I hate the scale!!!

Tonya! You are doing wonderful! Just look at your photos. The proof is all right there. You look beautiful! That scale will move again. You are doing everything right. You can't fail. We are all here for you! Kathy

Kathy, Thanks sooooooooooo much...you're a sweetie . I was having a bad day...which sometimes requires me to have a "Pitty Party" I'm over it! I realize that Rome wasn't built in a day, and that I need to keep things in perspective. It's nice to know I'm not alone in my struggles...and with such awesome support, how can I fail How are things going with you Kathy? I pray you're doing "GREAT"!!! Tonya

I'm feeling like a new woman now that the drain is out. It had gotten so tender and irritated, I didn't hardly even want to move. Plus I am getting in my protien very easily now. So today, I am going to try to clean up this dump I've been calling a house. It was hard to sit here and just look at it for so long. I was going to call Merry Maids, but it is so dirty, I was too embarassed! Believe me, I know about pity parties, I throw a mini one for myself at least once a day when I see a pizza commercial. Kathy

Kathy, Your too funny I'm still playing catch-up with house work. With family there's always something do right? And we wouldn't have it any other way Well maybe, I could live without having to clean another toilet...I live in a house full of men, I'm the only female...if you get my meaning I know it's a relief to have that drain finally out. I'm happy to know you're doing so well. Tonya

