OT: Need some prayers and thoughts

I'm sorry I've been MIA for a while but things have been hectic.  I'm in a situation that I never thought I would be in.  Many of you may know that I adopted my youngest son, Scott.  You may not know that he is my stepdaughter's biological child and she is addicted to crystal methamphetamine.  This addiction started when she was on a full scholarship to Oregon State University.  She was one of those skinny tall girls who was smart, beautiful, and nice.    Now she is 7 month pregnant and has come to live with us from Oregon so that she can stay clean throughout the pregnancy.  She wishes to give the baby up for adoption and we thought we had the perfect family who would let us have a part in this child's life.  That fell through so we are going to meet with an adoption attorney tomorrow.    I have so many mixed emotions,  I am furious with her for doing this to another child, proud of her for trying to stay clean for the baby, guilt because I'm not adopting this one (we just can't),  heartbroken because she is 30 years old and has fried her brains literally, and just peeved because she is here with MY baby and he loves his new playmate.    I know that everything happens for a reason, yet I am struggling with this.  It is a baby boy and all of the tests show everything to be fine.  I got her in the high risk program with MUSC and all seems well.  I just pray that we find an adoptive family that will be open to letting us be a part of this baby's life.  I would love to be an additional "grandmother" just can't be a parent right now.    Anyway, thoughts and prayers will be much appreciated.  I love you guys and sometimes forget what an awesome support system we have here. Mary

Mary, I know that you are angry with her, but speaking as someone who has battled with addiction myself this is a really big thing that she is doing. Now I am not saying that this is not a difficult situation but it takes alot for someone to admit that they have a problem. This is incredible of you to want to adopt this child and I will pray for you. If you ever want to talk to someone that has been through something similar just email me. I was addicted to opiates and while I was not pregnant at the time I was in college and a my daughter was two years old when I went into rehab. It was a difficult time for our family but we all made it out ok and I have been off of all drugs for well over a year now. Just don't give up on her she and the baby need your love right now.

Thanks Jess,    I needed to hear that.  But part of my guilt is that I don't want to adopt this baby, I want to be a grandma.  Thanks for sharing your struggle.  And I am proud of her for coming here.  Just a struggling kind of day Mary

I can understand that, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers although we don't know eachother I know how drug addiction can affect a family. In my case it was my fault and I still carry alot of that guilt.

Hang in there Mary and take it one day at a time.  You know we are all here for you.....

(((((((((MARY))))))))) i can only imagine what youre going through.. and what an awesome person you are to open your home to her, and let her around "your" scott etc.. you are a great person and mom! i always said that i would adopt me a boy one day.. if only i were more financially ready right now! im sure God will provide a wonderful home for him. and i know how hard it must be for you too! we are here if you need us!!!  love, jen

Thanks Jen,    I know it will all work out, I'm just ready for it to be over!!! love ya Mary