Truth

Since last night, I have been unable to focus on ANYTHING but this whole situation. I go from being angry, to hurt, and then quickly back to anger again. And what makes it even more frustrating ... I don't know where to direct this anger. Part of it is headed in Dr. Bour's direction for choosing to handle (what he perceives to be) "this problem" in such a public forum. Because we have been free with our invitations to others in there to join us anytime for "after-support", there were few there who were in the dark about where his remarks were pointed. But most of my anger and frustration is caused by the fact that he has been fed some obviously UNTRUE information. While we have made it no secret that we meet at restaurants, we are not meeting to booze it up and pig out on fried foods every week. (For the record: I am nearing my one-year-post-op mark, and I don't think it's THAT horrific if I have a drink with my dinner OCCASIONALLY. Truth be told, I don't think Dr. Bour has a problem with that.) But to accuse us (and I'm sure it was US, since he said "When you go to Sabroso's") of coming to his meetings and BRAGGING about all the fried foods and alcohol we consume every week ... well, that's just something someone pulled right out of their ass. We have NEVER gone into his office and talked about anything like that ... because that has NEVER happened. (How many nights have I sat in our after-meetings and felt sorry for our server??!! All those separate checks for ice water and small (or shared) entree ... and bring me a box!) Whether it's someone from his office, or other patients who lurk here on the board ... someone is embellishing the truth, and forming opinions based on their vivid imagination. And I know Kathy's correct ... we brought it on ourselves by putting ourselves out here in a public forum. Anyone and everyone is free to read and form opinions of us, based on what we post on a message board and on our profiles. Unfortunately, that's a really small slice of who we are. Yes, I struggle to "follow the rules". Every day. If you've had the surgery, you will too. I renew my strength to make good choices every Monday night at our UPS meetings. The meetings at the office? Not so much. But I still attend those office meetings, just in case I might find some support there, too. I admit freely: I NEED SUPPORT. And lots of it. And just so you know, Lurker-Person ... last night's office meeting was not supportive. Happy? Hope so. The saddest part of all, for me: Dr. Bour believed the rumors.

i feel the exact same way dawn.. the hardest thing of ALL of this is that the ONE person whom i REALLY wanted to impress with my weight loss this whole time, and receive some praise from was dr bour. And now, i feel degraded and shot down.. by HIM. He doesnt even know the truth and he choses to use my email to them as a MOCKERY about "Dr bours BABES" and such.. when i never called us his babes.. It Really hurts my feelings for him to act like that. Especially when I have taken time out of my schedule to do "information sessions" For his office, and while my dad was in ICU , and still spoke nothing but GREAT things about them and their practice and never once mentioned my dad was in the hospital at the time with complications so that i would not scare off the new patients.. Then Lacey told my mom that they had the biggest amount of people to join that night after i spoke.. and yet we still get chastised like this from them. And I just have to say for the record, that they have not given a damn about their support group schedule for a WHILE now.. They never even know who is speaking until 15 minutes beforehand! If they would actually make it great and SUPPORTIVE like OUR meetings then it would be a priority again. But some of us have lives, children to take care of and work and we cannot jump out of here at 5 and just leave to go to a meeting that we dont even know who is speaking, and God forbid them bring some jackass in from a gym again who is going to tell us he lost weight the HARD way by exercise.. That was a wise move !!! LET ME STOP before i REALLY go off! love you dawn! jen

Jen- There really was a group called "Bour's babes" before us. Katie had mentioned it to Tanya. When we started our support group over a year ago, it was mentioned to her as a WARNING. So he wasn't really talking about us at that point in the conversation...HOWEVER the rest was about us. It was obvious. I know what you are saying about wanting to impress him. I told that exact same thing to Michelle at the last appointment I scheduled with her when I felt I needed help. It makes me sad. He is a great surgeon. However, here is where that "bedside manner" and empathy with his patients would come in handy. He has neither. Kathy

DISCLAIMER: I was not at the meeting last night and I am not a patient of Dr Bour's From what I have read.. it sounds to me like Dr Bour was EXTREMELY unprofessional. There is a time and place for things like this.. and alone in an office with the door shut is where this should have taken place. If this information was given to him second hand, his actions should have been one of " I want it from the patients mouth" .. not from what is read on a message board.... Seems to me.. the patients have formed a close knit social group because his office lacks what it takes to make a successful meeting. Just my opinion tho

I agree with all of that. Well Said, my dear, well said! I still haven't gone off like I want to but I'm still too busy chewing on that french fry!!

