Am I A Failure?? 1 1/2 yrs. out!

Good morning all you wonderful friends! Yep, I've been MIA again. I'm MIA sooo much that I'm surprised that any of you ever respond to my post, but I'm glad you do because I need you all.   Today, Wed. Oct. 17, 2007 is my one year and a half surgery anniversary. It is also 6 months at the same weight give or take a few pounds, this is something that insurance had required before they would even talk to me about skin removal.   Thing is, I have been wanting to write my personal letter to send to them for a month now and just can't get the energy to do so. I have been really bad about taking my vitamins on a daily basis, the only thing I have taken in a month or more is my B 12 don't know why, I know my body needs it, but for some reason I'm just not taking them. I'm still on a roller coaster with my emotions due to the total hysterectomy I had in Jan. my Gynecologist is still working on getting my hormone supplements right. THESE I do take. But I have been feeling weak this past month and very down in the dumps, crying and sleeping a lot, not wanting to do ANYTHING! Thus ....... I feel like a failure. So, go ahead, give me a tongue lashing so I can cry more, just kidding ... not ... because I cry if my husband looks at me funny.   I love you all dearly and I'm so proud of all of you. Please pray I get my hormones straightened out, my husband Dean thinks this is my whole problem.   Love, Debra

Debra,    Big Hugs!!!  I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Hormone junk is the worst, but it will level off.  Just keep telling yourself that.  And everytime you think you are a failure please look at your picture.  You are gorgeous inside and out.      My only advice was that my scale did not start moving again until after my tummy tuck.  They took off 8 pounds of skin and I have lost an additional 23.  Its just easier to exercise and stuff now.    Please take care of yourself Mary

Debra! I think it is probably just your hormones too.  I find myself sometimes wanting to cry or fight for absolutely no reason at all!!  I know that you are pretty much at goal now, and probably dealing with some other things that surgery didn't "fix"  that could be making you down in the dumps (I think alot of us are), but your hormones have alot to do with it. TAKE YOUR VITAMINS!!!  Its important.  Especially if you are thinking about plastics soon.  You need everything to be balanced to heal right. It will be okay.  You are not a failure because you feel bad.  And go ahead and work on that letter.  It could be a project to help take your mind off of things. We love you and you are beautiful, inside AND out!!  Don't forget it!

Miss. Debra... you are NOT  a failure. I dont know why us WOMEN are soooo dang hard on ourselves...but life is NOT that serious.  I know when my mom had her hysterectomy, we were all on egg shells. My dad used to always ask her if she had taken her MAGIC PILL... haha... because we could tell when she hadnt. But as time passed, she didnt need them. And during the time when she did... we just had to be very patient! You have undergone a MAJOR surgery... AGAIN.. and it takes a toll on your spirit.  That doesnt make you a bad person.  Its ok to be sad. Its ok to have a not so good day. Just always try to remember that a not so good day is NOT A BAD THING!!! its a beautiful thing... if we dont go overcome obstacles, we dont grow. Each thing that you conquer in life through blood, sweat and tears mold you into who you are... and NO ONE WOULD WANT YOU TO BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHO YOU ARE!!!   the small imperfections, the wonderful glitches are what make you beautiful!!! DONT FORGET THAT!!!!

Debra,

I understand how you feel,  I have the hormone issues as well...I am soooo sorry, it is a horrible feeling...just know that I will keep you in my prayers!  Please take whatever it is that you are suppose to (I HATE taking meds).  Don't be so harsh on your self... Take care of yourself, Deidre

Debra you are not a failure.  I feel like I had this same conversation last night with some of my closest friends.  I have not had a hysterectomy but my hormones are absolutely crazy right now.  I know exactly how you feel....not wanting to get out of the bed.....just pulling the covers up and hiding.  I have done all of this just this week!!!!! We are normal and we are entitled to feeling bad every once in a while.  We as moms take care of everyone else and ALWAYS neglect ourselves.  You have to make you a priority!  You are so worth any and all effort!!!! We love ya girl and you are not alone!!!!!!

