ok ladies I need some advice...

I had a total hysterectomy in 2001... Now here comes the questions since I'm too ashamed to ask my pcp (he's a guy) ... 1. should I be taking hormones? 2. does my body still dump hormones from the fat loss since I don't have the baby factory anymore? 3. do they make viagra for women? ( shameful part coming) why I ask is cause well... me and hubby hasn't had uhm ... sex in a year and 5 months.... 4. should I ask him if I just disgusting to him? I feel like I am, I don't like him to see me naked and I was like that before my weight loss as well... ok think this is all for now... I just might have some more questions to ask since I have noone in my family left to ask that's had a hysterectomy... they're all DEAD ! sorry for the shameful questions Stephie

Girl! You shouldn't be ashamed to ask these questions of your PCP!  Thats what he gts paid for!  And cahnces are, he has heard these questions a MILLION times and KNOWS the answer.  There is no need for all the worry and suffering you are going through concerning this if there is probably an answer just waiting for you! Now I don't know much about the hormone part, but I can tell you that I have lost my sex drive too.  We have tried switching some of my meds and it has helped a little, but not much.  We also have our everyday lives that get inthe way, you know, work, kids, etc.  so our minds are elsewhere and lets just say, I require ALOT of ...ummmm...warming up... ALSO, I know my hubby only responds to me when I am feeling confident in myself.  If I feel shameful about myself or my body, there is no enjoyment in it for him either when we are together.  No one (unless you are some sort of weirdo) wants to be with a female if it seems forced. You also have to remember, your hubby has been through some major medical trauma in the past year too.  He may be feeling some insecurities himself. Maybe you shoudl talk with him about it.  Don't ask him if he thinks you are disgusting.  That is a loaded question.  It may seem to him like you are trying to pick a fight.  Just ask him why he thinks you guys haven't been intimate in the past year.  Ask what he thinks you BOTH could do to change that.  Just him seeing YOUR desire for change may be all it take to get things jumpstarted again.

thanks Kathy I guess I'm just shy when it comes to talking to men about sex... I was raised that it was dirty and no one ever talked about... *lol* gotta love old folks way of thinking huh? Stephie

I was raised the same way and I think that has been a huge detriment to me! I was sexually abused as a child and I never told anyone until I was an adult because I thought it was because I was the dirty shameful one.  I thought I had done something to bring it on myself and that I was going to get into alot  of trouble.  Had my parents been more open about sexuality, I think I would have told the first time it happened and saved myself alot of therapy!  Not to mention the pain some of my other family members suffered at the hands of this deviant. I am determined not to make the same mistake with my child.  Sex is normal.  EVERYONE does it sooner or later.  And I agree with Rachel, sex does not equal love, though I believe it should only be shared with someone you love.  I'm old fashioned like that.  Just because you and hubby do not have an active sex life, does not mean that he does not love you.  Just as, just becasue some one is having sex does not mean that there is love there. I'm hoping that I can be this open with my daughter.  Considering the fact that she asked me the other day what a lesbian was and I just clammed up, I'll probably need to work on it some more!  LOL!

I was abused too hon as a kid ((HUGS)) I didn't tell my mom or anyone till my mom was dying and on her death bed cause I was so scared she would blame me for it...   my son has always asked me about sex and the difference between a gay couple and a straight couple and well... I do talk to him about it.. I also told him that he could always come to me and ask me anything.. why I'm not shy about making sure my son has the info he needs I don't know, guess it's cause I know it's going to help him in the long run and not mess his head up like I think I am... Stephie

I dont know for sure about hormones...but I know my mom took them for years after hers and now they are telling her to stop taking them because the synthetic hormones cause bone loss... and for her to just take calcium they do make viagra for women, but if your hung up on body image issues... I dont know if medicine will help. I would just talk to him. I mean whatever hes feeling has to come out into the open in order for you guys to get passed it.  Its a two fold process.. with him being open about how your new body makes him feel and you being ok with your new body.  GOOD LUCK STEPHANIE!!! 

I have a hard time talking to men about these things... I wasn't allowed to talk about it growing up... my mom said sex is for after you get married and only to make babies... I don't think her and my dad were ever loving to each other in front of us ... I can't even remember them holding hands or even kissing in front of us ... *lol* Stephie

I don't know about the hormones thing but I do know that you should talk to you husband and maybe consider seeing a counselor (i'm all about psycho therapy now!!)  I have the same feelings about my body, always have and always will but we are working on them.  The few (and I mean very few) times that I have felt sexy (usually after a strong drink) my husband was amazed at the sex we had.  I just took charge and boy it was fun!!!  He loved it.  There is one thing I learned about men through all this crap I have been going through.  Sex is Sex, it is just an act.  To most it isn't about the emotional part of it.  They want us to think that but it isn't.  So your hubby probably doesn't have a problem with you...it's you that has the problem with you.  Good Luck and I hope you find answers. Rachel

Well the one thing my parents did right was show emotion to each other. They used to always kiss, and cuddle and be gross.... So I had a good example of THAT aspect of marriage. I guess thats why im such a HOT MESS now.  But the ONE thing that ALL woman must remember is that... IF YOU ARENT GIVING IT TO HIM, SOMEONE ELSE CAN...  Some men are more understaiding of "issues" that keep their woman in bondage, but MOST men... CHEAT CAUSE ITS MONDAY!!! (thats the theme to my day today)

I don't think he would cheating ... he won't go anywhere without me, not even to town ... I think alot of problems come from when he's not at work he's on the computer and will stay on it anywhere from 8 to 12 hours... usually on the days off he will stay on the computer all night and then come to bed when I'm getting up... but anyway that's for another topic *lol* I'm full of problems it seems Stephie