WORSE THAN EVER!!!

Today I found out something that devastated me. I went to the DR and when they went to weigh me, I had a ANXIETY attack. I couldnt bring myself to get on the scale. I froze... like a deer in head lights and panicked. I felt like a total idoit!  And I cried...and the DR was nice enough to let me sit in a room till I gathered myself and then I asked him to leave the room so I could weigh myself. It was the scariest moment of my life when that number popped up! I almost passed out! I hate myself for letting it get this outta control. I hate myself for letting food rule my life. I hate myself for being this big of mess.  I didnt see the Dr.... I politely walked out of the office. its like a dirty secret.. I have a problem! I feel trapped and I HATE IT!  not a good day!

Crystal I am so sorry this happened to you.  That is terrible. I know exactly how you felt getting on the scale.  That was me so many times before surgery.  I finally would just refuse to get on it.   It is terrible that we beat ourselves up so badly over our weight.  I must say that having this surgery was the best decision I EVER made for myself. {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}} I am sorry you are having a sucky day...

Thanks! I appreciate it! Im the biggest sissy that ever lived... I mean I cant bring myself to have surgery cause the FEAR freezes me... but I cant get control of it on my own... I HATE THE WHOLE FREAKING STUPID THING!!! and I dont mean to sound like a total whiner... but I have been seeking an answer my entire life!! I cant imagine that it has to be this hard, but it is! It just seems like a bunch of brick walls ive put around myself... I swear Im going to turn into the CAT LADY and IM ONLY 27!!! Its ok to have sucky days... haha.. they make the good ones twice as enjoyable!

You are not a sissy.  It is a life changing decision.  You have to be 100% sure of what you are doing.  Even after the surgery it, there are still challenges everyday with food and weight.  Having the surgery DOES NOT fix your weight problem.  But it helps you to get some control over it.  I say that it was the best decision for me...and it was....and it is for many people.  BUT if you are not sure than don't do it.  It is that simple.  I realized that I could not get the weight off without having the surgery.  I wanted to have a life with my family.  I was only existing before.    You have to search your soul Crystal.  Your answer is there.  I hope your day gets better

HI EVERYONE  I AM IN NEED OF SOME INFORMATION  DOES ANYONE OUT THERE KNOW ABOUT FIRST CHOICE HMO / MEDICAID AND IF SO  I NEED TO KNOW  WHAT THE REQUIREMENTS ARE FOR FIRST CHOICE ,AS FAR AS THE REQUIRED  TIME WITH A DR  6 WEEKS?6 MONTHS LOL I HAVE NO IDEA AND I CALLED THEM AND THEY WONT TELL ME  CAN ANYONE HELP PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOL?

Hey girl! I dont have 1st choice, but I went out on the insurance forum and there were a few SC folks with it who said they were approved with no issues... so maybe the info the PCP gives is all the mcaid needs! if so... count your blessings!!! GOOD LUCK!

Crystal, you are not a sissy, whimp or whiner!  We have all been there.  I use to hate the scales and there are times now that I still do.  It is discouraging to see those numbers.  I remember I was in the MUSC Eating Disorder program and was there when a young lady was being weighed, it took 2 people to talk her in to getting on the scale and then she got on it back wards because seeing what she weighed made her have a panic attack.  You are not alone.  I use look away from the scales at the Dr's ofc and tell them that I did not want to know.  Some how they love to announce it out load.  For a long time I would tell them what I weighed and it was a lie.  I was in such denial.

The surgery changed my life as well, I still hate those scales but I like the numbers that are now coming up, some times.  I had to go back to a therapist because of body image issues, I was starting to feel fat and trapped, even though I was below my surgeons goal and 5-10 lbs from mine.  This surgery is a personal decision, no one can make that decision except for you.  You have to be ready and if you feel you are not ready, then you are not.  I researched this surgery for 2 years, seriously, before I jumped and the first time I talked to my PCP, I decided it was not for me.  A year later I was on the  operating table having the surgery.  Best decision of my life and the scarest.  I see that you will see Dr. Byrne, he did mine and you could not be in better hands if you go through with the surgery.  I understand the fear, it is a scary thing.  I went through every range of emotions leading up to my surgery and then finally the  night before a calm came over me and I just knew I was going to be OK.   Please remember you are not alone!  We have been there and done that on so many levels! I hope tomorrow is a better day for you, Julie

 

 

 

 

 

Julie! THANK YOU SO MUCH!  YOU AND MELISSA MADE MY DAY YESTERDAY! I just want you ladies to know how much it meant to me.  sometimes I feel like theres NO WAY anyoneunderstands me... and then you guys remind me that I have company! THANK YOU!!! THERES NO BETTER GIFT!!!! As for me.. TODAY is a much better day. I had a long talk with my husband last night, after a short talk with my employer re: benefits. I guess I had always thought my DH would hate me if I had the surgery... which of course IS NOT the case. And I was afraid to talk to my employer about it because I didnt want them all in my bizness.. BUT ALL IS WELL!! WHEW!!! Im back to baby steps...but hey... AT LEAST IM WALKING!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

Sweetie! You are DEFINITELY NOT ALONE!!  I hope you're feeling better today - I'm sorry I didn't see your post sooner. My heart and soul is right there with you.  It took a lot of courage and strength just to write it out like you did and I'm VERY proud of you for it.   We have a problem just like alcoholics except our weakness is food.  And tho you don't have to have alcohol to live, we do have to have food so we're in a dilemma.   The surgery is a drastic tool that's good for some, not for others.  It works for some, and doesn't for others.  But, Crystal, you have to reach really deep inside yourself & know what a beautiful woman, wife, mother you are and know that person, not the outside.   Follow your heart, my friend & don't be so rough on yourself!  I know there's a lot of love in you 'cuz you hand it out ALL the time.  {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}} Hellen

My sweet Hellen... I LOVE YOU TOO! How are you doing? How are you feeling? Are you drinking enuf?  Im MUCH better today... all this support is what keeps me moving! I really dont know what I would do without the board. Thank you for your sweet words... Im a lucky girl!