Melissa got it right.  You are most definitely NOT ALONE.   I had a hysterectomy a few weeks before you did, and we had our WLS surgery a month apart ... we should be in constant communication with each other!  I'm glad you posted because it does feel better to know that someone else is having the same sort of struggles.  That doesn't mean that I'm happy you're having a hard time ... you know that.  But when you're alone in your home, away from all the friends who've "been there, done that", it's easy to convince yourself that you are THE ONLY ONE who is not perfect.  What a lie that is! I, too, am "forgetting" my vitamins more often that I remember them.  And I have no explanation.  I'm not eating smart either.  And lately I'm not even coming close to getting enough water in every day.  It's like HOW STUPID CAN I BE??!!  I've been through so much, had so mu*****redible medical care, and so much love and support from everyone  ... and I can still so easily slip into old behavior patterns with food and caring for myself??!  I'm so STUPID!  I spend part of almost every day dumping on a bad food choice.  And in the "dump afterglow", I always tell myself that I won't EVER DO THAT AGAIN.  But as soon as I feel like myself again, the head hunger is back.  And I'm always ---> <---- that close to giving in and making myself sick AGAIN.   And I've been in the same place as you, emotionally, lately.  It's typical behavior  for me ... only I usually go through this black time in mid-winter, after the holidays are over.  It hits every year like clockwork, and I have come to expect it.  And I recognize it for what it is ... DEPRESSION.  Only this year, it's here early.  And it seems crazy ... so much is "right" in my life now... I look better than I have in YEARS, my first grandchild is on the way, my kids are happy and healthy, I finally have GOOD friends (something I have never been able to say before now!) ... so why do I cry when I'm driving in my car?  Why do I go back to bed after the house empties out every morning?  Why do I make myself sick every day?  What a mess.   I wish the psychologist at Dr. Bour's office was a bigger part of the solution.  When I signed up, and paid the money, I assumed that if I needed them, I'd call, make an appointment, go and talk, and VOILA!  I would be fixed.  Ummm.  No.  No on the easy appointments, and No on the quick fix. All I know is this:  we can't give up.  Life is short ... but I'm not ready for mine to end.  I'm only 48!  You know, this whole "friendship" thing is sorta new to me, but I think we'd all feel a bit better if we leaned on each other more.  Isolating and hibernating is how I used to deal with depression, but it doesn't work.  We need to try a different way! I am proud of you too  ...  Proud of the incredible transformation you've made in your appearance, and proud that you had the backbone to reach out and write this post.  You are SUCH a wonderful lady ... a great Mom, your husband adores you, and you are fun to be with!  That is NOT the way I describe a failure.  As long as we're still breathing, we're "in progress".  We're not done yet!   But we really don't need to be trying to do this thing alone. Do I hear an "Amen"?

Dear sweet Debra - you are only a failure if you quit trying! And your loving spirit will not let you quit - if it did, you wouldn't have posted on the board & reached out to this group of crazy, mixed-up, loving, supportive, and extraordinary people (I started to say "women", but you gotta give Chris a chance...)! I am proud of you for what you've accomplished given everything you've gone thru. I had a complete hysterectomy back in '98 & it was the best thing that happened to me at that time! Just like WLS, it wasn't easy, there were adjustments to be made & changes to deal with. But rest assured, you can handle them! And if you ever find yourself slipping - reach out again & again & again. Don't let yourself get like me and stay a recluse - bearing the world on my own two shoulders. It's a blessing to have friends who love & support you - THAT'S US! Tho we've never met face-to-face, we're still kindred spirits... Love you & I'm sending bunches of {{HUGS}}!!!

I'm sorry your feeling so down and miserable, hormones can do that to us. I take them everyday just because I suffer so bad from hotflashes without them. As far as taking your vitamins, you need to get them in everyday, and the way I remember to take mine is by using one of those pill keepers that have a bunch of little compartments. I put all the meds that I take each day in it and it holds a months worth. That way I know if I have taken them or not, no guess work. Also, so I don't have to remember different suppliments, I normally take the optisource bariatric vitamins, I take two with my breakfast and two after supper.They have everything you need in them, so you don't have to buy the calcium or B12. I have other things I take at those times also, so it's easier for me this way. I am having my plastics next week and they started me on a vitamin pack made for anyone having anykind of surgery. I have to take 3 in the AM and 3 in the PM, then 3 days before surgery I start taking another pill that helps with brusing and heals you faster, and after surgery there is one more to start on that I have to take for 2 weeks. So as you see, with out my pill keeper I would be losing my mind having to keep up with it all, this way they are all there each day, no thinking about if I took them or not. I was also told I had to increase my protein and I started that a month ago with  Unjury again. All of this is important for the healing process.  I sure hope you get your hormones straightened out soon, it sucks to feel like your feeling. Please start getting in your vitamins so you don't end up sick. Take care and god bless. Mary

It always amazes me that no matter how successful we are we always feel like a failure.  Please go back and look at where you have come.  The hormone issue is hard but it will get straight and you will do better.  In the meantime, TAKE YOUR VITAMINS and you will feel better just from that.  Might also end up talking to the doc about an anti-depressant to get you through. Good luck and keep us posted.  I will keep you in my prayers.