How do you respond??

Hey Melissa: Wow!  That was some E-mail!  I can't add any other advice.  Kathy and Donna and the others really summed up my feelings too.  If it helps, I am 40 years old, and had the exact same problem with my Mom.  Not saying that your mom is like this, but my Mom was and still is the "Control" type of mom, and DID NOT approve of my surgery, and did alot of the same things.  There comes a time in every ladies life that you just have to make a decision, and live it.  Separate from your parents kinda thing.  Look for support where you can, and tell your Mom you have made your decision, and to kindly stop with the second guessing.  I told my Mom, that I understand how she feels, I know she is scared, and for her to pray for me.  That short of Jesus coming back to earth and taking us all home, I was going to have the surgery.  I also told her to try to respect my decsion, and if she can't, please don't talk about it any more.  I also told her that if something were to happen, and I left this earth, I didn't want our last few months together to be fighting and with bad feelings.  I respect her opinion, I took it to heart and considered it, but I have made my decision, so lets just go on being a loving Mother and Daughter. She is one of my biggest fans now.  Although she is jealous somewhat because I am closing in on being the same size as here, and I can feel the tension! Know that I will be praying for you girl!  I know God will Bless you! Terri

If you had a choice to live 10 more y ears but be thin and feel better or 20 more years but be fat and feel like crap... what would you choose? Lets just say the arrogant skinny journalist is right.... SO FREAKING WHAT!?!?!? its all relative. WLS or diet....walk or drive... spend or save...pray or curse... I mean its all a choice... and its a personal one.  My dad said the same crap to me.... and I told him next time his blood pressure went up, not to take his Lipitor.. t hats the EASY WAY OUT... instead he needs to go exercise and eat oatmeal... im sure there are long term effects from WLS that arent discovered yet... but some hazard to our health is discovered every week from crap that wasnt thought about at first... like I said... its all relative. And in all honesty, dont waste your time with a reply... it really wont matter to her anyways. Just keep your mental health in check because that will help you heal POST OP!!!!

I will say and this may or many not be the answer. I have a close friend (who is like a sister)who also has voiced her concerns about my surgery. She even has so far as to ask me to talk to her sister in law that is thinking of the surgery and tell her not to do it. She is vocal in a umm passive way...like your mom. She will not talk directly to me to get facts and why I want to do it, she goes about it the around way like your mom. This is how I have chose to deal with it.

I told her for each article she sends me I could send her in response of why I was a good candidate for surgery that are medically based (I did a lot or reasearch on it before I chose and with my medical background I knew where to look). I told her since she knew me since I was a teenager and had seen me try to lose weight multiple times without success, that until she had this specific struggle to not sit in judgement. I told her I do not sit in judgement of ________. A problem she has that affects her health, and that I was doing this not to look great, but to be more healthier.

The article did state many people eat better after sugery. Yes we do, or we would be in worse health due to vitamin and manerial problems that we are at risk for the rest of our life. Since we did this to be more healthier, it would be dumb not to follow the changes to the end and reach the goal we wish for. Some do not follow those better habits, and they are the one that Aunt Suzie or whomever quotes to us and says"so and so has sugery but they have put their weight back on". If you look at the accrediating website for biatric surgerons there are criteria they have to what a program should have to make success occur, Dr. Bour has them all except onsite exercise. He encourages it, but it is not a formal part of his program (which most programs do not due to cost and repayment issues).

One conversation I had with her prior to surgery was... I have prayed and searched my soul about it. Yes I know there are complications and I worry about them. Yes I know you are not thrilled I am having it done. However, if you can not be supportive in my first few months as I learn how to cope with my new lifestyle I will have to limit my contact with you, because I need all the supportive therapy to make a great success of the rest of my life.

She now no longer verbalizes her concerns about my choice because I set the boundries. However, she does praise me or check in on me,....but if she is uncomfortable we change the subject.

Hang in there...we will be as much support as you allow us to be.

Laurie