Huge meltdown for me-kinda long sorry

I know that I posted the other day with what all was going on with me and I appreciate all the postive feedback. Well yesterday, was a bad day for me. All I wanted to do was cry, whenever something went wrong. I didn't feel like doing anything yesterday, feeling that I would not do it right or whatever. I had mopped the kitchen and for some reason one of my dogs, kept missing the pee-pee pads that I had down. So everytime I cleaned that up, it upset me. My youngest son that has a daughter that we don't get to see, is wanting to take the mom back to court and fight for visitation. He is to the point that if they don't get visitation set, he is willing to sign over his parental rights. I can't belive he is doing this. His girlfriend currently is due on 09/22 and is so jealous of the other baby and mom it is unreal. Me and her are not talking, because I have been trying to stay in tough with the baby and her mom. So when I do hear from them I tell my son, well he tells is current girlfriend, that starts a problem. So I can't help to think that she is putting him up to this. She see's the child support money going out, but they don't see the baby.  I hope that I am wrong on this part. I don't know if I am going to be kept out of this baby's life also. Before all this started I was going to the doctor's visits with her. Well that has all stopped and I have'nt seen her since the last week in March. If I need to get in touch with my son, I send her a text and tell her that I need to talk to him, she tells him and he will call me back. I was basically told by her not to ring her phone. I have tried talking to my son about all of this and he just blows it off and says she is not mad at me, she is just stressed out with the pregancy. I feel like I am mad at myself because I can't fix all of this and get back on track with my weight. I don't think I need a fill, because some days I can hardly eat by the book and other days I can eat just about anything I want. I was doing great before Easter and with everything going on with me and Phil since then, my weight has either stalled or went the other way. I am misreable, I'm so disapointed in myself, I feel like I have let everyone down, including myself. I want to get back to feeling like I was before all of this started. My legs have started swelling again, the support hose that I have are so streched out now I think they are doing more harm than good. My knees are bothering me, they feel like I have vice grips on them. Oh and as if I dont' have enough going on, I have hurt my right arm some how. Phil says it sounds like I have torn my rotor cuff. It doesn't hurt all the time, but when it does it brings tears to my eye and there have been a couple of days to where I would have to take something stronger than Advil for the pain. Like I said yesterday was rough, the least little thing got me upset. I could not keep hardly anything down.I'm not sure what to do with all of this. I just can't seem to shut my brain off and not worry about stuff. I know that I sound like a broken record, I'm sorry. Thanks for letting me vent, it is 12:30 and yep I'm up and can't sleep once again. Cheryl

Oh Cheryl Honey,  I am so sorry you are going through this!  YOu are in my thoughts and prayers.  I know that feeling you are having and it's called depression.  Have you acalled your Primary care about this?  If you are not on anything for depression talk to your Dr and have him prescribe something for it.  Don't take Ambien though!!  You have enough problems without the side effects of that! LOL!  You will get to see this new baby - stay postitive and focused.  If need be, use the grandparents rights rules that are out there.  How old is this new mother?  Does she need guidance? Maybe you just need to set her down and talk to her and tell her how you feel and listen to her and how she feels and work things out.  I don;t know if your a praying woman, but go the the Lord in prayer - just talk to him - and he will listen!!  He may not answer your prayer in the time we want it answered or in the manner we want but he will listen and answer.  You just need to talk to God.  That is my sermon for today!  Have a grea day and take care.  We LOVE YOU!!!   Beth

Cheryl, You are not alone inn this!  Feel free to let off steam here anytime you want, that's what this board is for...SUPPORT!!!!  Not only in the realm of weight loss, but support in general.    I'm sorry you are going through this.  There is no way I can even begin to say I understand how you feel.  But I can say I hear your frustration, anger, and other things through the words you type.  I wish there was some magic bullet (not the protein bullet !LOL), but something that could take away your emotional and physical pain.  No one, and I repeat no one should have to go through the things you are going through.   Understand this, If I could I would walk right over to your house and take away the troubles you are going through real quick.  Unfortunately I can't.  But there is someone who can!  I realize a lot of times it seems that God can't, or doesn't, hear our prayers, but I know he does!   there is a song that has really spoke to me this week, especially in my darkest times!  The words are below: And I’ll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I’ve cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm It's a song by Casting Crowns called "I Will Praise You in The Storm".  Know that we are praying for you and Phil everyday, and we will continue.  You and your husband are some of the best people I have ever met.  And you deserve some rest!  Try to get some sleep!  ?Oh yeah..."Happy Fathers Day Phil!

