A More Serious Observation

Sometimes I have a thought on my mind.  And when I say it, others don't get the complete thought...  just the tale end of it.  (kind of like getting the punchline to a joke and not knowing what the original joke was!)  That makes it appear brunt, crass, or offensive.  I apologize for that, but you see, my social skills were stunted due to my obesity.  I lived very sheltered and remained to myself much of the time.  Except for those closest to me.  I am learning and working on this.  So allow me a moment to tell a story so that I can get it all out. Yesterday I made a funny about never getting freebies in the mail.  I made a joke that my mailman must have had gastric bypass and may be stealing my protein bars.  Later, I read some posters on another message board who had unsupportive, non wls people make comments to them as if gastric bypass had been the root problem of all their troubles.  It got me to thinking...  so few hours later, I continued on with my joke about the mailman, whom I have never met...  it could be a mail woman for all I know...  how if they had gastric, then I listed a bunch of stuff that I have heard in my own life, or someone I know has encountered these problems.  So all jokes aside, I decided I would make my official thought out serious observation. Weight loss surgery is not the cause of people's problems.  It just so happens that weight loss surgery patients are everyday people.  They are human.  they fall in the same category as the rest of "fallen and depraved man".  We all have the propensity to do wonderful things and make a difference in the world.  On the reverse side of the coin, we all have the propensity to do grave danger to others and ourselves.  Our hearts are extremely good, and extremely bad.  But we were given the gift of self will, we get to choose what we will do in this life. So, since we are all people, let's take a little look at some of the things we could choose to do, whether good or bad....:  get married, have affairs, get divorced, have children, drink, do drugs, gamble, bad investments... the list just goes on and on. I don't like it when I hear of someone who blames weight loss surgery when someone has a problem.  Why? Because even without wls, they would still have problems.  Maybe the same one, maybe a completely different type. How many of us have heard in our own lives our journeys some of these things?  And, what other types of comments have you endured or had others close to you endure?

Dear Mel,

You know I love it when you post things that are very funny, they make me laugh until I cry and that's something I think we all need from time to time. Yes, I too have heard the things that WLS make people do. One can almost compare it with doing evil, just out of pure spite, and saying the devil made me do it.

For example...ahem....my pastor's wife. Oh, she's the worst one that I have ever encountered. Her words to me were.........."you just want to have that surgery so you can get married, oh you'll be looking for a boyfriend then". Those words have hindered our relationship. It's like she's put me in this, as long as you're fat you'll be here with us, catagory and I resent that. I could have chosen to be a fat, rebellious woman with all kinds of boyfriends, but I chose not to. She is not a very good deciple of God's and I know she doesn't represent Him when it comes to WLS. Oh here's another one, don't do it you'll die. I loathe that remark. Simply because I could die at any given moment with my health problems. I'll go when God pulls my time card and so will they.

I can't forget my endocrinologists remark, "just don't go crazy after you have it and try to kill yourself." I was crazy long before my PCP or I even thought about surgery. Yet, he is anxiously awaiting the postop results. LOL

I tell you it takes all kinds to make the world go around and if the weird, eclectic thoughts of some concerning WLS could be used for gas, we could all drive an SUV and never ever have to worry about running out of fuel or high prices again.

But in the meantime I will laugh at the uneducated and undereducated  and continue on this wonderful journey, I'm about 3 weeks away from surgery and loving it, I can't wait for the 21st to come.


Diane

Those are some great thoughts, Diane.  I remember looking at the "before/after pictures" section on this site and seeing people who had no boyfriend and a year later, they were married!  I made a comment to Mike about how these women were getting married, and weight loss sure did a lot for them...  I myself felt unattractive and didn't love "me".  I had no boyfriends.  I silently wanted one, but acted like it didn't matter. It DID MATTER, I'm hear to tell you.  We secretly hide our pain, often times by just avoiding subjects altogether, or making jokes to laugh it off (which I was guilty of both). I lost all my weight, then I went searching for a boyfriend.  I was ready.  I felt I looked better, felt better, and I was finally presentable.  yes, I admit that there is some unhealthiness to that thinking...  it is a shame that I did not feel all of those things BEFORE my surgery and LOVE myself as is.  I wasn't at that place though.  The weight so changed my personality, made me withdraw, isolate myself, and I felt so unworthy and unlovable.  BUT, my question is:  why is it wrong to find someone to spend our lives with?  So what if we do it before we lose weight, after we lose weight?  I would never want someone to live his/her life alone if they want companionship, someone to share their life with.  I know its not the way they intend it to sound, but in a sense, what your pastor's wife said to you kind of sounds like "can't you just be happy the way you are right now? why do you need (fill in the blank) to be happy?"  Things such as a mate, to be healthier by being thin... %3 but in a sense, what your pastor's wife said to you kind of sounds like "can't you just be happy the way you are right now? why do you need (fill in the blank) to be happy?"  Things such as a mate, to be healthier by being thin... %3rs get to share the joys and even the sorrows, essentually it belongs to you and no one else...  My .049 cents worth for the day!