People Will Talk

A few of us were discussing the other day how people (mainly co-workers) make comments about weight loss... such as:

"You need to stop losing so much weight."

"Enough is enough. When are you going to quit?"

"How much do you weigh now?"

Many people do not understand how gastric bypass works...  or how your diet may be.  They don't understand your need to drink protein shakes or eat supplements or even small amounts of food at a time.  Which leads me to this question:  what are some situations that you find yourself in since having surgery?  Do you feel a need to explain WHY you have lost so much and WHY you will continue to lose even though people say STOP STOP STOP?  Do you feel the need to explain when someone sees you eating a piece of sugar free candy?  I'll go first on this one.

I mentioned a few months ago to a coworker that my diet did not allow me to have sugar.  She knows about the surgery and immediately raised her brows with the question:  "YOU'RE NOT ON A DIET ARE YOU??!!"  And then she grew concerned that I was still trying to lose more weight.  I explained to her, NO I am not on a diet. I am not trying to lose any more weight.  I've lost 5 lbs in this past year and that helped me get to my goal so I stopped...  but by the word "diet", I didn't mean a program that helps me lose weight.  I used that as a substitute word to mean "my new way of eating".  Or, my regime.  And then she was fine with my answer.

Honestly, it's none of her business.  That's our first reaction:  how dare you!  I know she was asking out of concern but I've had other episodes while still in the losing phase where people didn't say it with a concerning tone.  Instead, they appeared to be rude, hateful and just butting in my business...

 

share your thoughts and experiences. 

I always get the "Your not supposed to be able to lose that much weight with the band" are you sure you are not sick?? People I am only in the normal weight range now at 130 lbs. They are just not used to seeing the new me.

I also get do you puke all the time, most people who have the band I have heard puke all the time??? WTH is that? No I don't puke all the time.

The other day we had a new employee in our department and they were talking about how small I was and one of the other employees piped up and said "Well she had the band done and that's how she's lost all her weight, if I had that done I could lose weight also." I wanted to say "Yes, you need the band", but I did not I was nice........for once!!

Before my WLS there was a friend on mine that tried her best to talk me out of it. I tried to get her to go to the seminars with me in the early stages, but nope. Then she told me that I "HAD" to have the band and not the RNY. I told her that it was my decision on which one, which doctor, which hospital,etc. She was not there for me the day of surgery, not even a call. Now this is a person that I have known all my life, her parents and mine went to school together and we always hung out together and done stuff. I got married and had two boys, she got married and had to boys. When I was going thru my divorce, she always want to hang out and if by chance I would get a date, she would get jealous. To this day she is still jealous. The marriage I was in was awful and the last time we talked her's was too. Because, I finally got out of mine and into a wonderful one and things started getting better for me, again she was so jealous, because she wouldn't take that step. To this day we rarely talk, the last time I seen her was at the Walk's yard sale at Wal-mart. She is suppose to walk with me in Sept. I just don't see it happening. She is overwieght and has been most of her life, but she says that she can get rid of her's by dieting. We all have probably heard that a time or two. When things happen...major or not we truely find out who our firends are. I really thought she would be there for me during all of this, but she hasn't. I have even invited her to the Lunch Bunch and Dinner Club events, but nothing. Say's she will be there and not show up and then 4-5 days later she might call and give me some lame excuse. So that is one of my stories, sorry it was so long.

Cheryl

It's sad to have friends who are not supportive of our decisions.  I wonder if they realize how their jealousy shows.  do they know? Do they care? That is the question.  Sometimes I don't think they themselves realize what the driving force is behind their inability to be supportive.  They might just say they are concerned.  Yes, but concerned about what? Concerned that they will be the largest?  I have a friend who used to call me and Mike fat.  She used to say hurtful things to us both.  We were all best of friends.  While she appears to be supportive, I have not seen her in a long time.  Mike and I both think that she won't come around because we are now thin, and she is now overweight.  We love her just the same!  We want to be loved just the same!  But it just didn't work out like that...  

I have noticed something in observing women.  I can't speak for men, but in women, if a lady loses 30 lbs, all other women are ooing and ahhh'ing over how great they are doing.  There is no threat if its just a few lbs.  Most weight loss folks on "regular diet means" never lose massive amounts of weight...  so then when the lady reaches 100 lbs gone, you start hearing "She looks terrible!  Is she sick?  I think she is anorexic."  It's stemmed from jealousy most of the time.  With wls patients, I think people just say "It's the easy way out" because they want to demean our experiences and happiness that we have with our own loss.  But ya know what? I love my surgery, and my surgeon, and I know that there are others in the bariatric community right here who love theirs too!!!  We will not let people steal our joy away. 

I hear it all the time from the "little old ladies" at church!  "You've lost too much weight", or "You'll blow away in a strong wind".  You know what?  I'd rather blow away than be tied down because of excess weight!

For years, it was all I could do to walk from my chair to the fridge!  I did not lose weight for beauty concerns.  I had surgery to give myself a better life!  A healthier life!  A longer life!

The other thing that bothers me, is when I tell somebody I've had WLS, the first question out of thier mouth is,  "Did you have any complications?"  Would you ask that of a woman who just had thier baby?  "Excuse me, when you son was born, did you have any comlications?"  There is no way you would ask that!

Sorry, my soap box seems to be a little tired, I think I will stop now!

You know, it is very frustrating to have to encounter these folks.  I just don't understand where some people get the nerve to ask what they ask.  I work with a bunch of folks that have really started asking, "How much more are you going to lose?"  "What is your goal weight?"  they even go so far as to say I'm too thin now.  Even my mother, God love her, has started asking everyday "How much have you lost now?"  Come on folks, give us all a break.  Those of us that are sitll losing are still in constant contact with our doctors and if we were in danger of becoming unhealthy, our medical team would certainly let us know.  I would never think of asking someone that was overweight, "So how much more weight are you going to gain?"  or "Don't you think you are big enough now?"

I usually try to be cordial to those that ask inappropriate questions, but here lately, it has just gotten to be too much.  So, I turn it around on them and ask/say, "Oh, I didn't know you were picking up a 2nd career as a doctor" or "When did you get your license to practice medicine?"  I go on to tell them that my weight loss is between me and my surgeon and we both have a goal committed too for where I will ultimately wind up and it is well within the normal limits for my height and my health.

The thing they all need to remember is that we didn't have this surgery to get skinny, we had this surgery to get healthy, the getting skinny part is just a wonderful perk of the whole process.

I've gotten the questions and comments about my weight loss continuing too. I just smile and tell them that my PCP and my surgeon are monitoring my health very closely and they are both very pleased with where I am.

For some of the little old ladies at church, I do assure them that I have reached my goal weight and, no, I do not plan on losing any more weight. I do know that they are truly concerned and not asking out of any jealous motive.

For the few ladies who have asked with that "you skinny *****" look in their eyes...I still smile and tell them that I need to either gain weight so my 4s fit or lose another few lbs to get into a 2. That usually shuts them up. No, I am not trying to get into a 2. I just enjoy watching their jaw drop when I say it. LOL