2008

Well ladies, it happened... My husband informed me that he will be leaving me soon for what he calls a "trial" separation.  He wants me to get myself "fixed" so we can move forward in our marriage.  WTF!!!!  I'm going back to counseling but it is so that  I can I find that person I never knew....a strong person who can make it on her on.  I don't want to go into the details but I could use some prayer right now as times are getting very lonely.  I love you all. Rachel

YOU GO GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!! Show him just how much you can do and he will come crawling back.  In the meantime remember you are loved for who you are be many friends and family, even if you still need to be "fixed".   Keep your chin up.

Thank you.  It is really time for me to grow up....its now or never.....I think I'll take now.... Rachel

NOW... We need to get a list of names for the trip to Jamaica... RACHEL NEEDS TO GET HER GROOVE BACK!!!!!  but Taye is mine...

Bring it on!!!  I'm so ready....

Sorry Rachel.  I've been hiding out or a while, but I had to get back in to say GOOD RIDDANCE! He f*cked up, not you.  He needs to be fixed, not you.  He's got a lot of nerve making it seem like you are at fault for any of this. Don't let him leave soon.  Make him leave NOW.  Don't let his ass come crawling back.  And if he does come back on his knees,  kick his dumb a$$ right on the forehead. Sorry I am jumping in like this and you can take what I say or leave it, but I just NEED to say it.  You weren't broken, HE broke you. You can do it on your own.  I know you can.  You were a whole person before you ever knew him and you will be a whole person again without him.  Remember, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  You will be back - happy and stronger and an even greater gift for the right person. 

Kathy!!    I've missed you.  Thanks for your outstanding advice.  I loved what you said about he broke me.  That is so true.  I know that this time is probably a blessing. I don't really remember a time that I was a "whole" person.  I went from living with mom and dad (high school) dating 2 guys (one I married and one I should have married) in college to now.  I've never been alone.  That is what is a little scary but deep down inside it is totally exciting and has the potential to be freeing!!!  Thanks again for popping in.  I was beginning to think you had disappeared.  Love ya girl! Rachel

" I don't really remember a time that I was a "whole" person." I do!!  The Rachel I met before your surgery was WHOLE.  That had nothing to do with him.  I started seeing the broken Rachel after you learned of the crap he was doing.  You still have your family and all your friends.  You just don't have the thing that was weighing you down, taking away the "light" I used to see in you.  Don't buy into the crap he has been putting in your head for the last year.  There is nothing wrong with you.  There is nothing you could have done differently to change this.  You are strong, educated, you have a strong family support system.  You are a good person. It will work out.  You will be ok.

Rachel,  You and I have been through the same battle. The first thing, of most importance is that you love you! He is going to continue to love everyone else.  And asking a person to get "fixed" is not a condition of marriage... better or worse is!  Standing by him through what you have has allowed him to think that he can do anything. Unfortunately its a side effect of being a good wife sometimes and he seems to be quite clueless ( I mean no disrespect) But he doesnt pick up on the clues that you are leaving in the wake of all this Maybe getting "fixed" means that you two move on in life apart. Is that such a bad thing?  I guess thats what you have to ask yourself... because if you cry because your afraid to be alone... thats alot different than crying because you truly love your husband and want to make it work. What difference will it make that he leaves? Maybe this counseling is helping you find who you are. If he wanted to help you be "fixed" then he should be active in counseling with you to deal with HIS issues that caused all this broken ness.  I remember being at a place in my marriage when I thought I couldnt last another day. I couldnt even look at him without feeling like I wanted to throw up. it was bad for a long time. But we overcame, we worked together REALLY HARD FOR A LONG TIME!!!  But our marriage counselor looked him dead in the face and told him ALL ABOUT HIMSELF....THEN HE COPED A CLUE that I wasnt some crazy lady making things up in my head... Girl,  Be who you are! Love yourself first!  Dont change who you are to appease someone else... its never going to be worth it and in the end, you will just turn yourself into someone you cant stand.  I am always praying for you! But I have a hunch that 2008 is gonna SET U FREE!!!! One way or another.... LOVE U!!!

THank you so much.  I'm working on that loving myself part.  Its hard but I know that I can.  Because, nobody is gonna love you or take care of you like yourself.   I can't believe the #$@%head still came home last night and stayed here.  He hasn't moved out yet.  He is playing this and it is ******g me off.  If he doesn't get out soon....I might have to give him a little help with a quick hit in the a$$!!!! Rachel