NOW MS TONYA ... I'M OFF THE BOARD FOR A COUPLE DAYS & YOU FALL APART ON ME ... WHAT AM I TO DO WITH YOU? WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! I DROPPED IN TO POST A COUPLE NOTES ABOUT UPCOMING MUSC MEETINGS BUT I SEE THAT THERE IS A CRISIS HERE! OK, HERE GOES MY DEAR FRIEND ... THIS PROCESS HAS 3 MAJOR CATAGORIES IN WHICH WE CAN JUDGE SUCCESS OR OUR NEED TO CHANGE EVEN FURTHER ... HEALTH ISSUES LIFESTYLE ISSUES WEIGHT & SIZE LOSS NOTICE THAT I PUT "WEIGHT & SIZE LOSS" LAST, NOT FIRST. IT IS TRULY THE LEAST IMPORTANT, BUT THE ONE WE MISTAKENLY USE THE MOST. I WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 118-125-140 BUT RIGHT NOW AT 211, ALLLLLLLLLLL MY CO-MORBS HAVE DISAPPEARED & I NO LONGER TAKE 26 DOSES OF PRESCRIBED MEDICATION A DAY. SO, WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT? THAT I AM NOT AT MY GOAL WEIGHT OR THAT MY HEALTH HAS IMPROVED DRAMATICALLY & I'M OFF ALL MEDICATIONS EXCEPT MY HEART MEDS? YOU SEE, I COULD BE 118 RIGHT NOW & STILL BE IN THE WORST HEALTH OF MY LIFE ... WHAT WOULD THE 118 # GOAL MEAN THEN? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BECAUSE IF MY HEALTH HADN'T IMPROVED, BEING 118 WOULDN'T HAVE ANY TRUE VALUE ... IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE A CRUEL JOKE PLAYED ON ME ... FAT & UNHEALTHY IS NO DIFFERENT THAN THIN & UNHEALTHY ... UNHEALTHY IS THE KEY. AS FOR LIFESTYLE ISSUES ... I'M SOOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE ACTIVE NOW ... ABLE TO WALK & DO THE EVERYDAY THINGS OF LIFE OTHERS TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT I COULD NO LONGER DO ... HOUSE WORK ... GO SHOPPING OR EVEN GROCERY SHOPPING ... WALK, JUST BE ABLE TO WALK ... MORE DAILY ACTIVITIES WITHOUT NEEDING HELP (LIKE GETTING IN & OUT OF THE SHOWER ... FORGET THE TUB - IF I GOT IN IT, I NEEDED A CRANE & 10 PAIN PILLS TO GET OUT OR HAD TO ENDURE THE HUMILIATION OF NICK HAVING TO HELP ME ... GETTING IN & OUT OF OUR LITTLE SPORTS CAR ... WALKING UP & DOWN STAIRS ... ENJOYING SEX WITHOUT JOINT & BACK PAIN ... LIKE WHEN WE JUST MET NATALIE AT HER SIFE COMPETITION IN CHARLOTTE, NC - NOT ONLY DID I DRIVE ALL THE WAY THERE, BUT I WAS WALKING ALL OVER THE PLACE THAT WHOLE DAY & THEN WE DROVE BACK. I COULDN'T HAVE ENJOYED THAT TRIP BEFORE SURGERY ... THE PAIN WOULD HAVE BEEN EXCRUCIATING. NICK & I JUST WORKED IN THE YARD FOR THE 1sT TIME THIS SEASON. LAST SEASON, I WASN'T EVEN ABLE TO DRIVE THE RIDING MOWER BECAUSE OF THE PAIN I WAS IN ... I SURE CAN NOW - MOWED THE WHOLE YARD & HELPED WEED. LAST YEAR, I COULDN'T EVEN WALK TO THE BACK OF MY BACK YARD TO SET UP THE SPRINKLERS BECAUSE BY THE TIME I GOT THERE, I WOULD BE HUFFING & PUFFING SO BAD THAT I WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE TO FALL DOWN ON THE GROUND TO "REST"; THEN, I'D HAVE TO FIGURE A WAY TO GET UP & SET UP THE SPRINKLERS & BY THE TIME I GOT BACK IN THE HOUSE, I'D HAVE SWEAT POURING OFF ME, MY HEART WOULD BE RACING, I'D BE FLUSHED & FEELING LIKE I WAS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK ... NOT ANY MORE. I JUST STARTED MY SPRING CLEANING WHICH I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO FOR ABOUT 3 YEARS. I COULD GO ON & ON BUT THE POINT IS THAT I'M NOW ABLE TO LIVE AN ACTIVE LIFE & IT GETS BETTER DAY BY DAY. NOW WE COME TO THE WEIGHT & SIZE LOSS ... SIZE LOSS IS EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN WEIGHT LOSS BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE SEE ... OUR BODIES SHRINKING & THE SIZES GETTING SMALLER. SO, I COULD LOSE 20 #s & LOSE 1 SIZE OR MAYBE EVEN 2 SIZES IF I WAS EXERCISING. THE 20 #s ISN'T AS IMPORTANT AS HOW WE ARE NOW ABLE TO PRESENT OURSELVES TO THE WORLD & HOW WE VIEW OURSELVES IN OUR OWN MIND'S EYE. RIGHT NOW AT 211, I'VE GONE FROM A 4X TOP TO A 1X OR A 16W-18W TOP & A 12W-14W KNIT TOP ... FROM A 36W-38W DOWN TO AN 18W PANT. I'M ALMOST INTO "MISSES" FROM "WOMENS". THE CLOTHES ARE NICER, MORE FEMININE. I FEEL