I don't like what's happening...

…to me, or my life!  Don’t get me wrong, I love what’s happening to me and my life, I’m just not happy.  I don’t like the fact that I have to work 2 jobs to support my family.  That’s my decision though!  I don’t like the fact that I have to get up at 3 a.m. Monday through Friday and I am unable to get in bed at a decent hour.  That’s my decision though!  I don’t like the fact that I’m not as active in my support group as I have been in the past.  That’s my decision though! And I TRULY don’t like the fact that I am not being as supportive on the boards as I once was!!!!!  That’s my decision though!   It seems depression has once again grabbed my life by the horns!  So, you better believe I will be taking care of that! I know and understand that support is a 2 way street.  I feel as if I have let my friends and my self down, simply because I am not here, on the TN boards, as much as I should be There use to be a saying that says…”S**T Happens!  I like to refer to it as “LIFE happens”.  Because of my commitments (by this I mean my crazy schedule), I have been unable to offer support via the written word, or in person, for a long time and it drives me crazy!  I read every post, every morning.  During the day at work, I check out the boards every chance I get.  As soon as I get home in the evenings, I jump on the computer and see who’s posted.  Then my brain goes into shut down mode and I just collapse because I am so tired.  I say to myself, “Self, you can answer these post in the morning”.  Unfortunately, in the morning all I do is read and the vicious cycle starts all over again!  I truly apologize for not being here for all of you wonderful people, or for myself!  You see, when I talk to all of you, I’m truly talking to myself! I sit here typing this while popping my supplements and drinking an Matrix Orange Cream Protein drink.  I guess I just needed to get this off my chest more than anything!  Thanks for listening!

So for all those persons who have just started this journey, congrats!  It will be the best decision you will ever undertake!  For those that have just been approved, the 2 week liquid diet is not bad at all!  For those who have recently had surgery, sip, sip, sip and walk, walk walk!  For those in post-op, there will be good days and bad, but it will be worth it!  And for my friends who are in the process of Plastics, don’t ever think of this as the end of a journey, it’s just another port of call on this cruise we call life!

Where am I as I type this, I am at 5 months out, and have lost a total of 142 pounds (85 since surgery)!  My energy level is through the roof.  I feel great at being able to do things that were a burden in the past.  Everything is fantastic; except I don’t like what’s happening!  That’s going to change though!  You see, that’s my decision! Thanks for listening guys!  I Love Ya!

 

 

What a wonderful and honest post Scott. I totally understand what you are saying. I too am going through a depression right now and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I appreciate your support and really enjoyed meeting you and your family at the picnic. Things will work out as long as we understand what is going on and take the appropriate steps to fix them. ((Hugs)) Oh yeah, I'll be in Fayetteville next weekend. : )

Very nicley written.  I hate that you have to work so hard, but I know you and know what we O'Neals are made of- pure driven stubborness.  You will get thur this and life will be easier once again.  I applude you for taking a stand and helping support your family- It makes me very proud to call you my brother.  Love ya and take care. Melissa

Scott my dear friend you are onw awesome person and we all love ya ! You have dome so great and looking ta the pic of you from the picnic yuou look so slim and trim. There are lot of things going on for you but you must do what you must do to make it by and support your family. Just know we are here to support you and encourage you because we are YOUR family too and that's what we arehere for. Lift up that chin my friend and be VERY PROUd of what you have achieved. Big ole southern ( Hug)

          ~~~~HUGS~~~~

 

let me tell you something MR you have been a huge inspiration and  form of support for all of us especially me I am out of state until the 1st of the year so y'all are all I got.  You do your thing and make sure you take care of that wonderful family you have we in turn are here for you.

 

Love you guys Bunches 

Scott,  The old bible lesson it's better to give then receive, maybe should say it's easier to give then receive.  I know your always at the ready to help anyone as am I but it seems we have difficulty accepting help or asking for help. I don't know if its a guy thing "I can handle it".  But what we forget is that we rob others of the gift of giving. I'm glad you posted and as usual your honesty is refreshing.  Your right life should not be this hard! If you don't work so hard you feel guilty your not a good provider and when you work long hours you feel guilty your not at home spending quality time with the family.  It's the old catch 22 and sorry but it sucks!  But it is what it is.  I hope the dark cloud passes quickly. Your a great guy who I'm privileged to call friend! If you need to blow off steam you have my number call anytime (yes even 3am).   Take care C'ya Bob

Life happens.  For sure!  We all get busy and allow things to gain our attention.  That's ok.  We miss each person when they are not here, and we don't feel abandoned!  We just figure that they are busy.  However, on a bad note, sometimes we also don't know what people are really going through.  Such as recently when Tawyna posted how she had some very discouraging times and no one knew to be there and ask "How are you?"  THAT is what makes me feel like I failed someone else!  Like I missed something that I should not have missed.  Scott , I'm sorry you have had some depression lately.  I hope things slow down for you soon and please keep taking good care of yourself or else it will really get out of control and you'll find yourself sick and just wore out exhausted, burnt out.  Let us know if we can do something for you.  We do miss all of our folks when the are away but we don't ever take it personal but know everyone has busy lives.  We dont want to overlook those who might be having problems and need us though.  That's why we are a support group... here to support, love and edify one another.  Sometimes, we just gotta holler and say "YOO HOOO!  Over here!  Need a lifeline thrown out at me!"

Thank you Scott, I couldn't have said it any better.  I miss the board, the support, the get togethers.  I know I'll be unable to attend the dinner club this weekend.  I have more throat surgery on Thursday.  But I know that no matter what, God is with you, me, and everyone on this board.  If he wasn't with me daily, I would never have been able to go thru three surgeries within 2 weeks. His hands have been there holding me up when all I wanted to go is give up.  You are my source of inspiration.  God made you for a reason.   I wish I could be on the board more then I have been.  It's hard to believe that I've been a member for 4 years.   Just trust in God to help you thru all this.   Love to you and your family,  Kathy

Thanks guys for all the response and uplifting words!  It means an awful lot to know that people are they when we need them!  I've said it once, and I'll say it again.   If you look up the definition for support it would have the OH TN Board as an example.  In other words, you guys are the definition of support!

Scott,  I certainly understand depression.  It sucks!  I want you to know how much I appreciate you.  You were the first person to respond to a message I wrote on the board back in October before our surgeries.  I knew you had been really busy and I hate you have to work 2 jobs.  Since surgery, I have had to as well, but luckily, one of mine is done right here at home on my computer on my own time.  Paying for this surgery has really put a crimp in my budget as I imagine it has in yours.  But, it is worth it.  Last night, I had a niece visiting from Florida.  She is about about 150 # overweight and asked about the surgery for her daughter who is about 200 # overweight. I was telling her about the surgery and the importance of the support group.  I told her (and I meant it) that without the online support I would not be able to do this.  I depend on it everyday. Scott, you and Beth are the best!! Marilyn