Where am I??

I know that we have discussed this before on here but has anyone else had major changes in themselves since surgery?  In relationships?   2007 has been such an exciting year for weight loss but it has been overshadowed by relationship problems.   My husband says now that he wishes I had never had the surgery because the sweet, caring Rachel is gone.  He says I'm not the same woman he married.   I know I have more confidence but I still feel the same.  My husband and I have deeper issues than just my personality changes although he likes to blame it on that totally.   I like going out with my friends and I admit I have gotten a little obsessive about it by going out several times a week.  I do have a husband at home that I need to think about.  I am always home by 8 but it is highly unlike me to be going out this many times and leaving him to fend for himself.  I always cooked supper every night and so on. 

My mom says I have changed and that I seem to being "going wild."  It really scares me.  My friends say that I'm a stronger person and that I am more confident.  Mom and hubby see that as rebellion and me trying to live out my college years again.  I think for years I lived a lie.  I did and said what made my husband happy because I honestly felt as though I couldn't get another man in this world because of my weight.  When my husband did what he did and crushed me, I began to see that I could have a life beyond him.  He doesn't like this.   Oh my life is so messed up right now.  I'm really depressed and cant seem to get out of bed in the morning.  Nothing is like it used to be and I am in the worse mood for the holidays.  I dread Christmas.  It used to be my favorite time of the year. Just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this kind of reaction

Just PMed you...

Hang in there, I have been there and done that.

Get out of bed and start living the life you have earned, just becareful about the addiction switching.  Have included more in the message.

If you need to talk, email me!

Here to help

Julie

 

I know what you mean. It could be in part that those around you don't like you feeling better about yourself because they don't have that control over you like they used to. I have lost 120 pounds since surgery in May and I am starting to feel like a kid again. Is it mid life crisis? I don't think so. (I'm turning 49 on the 31st of this month) I am wanting to do all those things in life that I have been unable to do because of my weight. Maybe WLS patients have a tendency to go overboard because of our newfound self-esteem. Like I said in a post about 1 1/2 months ago I am worried that when I start going out with my new friends, doing the fun stuff that I can't do with my husband because he is still very overweight that we will begin having problems. On a lighter note he has finally decided to do something about it (it helped the Dr. got on to him today about his sugar, cholesterol and triglycerides being high) so maybe we will never reach that point.

Thank you so much for your response and I hope that your hubby will finally make that step so that he can begin to enjoy life with you.  :)

I haven't been on here in a while.. and I saw this and have to respond to you..  SCREW HIM For saying that you've changed.. DAMN RIGHT you have changed.. LOOK at what he did to you.. That would change ANYONE. I think it is safe to say that if this surgery doesn't change anyone in any way then there is something wrong with that person! You can't lose 100 lbs or more or less depending on your beginning weight, and it NOT change something about you inside! It gives you a freedom of sorts.. You've lost a lot of problems in your life with weight loss, which in turns creates more problems due to feeling so much better about yourself, and your family not "knowing" what it feels like cannot understand that. I pretty much sat rob down and told him, look , im here with you, I am going to be with  you. Losing weight is not changing anything in our relationship but it is opening me up to the person i AM. This is ME.. I have hidden under a fat suit since you met me, and now here I am. Like me , love me, hate me.. this is ME. I am excited about my new self. I am ready to take on the world and i want you to do it with me. I enjoy being able to go out with my girls once a month or so.. It makes me HAPPY. This is my "break" from my hectic life. RESPECT That. OR there will be an issue. There is nothing wrong with being able to go out with friends. This being said.. You should enjoy you and john going out together also. If you don't then you should evaluate the marriage and why you are together. Even when me and rob are at odds, we can still have a night out without the kids or even with the kids and he makes me happy. Through everything, I know I want him in my life. It took alot of soul searching over the past year to realize that. If you don't feel that way then you should do some soul searching, talk to john about that and figure out how to reconnect and start over or seperate. but he of all people should not be chastising you for being Different now, OF COURSE youre different. You have come out of your shell and turned into a beautiful butterfly.. and if he cannot respect that then he needs to figure out why. Its not your problem its his. They should be happy for you.. but if you are not happy together he will not be happy for you. I could go on and on about this bc he ****** me off with this lol.but i wont. I love you girl and im here for you.  I know my life is hectic and busy and our schedules collide but im still a phone call away. .. and us being from the same "roots" you know what will help this marriage.. and its not the bar 3-4 nights a week.. both of you know that. stop running from it.. theres a time when you have to give it all to Him. Im not a bible thumper or whatever you call it but I do believe in God and know that He will see you through.  i love you girl! (((HUGS)))  jen

you are wise beyond your years, baby girl ...

I love you Jen and I know that you are right.  Only time will tell.....We are giving it until after the holidays to decide what our next step is. 

If you have a time limit, youve got a problem. you and I pm'ed about some "marriage" issues that we shared in common so... let me just say... You might seem to be "going wild" to the people in your life that like to control you....of course I dont want to see you on any "video" while your vacationing in mexico or anything like that, but its surely ok to enjoy life.

Since I have not had WLS I dont know about this "freedom" Jenn talks about, but I do know what its like to be confused about who you are. WLS doesnt help find that peace...in fact I think it highlights the fact that you never found that peace before... which can be SOOOO confusing.  You have to love you. Then you can love someone else. And for GOD sakes love someone that can love you back. (isnt that on someones signature... I think Bruce Willis said it) ;0) You deserve to be happy. To learn about the new you. To explore life in ways that werent possible before. Who in the world wants their life to EVERYDAY be about cooking supper and washing dishes?!?!?!?!?  If your man doesnt wanna go out, leave his sorry butt at da house and go get your groove back....JAMAICA IS CALLING.... lol

Sounds like his insecurites are what's causing problems and he is looking to place the blame all on you. How can a person not change after losing weight and feeling so much better about themselves. Hell, I sometimes feel like I went off the deep end because I wanted and had the plastic surgery, but damnit, I deserve to do something just for me and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. It should be the same way with you sweetie, don't live your life being miserable just because someone doesn't like the fact you have "come out". That person has always been there inside but , like you said, hiding under a fat suit all your life. Maybe it's time to face reality and do what I have the feeling you have been wanting to do for a while, dump his ass and get on with your own life.  I know it's not easy but life is too short to be depressed and unhappy. I think you have more than tried to make your marriage work, just by taking him back and forgiving him. Put the ball in his court and see how he goes with it, lol.  I'm lucky, Sonny has been supportive through this whole process and it has only strenghtened our already great marriage. So in all honesty, if it hasn't gotten any better for you both by now, then more than likely it won't. Take care! Mary

Sad but true....I never wanted to be divorced....who does....but life takes us on many unexpected turns.  Thanks for being there for me.