I had the RNY but hubby is haveing issues

Laura Brackbill
on 9/27/06 12:14 am - Gallatin, TN
First let me start off be saying . My hubby was very supportive of me haveing the surg and as far as my part of it goes still is . That being said he is haveing real issues with me lossing this weight . He himself is overweight and tpart of him feels that he is going to be the only "fat" one in the house as he puts it and pretty skinny girls never wanted him so I won't either . I have told him how wrong he is . He has been such a wonderful husband . I don't know many men who would take on a blind disabled wife and 2 kids but it has never phased him . Now he is grouchy and snappy and I don't know how to help him . I know he has to make the desision to become more healthy himself . I can not do that for him and he won't go to counseling . I am just so sad for him . Ok I have vented now Thanks Laura
Kathy Newton
on 9/27/06 2:05 am - LaVergne, TN
Hi Laura, I hear this too often. Tell DH that if he wants to be healthier and be around longer to see about having the surgery too. Tell him you married him not for just his body but because of his heart and that you love him. Even when you lose the weight, you will still love him. Right now his ego is bruised and thnks you won't need him when you lose the weight. He needs to be reassured. Ask him to have the surgery too, so that you both can live and grow old with each other. My man is over weight, but that doesn't bother me, I love him for his caring heart and he's proud of what I have accomplished. He knows I'm not after his money, just him. Talk to dh and let him know that no matter if he loses the weight or not, you will still love him. But if he wants to live longer and watch the children grow up, to become a grandparent, then he should consider the surgery for his own life and health. Tell him you still need him and the children need him for a long time to come. I really hope he'll change his mind and go for the surgery, or his attitude will change. You're in my prayers, Love Kathy
hallhollo
on 9/27/06 4:46 am - Kingston, TN
My husband is always saying that I am going to leave him after I have my surgery. Even though he is having the surgery too he still thinks that he will not be good enough. We are starting couples counciling with Dr. Phelp in Knoxville. He has been a great psychologist and my husband has been seeing him even after he got the psychological release for the surgery. I think Dr. Phelp has a lot of experience with people's weight/self esteem issues. Maybe your husband would reconsider going to couple's therapy? Janie
Laura Brackbill
on 9/27/06 6:27 am - Gallatin, TN
Thanks I keep telling him I love him and need him . I never maried him for outward apperance,, Hey I am blind I see so little anyaway. He has the kindest heart and I ell him that too .He has told me he is not brave enough to have the surg so I know he won't go that route We have had alot of changes in our lives nw house , me with a new start on life and he has a new job I am hopeing things setle soon Laura
sharonc
on 9/27/06 9:17 am - rutledge, TN
the night before my surgery, my husband and i got into a very heated arguement. up until that night, he was supportive, i don't know if he got scared, or the fact that he had the flu, was the problem, but i left that night and went to my moms, sometimes, 6 months later, he says that i am different, since the surgery, and he is right, i am happier with my self and life in general, i guess sometimes i am a little self centered but i think when we are fat, that we try to give and give, and take alot of things from people just because we aren't happy with who we are, maybe, he is a little scared, and, a little unhappy with his weight, he isn't losing, but you are, so it may be alittle bit of competition, but, tell him that you have been with him this long, and you look forward to a life the 2 of you can have together since you are healthier and happier, and tell him you will help him in any way you can. so that you both can enjoy your relationship to its fullest. sharon
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