I have been married for 4 years and reguardless if "everyone else" thought I was beautiful he did, and still does. I have herd the statistics for divorce after surgery but that does not mean everyone will end up that way. And I'm really starting to become agitated by people trying making accusations about things that haven't even happend. That comment to me bascially said that no one wants people that are overweight....and coming from my own mother made it worse. Thats one of the main problems I see with family and friends, they make it about everything besides what its really for. Instead of saying "She needs this, shes so young, and needs to get healthy." they say "Well she'll be skinny and want to mess around on her husband, and party all the time, think of all the clothes she'll be able to buy, etc. etc." GGRRRRRRR! Sorry ya'll just had to vent!!

Vent away Babycakes! I know I've had people make comments, to my husband, with me standing right there, about how I'm going to leave him. These comments have even come from fellow church members. My husband and I have been married 35 years. What makes someone get the idea that getting healthy and slim turns you into some kind of cheating floozy??

I'm sure this hurts even more coming from your own mother. Maybe you need to sit down and have a calm, heart to heart talk with her and let her know how this made you feel.

I would also warn your husband that he is probably going to hear stupid comments like this from people who think they are being funny and cute. I let my husband know that he isn't getting rid of me that easily. LOL

You'll be fine. Feel free to come here any time you need to vent though.

I know Susan's saying take the high road, but I don't think I could that is insulting on so many levels and to have your mother question your integrity! Well just SUCKS! C'ya Bob

I'm so sorry. We can take a  lot of comments, but when our mothers say things, it really hurts.

I think you should be angry and upset.  I would have a talk with my mom and let her know how I felt, get it out don't hold it in, it will just fester.  My MIL told my hubby the same thing, yet here we still are almost 5 years after my surgery.  This is one of those thing you will have to get use to, negativity from folks, it is just too bad it was your mom.  I will say a prayer that God tells you how to deal with this in a productive way.

darlene

The comments will be there, so be prepared.  When I read your post, I decided to do some research.  This is what I found:

The divorce rate for WLS patients after 5 years was 21%.  In other words, 79% of the people surveyed stayed together.  If you want the entire qarticle, click on the title below:

Bariatric Nursing and Surgical Patient Care

 

 

 

 

The Impact of Weight Loss Surgery on Romantic Relationships

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To cite this paper:
Katherine L. Applegate, Kelli E. Friedman. Bariatric Nursing and Surgical Patient Care. June 1, 2008, 3(2): 135-141. doi:10.1089/bar.2008.9976.

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Full Text PDF: • HiRes for printing (109.5 KB) • PDF Plus w/ links (113.5 KB)
Katherine L. Applegate, PhD Duke Center for Metabolic and Weight Loss Surgery Program, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Duke University Medical Center, Durham, North Carolina. Kelli E. Friedman, PhD Duke Center for Metabolic and Weight Loss Surgery Program, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Duke University Medical Center, Durham, North Carolina.
Weight loss surgery (WLS) patients can encounter diverse relationship issues as they consider, undergo, and live with bariatric surgery. This article explores ways in which WLS affects romantic relationships before and after surgery, as well as provides suggestions for clinicians to assist patients to plan healthy lifestyle changes within the context of a romantic partnership. WLS issues for couples can stem from the patients' and their partners' expectations, the patients' increase in energy, their enhanced confidence, and changes in appearance. Changes in sexual intimacy and beliefs about the stability of the relationship and risk of divorce after WLS are also common concerns. Overall, research suggests that WLS patients report improvements in relationship satisfaction and weight-related sexual quality of life after surgery, while experiencing minimal disruption to their marital relationships. Finally, suggestions are made for providers working with WLS patients on their relationship issues. These suggestions pertain to communication, the importance of accurate information, recruiting support, and obtaining psychological counseling when needed.

Ok I am going take a road that only Scott chose to take and please do not get angry at me but it is a fact.

FACT #1 Some people get so over whemed after the surgery they do not how to deal so they turn to...Sex, drugs,alcohol, and believe it or not food, and some even take up smoking again.

FACT #2 Some people become so intreverted they become recluses and refuse to leave their home.

FACT #3 Some people become so full of them selves that nobody wants to live with them again

FACT #4 DIVORCE is extreemly high after surgery so your marriage is very lucky if it survives this surgery, your motives may get questioned and even scrutinized.

So please do your research and talk things out with your family educate them and prepare them and your self for the extreem change that WILL happen. Their concerns are realistic its just up to you to make sure everone is informed and you prepare your marriage for the huge change it will have hit it.

 

Now with all that said many marriages do survive but I promise you its the marraiges that went through this process together and they went into this as a team.

So I hope this gave you a second view and you prepare yourself for a lot of hard work

OK I know Scott does his home work so going with that 21% divorce 79% don't how does that relate to the general public? I would bet thats not much higher then the National Average. Bob