You know you've had gastric bypass when..

You might have had weight loss surgery if..... "I have a date" doesn't mean you are going out. - "I'm a loser" is a good thing. - "Welcome to the other side" does not mean you have died. - You love the taste of Chewable Calcium. - When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club!! - When it's not tigers vs. game****s but lap vs. open! - When "No, I couldn't eat another bite" really has a deeper meaning! - When you have to prove you are you on your license! - When Saying you're" open" doesn't mean your gay! - When you run you don't hear a flapping noise.....oh wait you still do.....but at least you are running! - Vitamins and calcium feel like a meal. - You've lost 100 pounds, and someone who hasn't seen you in a while says, "Did you change your hair?" - When you bend over and see daylight through your thighs. - You can cross your legs! - When you walk by a mirror and say to yourself "Who is that?" - When the Sharpei you pass on the street reminds you of someone you know....Yourself! ! - When your hand will fit in the Pringles can again, but you don't want any. - When the thought of an “all you can eat” buffet makes you want to throw up! - No more cracked toilet seats! - When your spandex shorts are used for “jogging,” and not merely used as an anti-chaffing device. - People who know you are concerned that you are working out too much. - Running into old flames, and saying "Do I know you?" - You turn on the morning show just to see Al Roker! - You are actually bold enough to not only admit your weight, but post it on the internet! - When you call Lane Bryant and cancel your credit card. - You have to start putting your name in your underwear again because you get them mixed up with your kids. - People stop asking you to bring something to the pot lucks because they know you will only bring a salad. - When you spend more time reading product labels for protein and carb content than you do reading any books. - You know the True meaning of "Don't trust a fart" right after surgery - When someone mentions clear protein and you gag - You can fit in a booth and breathe! and lastly.. when you have the most amazing friends who understand you because they are laughing at these right now with you because they had surgery too!

I love it !! Thanks for sharing!!  Those were really funny! Angela

OMG! Everyone of these are true. And I thought I was the only one who has cracked a toliet seat,  and to make matters worse, the damn thing grabbed hold of my inner thigh and drew blood when I  went to wipe my butt, LMFAO. Wooden toliet seats make a loud horrible noise when they are put under stress and crack!                                                                                                           Mary

Jen, that was classic!  What insight you have.  I'd love to see all of you upstaters again soon.  It may be a while because I'm due for my tt on January 30th, about the time Susann will be up to full speed.   You and Kathy should be writers! Hope to see you soon. Love,  Dollie

Boy, those are so true and yes I was laughing at the end.  It was great seeing everyone and I wish I could have went out with ya.  Maybe next time.

It was sooooooooooooo great to finally meet you last night. Wish I could have gone out to eat.  Maybe next time.  You are a hoot! Keep up the good work! Angela

I love that and love you my sister! Patti

THIS IS SOOOOO FUNNY!  Can I copy it onto my site?!  Please?.....