Give me my damn french fry back!!! now hussy!!! And my beer! jen

Hey Guys; It has been a while since I have been on the board, and I must say, I am totally blown away by what I am reading about the conduct at last night's meeting. I wasn't there, and I wish I had been, but my children had awards stuff last night. I have been really struggling since my 3 month check up with Dr. Bour last Thursday. I thought I was doing really well, I have lost 63 lbs since 2/6, and 83 lbs since 1/10. I was so happy I did the happy dance. But then I was informed by Dr. B. that I had only lost 23% of my excess weight, and I should be at 44% right now. You could have knocked me down with a feather. I am exercising 5 days a week, and told him I had my food journals, and I am doing whatever he has told me to. I got no support, just back peddling about how I carry my weight low, and how "skin" weighs more, etc. What? I was devestated. He did not offer to set up an appointment with the nutionist, just told me to keep doing what I am doing . . . ?????? Is this crazy? He was kind when he saw I was upset, but what??? I also totally agree with Jen about the support group meetings. They have not been a help to me whatsoever, and I can't stay out late because I have little ones, so I miss the after-meetings, which I enjoy because they really help me. And now it looks like I won't even have you guys to go to? This board has been the only thing that has really helped me, and now I am really lost If I can't even get honest help here either. Kathy, you have been an inspiration to me. You are you, and I love you! It was good to see people being real, and I can relate to struggle, and try to be a help when I can. However, since my 3 month appointment, the honeymoon is over for me. I am just as sad as I was before surgery. Now I have altered my body, and I feel like I am going to fail, and I feel like I have no where to go if you guys stop being there, and letting those of us who are struggling, know how you made it through, with the good bad and the ugly. Please don't stop! We love you and need you! Please somebody e-mail me at [email protected] and let me know what went on yesterday so I will know what happened??? Pretty please? Love to all of my upstate "sisters and bros." Terri

I am so saddened but this entire thing. I am not a patient of Dr. Bours either, but some of my best friends are and yes I have to say best friends. I am the farthest out in our group at 19 months I have gone from 256 to 142 and have maintained 142 for the last 9 months hanging with these women with all this supposed bad behavior. These women have brought me back to life as a person and I so look forward to seeing them weekly. We have all created a bond that is awesome. As stated also in some of the posts about this situation this is a tool your life does not stop, can I stress a tool not a diet. Diets didn't work for us or we would not be here. Our eating habbits have changed greatly since before surgery and yes I occasionally have a ****tail so what. I feel I have been successful as all my girls I feel have been to. I feel bad for the newbies that will not gain from my girls success because of this entire mess. Even though I am the farthest out this girls are a big inspiration to me and help me stay on track, the keep me feeling positive about myself and thank God everyday they are my friends. As for Dr Bour I feel like this was very unproffesional and very uncalled for. If he was having issues with this group maybe he should have stopped by the after meeting last night and saw for himself what truely goes on instead of going by hearsay. If ha had he would have seen grilled shrimp, grilled chicken salads etc and no alcohol. I think before he made an issue of this publicly he shoud have taken it upon himself to see the truth. I am so glad I chose my Dr instead of paying 2500.00 for what has always seemed to me a way to push their store products and meals. I also feel like this entire ordeal was not to benifit the patients but to try to make him look better. All you newbies I am sorry that a few nosey people have possibly ruiend the chance for you to gain from these beautiful womens experience, but truth be told I love my girls and trust everyone of them and if we don't have anyone else hang with us is just fine by me. I love you guys Marcey

Miss Dawn.. I said it before and I'll say it again.. you are truely an inspiration to me.. I adore you.. and admire you

*muah* The feeling is mutual.