Where am I??

OK, I've been lurking.  I've got to agree with what everyone has said, it's been a long year for you and you need to take the time to figure out how you want the next year and future years to go.  You have the RIGHT to be happy as well as healthy and even though change isn't always easy (as we all know) sometimes things just have to change in order for you to nurture YOU.  You deserve the best that life has to offer, isn't that why you had surgery???  Now that you've done the physical part, why do you expect any less for yourself on the emotional?  Mom always said, "if you don't want to be a doormat, get the hell off the floor"  You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for wanting to live a full life, and unfortunately like Jen and Mary said, he can either be supportive and you can go forward TOGETHER or maybe it's time to take the hard line that it's never going to change and you deserve MORE, even if that means going down the road alone for awhile.  No matter what you do, remember we're all here for you.

Thanks.....I love your quote.  

Hi Rachel.  I have done some major soul searching over the past few months.  As you know my ex left me 3 months out of surgery.  I was already becomming more confident and he didn't like it.  Truth is, I now realize that I should have left a long time ago.  We when are big we tend to overcompensate by doing for everyone.  My grown kids tell me I have "changed".  Well, of course I have changed.  Big thing is that I have someone taking care of me and loving me now and I am not at their beck and call.  Too funny.  I asked my son how I have changed and he said....well, you never woulda rode a motorcycle before.....you never rode on rides at Carowinds before.... Those were the only things he could come up with.  I said to him...so, you don't think I am entitled to have fun? Long and short, almost all big people tend to overcompensate and do what our spouses/children want to keep everyone happy.  I now know that everyone else was happy, but no one was worried about me being happy.  Probably led to a little more weight on me. Sit your husband down, tell him how you feel.  Get some counseling if you can talk him into it and, if not, you may have to tell him so long.  It is hard...boy do I know...but in the long run it will work for you. Finally, I think we all have a little bit of "going wild" going on, but how long has it been since we have really enjoyed life? We are all here for you girl! 

You are a true inspiration to be because you have been there and came out on the winning side.  It's good to see that there is life beyond a divorce. Rachel

Have to agree with everyone.  We deserve love, respect, plus the biggie, NOT BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED.  My husband just informed me he's off to pick up his friend in FL, will be back in the am.  What if I made that announcement. That said, I'm done feeling guilty, sad, and sorry for myself.  I deserve happiness, friends, and fun.  I deserve to go to the 3 Christmas parties I'm invited to this weekend.  Its Don's choice not to go.   And I also think that my marriage deserves a chance, therefore we have started counseling. Hang in Rachel.  As my therapist said, one way or the other, I'm 100% sure that it will all end up well for you!!!! Mary

Mary,   I think we have a lot in common.  I understand what you mean - I often say "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" but it seems John has different expectations for himself and his friends and me and my friends.   I don't know if I can get John back in marriage counseling.  We may be beyond help.  I wish you the best iwth it though.  Be prepared...it is very helpful but we left mad at each other every time.  However, we did learn somethings about each other and how to communicate better...somehow we forgot.   I wish you the best.  Call me any time.   Rachel

did i write that or you??......  hummmmmmmm

I know you are going though a very similar situation.  Sucks doesn't it.....oh well....

Good morning, sweet Rachel! I had to stop when I read your message (even tho I'm a little behind) and in this case, I'm definitely going with the majority. You are a beautiful young woman, you deserve every single wonderful thing life has to offer. If it's with John, so be it. If it's without John, then it will be. You are strong, resilient, and are destined to be happy! NOW - GO GET IT, GIRL! And remember - we're all here for support!