I need to vent....

Hi everyone. Well the test results from the CT Scan, MRI, and Bone scan. I have spurs and a bulging disk in my neck, a cyst on my right femor in the thigh, it's been there for so long, I completely forgot about it, it showed benign anyways. I also found out why it hurts to breath, I have some kind of garbage in my left lung and emphazima. (sp). I am to see the pain clinic next week when I get back from Nashville for the spurs (9/6) and an Anthesiologist (9/8) for the bulging disk for an epidural nerve block. There is no way will I allow anything stuck into my spine. I've been thru the nerve blocks some time ago, causing me to lose a lot of spinal fluid, and the nerve block never helped. Plus with it having steroids in them, I can't take steriods. So they can either operate and fix the bulging disk and remove the spurs or just put me on a powerful pain pill when it's the worst like at night. I swear I am tired of falling apart. Isn't having leukemia enough, now I have to have a lung disease to go with it, spurs and bulging disk? For me having this surgery was a God send, I was supposed to get better. Even in my weight baring joints weren't suppose to hurt when I lost the weight, but now I am getting shots in my knees for the pain. For some it really helps them in the joints getting extra weight off them. But mine hurt because of the excess fat and flab going down to my knees from the thighs. Thanks for just listening. I just needed to unload inside or scream. I know I am in good hands, as I walk with God, but what I can't figure out is why is the Devil so bent on making me hurt and be miserable. He needs to learn to take a step backwards and leave me alone. With love Kathy

Kathy, you are in my prayers! We hear you and we are here for you so just keep venting as you see the need to. I hope you get all better soon! Miss Virgo

my thoughts are with you.... I wonder too--at times...WHY God...does what he does...I know I shouldnt doubt my faith......we just have to believe--that HE knows why.. and HE will see us through our troubled times........ YOU do know you are in good hands..sooo KEEP the faith- girl!!....... oxoxoxox MARIA

HUgs Sweetie Vent all you want . Remember God is a God of love but we poor frail humans must live our mortal lives in a world of natrual law.. A hard leason to swallow as I lost most of my sight . I just keep holding on to the fact that all will be perfect ONE DAY . If this world were perfect we would not long for HOMe with God . Laura

Hi Laura, I wish someone would inform the devil he can't have me and I won't give into his aggrivation. I know that one day I will be pain free and made whole again, so he might as well give up and go find a corner some where else. God doesn't test our faith, the devil does. He won't win, I am stronger then that. I would just love to be able to hold my head up without the intense burning from the spurs and bulging disk in my neck. I can handle anything except this intense pain. Makes my tummy upset so I can't keep my chemo pills down. thank you, Laura for your understanding. Love ya, Kathy

Hi Maria, I wonder what God has in store for me, but I blame the little red devil for all the problems. He's testing me, but it won't work. I haven't come this far and lose the weight I have lost to give up now. I know I am in good hands, and i appreciate this board more then anyone will ever know. I only know 2 people outside of my Dr.'s in Morristown so when I want to vent, I come online to do that. I appreciate the support and prayers as I fight this pain and the throwing up my chemo pills. I know that I will be made whole again some day and I will be pain free. You take care and know you are in my thoughts daily. Love Kathy

I just wanted to let you know that I am here if you need me, no matter what time of day or night.........You have inspired so many people and you still have to go thru HELLI am so sorry that trials and trivialations are putting you to the test, but this you will overcome in some kind of way I will be thinking of you.....Tina

Thanks Tina, the devil is sure testing me. But I strongly believe that God wouldn't have allowed this surgery if he didn't have something special for me. That faith will never waiver. He walks with me everyday. Most of the time, I can deal with what is thrown at me, but the devil just keeps putting more on me and regardless of it all, I still lean on God. Thank you for your kind words. May God travel with you on your new journey, Kathy

Hi Kathy, I know I haven't visited the TN boards in forever. I just want to say that u r looking great. U r also in my thoughts & prayers for everything else thats going on.. Hugs Angela in Ky

Thanks Angela, the picture will be changed soon. That was taken on Mother's day and I've lost 50 more lbs since then. I am having my pic taken while I am in Nashville this weekend with my sons and grandsons. I will also be meeting up with Toni, Melinda, and Susan while I am there for lunch. Can't wait to see Toni again and meet the other two. Promises to be a great time while I am there. It's just I keep falling out of my clothes. One day they fit the next they are too big. Oh well. Such is life in the fast lane. Thank you for the prayers. I cancelled my appointment with the anthesologist for next week, he only does steroid injections and I can't have steroid injections or be given anything with steroids. So I am taking a cd of my tests with me to the VA and see what they can do for me. I just know that my neck burns like putting ben gay on wet skin. Be good, love Kathy