SEXIER & SHAPLEY IN THEM ... I STAND TALLER WITH MY SHOULDERS BACK & MY HEAD UP LOOKING EVERYONE IN THE EYE WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE. THE ABSOLUTE BEST PART IS THAT MY DREAMS ARE COMING BACK ... I HAVE HOPE FOR OUR FUTURE ... I KNOW I CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND & EFFORTS TO BECAUSE I'M DEFEATING OBESITY DAY BY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT, IF I TAKE YOUR EQUATION OF SUCCESS, THEN I'M NOT SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE I HAVEN'T LOST AS MUCH WEIGHT AS OTHERS OR I HAVEN'T HIT THAT "100 #s IN 6 MONTH" MALARKEY. WHAT? YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT "I" WASN'T SUCCESSFUL; YOU SAID THAT "YOU" WEREN'T BECAUSE THE SCALES WEREN'T WHERE YOU WANTED THEM ... DOESN'T MATTER ... IF YOU AREN'T SUCCESSFUL YET, THEN YOU HAVE TO JUDGE ME WITH THE SAME CRITERIA. BUT, BUT, BUT ... IF YOU FEEL I HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL SO FAR, THEN YOU HAVE TO JUDGE YOUSELF BY MY STANDARDS & THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!!!!!!!!!! SIT DOWN & TAKE THE TIME TO BE FAIR WITH YOURSELF ... WRITE DOWN ALL YOUR SUCCESSES IN EACH OF THE 3 CATAGORIES ... THEN WALK AWAY & THINK & GO BACK & WRITE DOWN WHATEVER ELSE COMES TO MIND THAT IS A WOW MOMENT OR A SUCCESS. LEAVE THAT DOCUMENT "OPEN" ... AS YOU THINK OF THINGS, ADD THOSE SUCCESSES TO YOUR LIST. PRETTY SOON, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, THAT THE NUMBERS ON YOUR SCALE ARE SO UNIMPORTANT vs THE CHANGES, SUCCESSES & WOW MOMENTS YOU ARE EXPERIENCING. THEN, YOU'LL EXPERIENCE THE REAL CHANGE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ... A CHANGE IN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOU! YOU'LL FINALLY EXPERIENCE WHAT A SPECIAL, WONDERFULLY-MADE, UNIQUE, VALUABLE PERSON YOU ARE ... ONE WHO CAN DO ANYTHING. REMEMBER THIS, MS TONYA ... YOU BECAME A DOCUMENTED SUCCESS THE MOMENT YOU LOST THE 1st POUND ... EACH POUND IS ANOTHER SUCCESS ... EA*****H IS A SUCCESS ... EACH DRESS SIZE A SUCCESS ... EACH WOW MOMENT A SUCCESS ... EACH IMPROVEMENT IN YOUR HEALTH & LIFESTYLE ABILITIES ARE NOT ONLY A SUCCESS BUT A TRULY HOLY BLESSING THAT YOU EXPERIENCE OVER & OVER & OVER. NOW, E-MAIL ME ... I WANT TO FORWARD MY WEEKLY WEIGHT LOSS NUMBERS TO YOU BECAUSE AFTER THE 12th OR 13th WEEK POST-OP, I HIT A WALL THAT WON'T BUDGE & I'M IN MY 23 OR 24th WEEK I THINK, BUT DR BYRNE IS COMPLETELY SATISFIED ... THE 100 #s IN 6 MONTHS GOAL IS JUST A GENERAL GOAL ... IT'S NOT WRITTEN IN STONE ... THERE ARE TOO MANY VARIABLES LIKE AGE, HEALTH, ACTIVITY LEVEL, MEDICATIONS THAT INTERFERE WITH THAT GOAL ... I MAY HIT 70 #s BY MY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY - THAT IS AMAZING TO ME & I REFUSE TO DEMINISH MY EFFORTS & THE SUCCESSES BECAUSE I DIDN'T HIT 100 #s INSTEAD ... DOES IT LOOK DIFFERENTLY TO YOU NOW BY JUDGING ME THE WAY YOU'VE JUDGED YOURSELF ... KINDA HARD ON YOURSELF, AREN'T YOU? THE LAST THING IS THAT YOU WILL COME TO A POINT IN THIS JOURNEY WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT THIS IS A LIFELONG JOURNEY JUDGED BY STEPS, NOT BY POUNDS ... &, YOU'LL RELAX & BE IN PEACE WITH YOUR NEW LIFESTYLE NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES TO MAKE "GOAL". I JUST TALKED TO MS BARBARA ABOUT THIS & IT TOOK HER ABOUT 14 MONTHS TO RELAX ... IT'S TAKEN ME ABOUT 5 1/2 MONTHS TO GET TO THAT PLACE. WHEN YOU FINALLY GET THERE, YOU'LL ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF YOUR NEW LIFE & THE POUNDS LOST WILL JUST BE THE ICING ON THE CAKE OF LIFE, NOT THE DECIDING FACTOR AS TO WHETHER YOU ARE HAPPY OR SUCCESSFUL ... IT WILL BECOME A BLESSING ... THAT'S WHAT THIS IS, MS TONYA ... A BLESSING OF A NEW LIFE ... ENJOY IT, RELI**** LIVE IT TO IT'S FULLEST & THANK GOD EVERY DAY THAT YOU HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY AT A FULL LIFE! GOD BLESS YOU, MY FRIEND DAWN & NICK E-MAIL ME!!!!!!!