Cheryl, I am so sorry that you are feeling bad, both physically and emotionally.   I agree with Beth, you are depressed!!!  Please call your primary care doc and get something for depression, and if you are already on something, ask to have it increased.  You will be amazed how much better you will feel in about 4 weeks.  I also agree, take it to the Lord.  He hears all our woes.  You are in my prayers. Marilyn

Cheryl, I understand the emotions you are going through. I've been there, when the smallest thing will send you spiraling into devastation.  I think Beth's suggestion to look into anti-depressants is right on. And, it doesn't necessarily mean to be on them forever. It may be just to get you through the harder times. I have been on them many times before but only for brief periods when I needed help coping. Often, it wasn't that things were so bad, just that I wasn't capable of handling them at that moment. Outside of "happy pills", I am a huge believer in behavioral changes. Meaning, even though I can't change the cir****tances, I change how I react to them. But, that's just how I've tried to do things.  It sounds cliche but accept the things you cannot change. Cheryl and Phil... I know absolutely that you all can and will get through this. Your health and cir****tances WILL improve! We are here for you. If you want to yell, curse or cry... you have my number. And, I concur with Scott and Beth. Take it to God.  Dawn put in a post the other day something I had also heard a long time that I've held on to. God will NOT take you to something he won't take you through. Back in my early 20's, I was going through some things. I was struggling to understand God's place in my life while coping with traumatic family issues. I was driving home from work and passed a church I passed every day. I would always read the sign in front to see what inspirational message was put up that week. My heart had really been in pain and my soul was searching for understanding. I glanced at the sign and it said "A smooth sea never made a good sailor". For some reason, a light bulb went off in my head. At that moment, I realized that what God was taking me through was not punishment or that he didn't care. He was creating me to be a walking testimony to struggle and the ability through HIM to overcome. God is blessing you all. I know sometimes it's hard to see. But, through your struggle you will become a testimony to lift someone else up. Call me if you need me!

Chandra that was awesome. Cheryl I will pray for you and your family. I also agree with Beth about depression. I deal with depression and the meds. that I take also helps with my arthritis and fibro. pain. Cheryl just know that you're not alone.

Cheryl  I don't have all the answers or the solution. I do have my prayers and friendship which are avail to you at any tie. Just know we all have our struggels personal and with weight loss. Just know you have friends who care. You have the lord above and youh ave a great husband who loves you. It helps to look at all the blessings you do have, that is what helps me get threw the bad times. Love you and know I am here for you.

Cheryl, I really feel for you. It is so hard to watch your children make mistakes and so frustrating when they refuse to listen to older and wiser heads. As much as you want to be a part of both your granchildren's lives, it seems to be out of your hands at the moment. All you can do is what you perceive to be best for everyone no matter who it offends. You son's girlfriend is being a kid, irrational and insecure. It is sad and frustrating but you cant change her attitude. If your son is letting her call the shots and attempt to manipulate everyone involved, there isn't much you can do about it. I think the best thing to do is try to find peace with the fact that you have done your best to work things out. You may have to just let it go and take care of yourself for a while. As much as we want to we cant tell our grown kids how to live their lives and we cant choose their mates for them. I am understanding this so well right now. My husband is killing himself supporting my daughter, who is on maternity leave, and my son in law, *****fuses to get a job, and his sister, who they invited to stay with us without even asking us. We are providing room board and food and have nothing but complaints. I am to the point of throwing them all out, if not for my daughter's pregnancy. While cooking dinner tonight, I was told that the sister doesn't like the way I make mashed potatoes and could I fix hers differently. My unhappy reply was "eat it or starve." It is free food for crying out loud. Sorry I didn't mean to vent here but I can feel your pain. Please PM if you would like to talk more. I would be happy to call you if you would like to talk on the phone. Not sure if I can help, but I do understand. Blessings, Karen

Hi Cheryl,

  Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...