My niece is coming to live with me

Well, my brother in law talked my niece into coming down here to live. He is bringing her down from Virginia tomorrow if she will come. Part of me is happy because I don't want her in the environment she is in (not with her dad but with the friends she is hanging around). But part of me is scared and worried that she will do the same things here that she is doing there when she comes down. I want her to come down here but I'm scared. I don't want to fail her too. My daughter is away at school because she was out of my control so I got the courts to order her incorrugible and I have her in a residential treatment center. What makes me think I can do any better with my niece???? But I know I have to try. If my sister were alive and I was dead I'm sure she would do the same thing and take care of my daughter. But what if I can't and she messes up here? Then what do I do? Where is she supposed to go? She'll be 18 at the end of July but that doesn't mean I kick her out and she is on her own. She needs guidance, therapy, a GED (because she just quit school) and a job. But what about my 8 year old son? He went through hell with my daughter and I don't want to put him through that again. But Maegan is different than my daughter in one respect at least. She is not disrespectful and vulgar with me like my daughter used to be. At least she hasn't been in the past. Hopefully she won't be now either. I know - I'm rambling. I asked for this and now I am getting it. I hope God is watching over me and will tell me what to do. Let me rephrase - I know God will tell me what to do I just hope my ears are open when He talks to me! Thanks for listening! Susan

Susan, well I really think you would be miserable knowing you didn't help her so you are doing the right thing by taking her in. I would first of all sit down with her and try to find out what is going on in her life. Let her know that you are there for her and want to help her. Also set down the rules because your right your son shouldn't have to suffer while you are helping her. I really do admire you for helping her in her time of your need. I really think your sister will be smiling down on you! Take it day by day and I will be thinking of you and praying for this situation! Teresa

You're right - I would not be happy with myself at all if I didn't at least try to help her. Her mom died when she was 12 and since then things have gone really downhill for her. I know her mom's death has had a great impact on her life and it didn't help that her father didn't put her in counseling immediately (or hardly at all, for that matter) and they don't talk about it much either. I want to get her in counseling ASAP! That will probably be the first order of business. I've already talked to Jeff (her dad) about signing over guardianship to me so that I can take care of her properly and he is going to get the paperwork started on Monday. I am going to try to write up some ground rules and have a long talk with her. I know she loves me and I love her too and I feel like she just needs a mother-figure to take care of her like her mom would. Well, I am that person. I'm also going to have a long talk with my son about this also. He needs to know why she is there and how things are going to be. I think he will be okay with it - he's a great kid. Thanks for the words of encouragement! I really need it right now. Susan

Susan, You are one of the strongest, bravest, and kindest women that I know. You are doing the right thing and your niece is probably acting out partly because of the lack of a "mother figure". God will not give you more than you can handle. We're here for you. Love ya lots, i'm in the middle of a final, but had to take a break. Talk to you soon mary

Mary, you are too sweet! Thank you! I know you are right that God will not give me more than I can handle but I wish sometimes he didn't think I was so strong! lol. Thanks, Susan

Dear Susan, I am happy that your niece is coming down I know its pretty scary just try to have faith, if you ever need to talk please call me for I really have had some rough times as well, I will say a prayer for you, Gayle

Thank you, Gayle. I might be taking you up on that offer to talk! I'll probably be bringing her to group next week so everyone can meet her. Susan

Susan, You certainly are one special lady! I have a lot of respect for you as a person for doing this and I bet that your sister is with you in spirit and is going to be helping you and guiding you in some way. I keep reading these things how when we pass on our 'engergies' and our 'spirits' guide our loved ones. I dont know what I believe these days, I tell you.... I am SO CONFUSED!!! But I do think that your sister will be helping you to help your niece!! And I do think that your daughter will be more respectful for you as a result of all this and that it will also bring back some normalcy to the relationship with your 8 yr old son. The family dynamic will feel more in sync. I hope i am not overstepping my boundaries here, I am just speaking from my heart and from the posts that I have read and from msgs you have sent to me. I really think things will work out wonderfully for you though. Just know that you cant control it all, you can only do what you know is right and you can only be there for them, and if they choose a different path, dont blame Susan.... know that YOU gave it your best. hugs and I cant wait to see you!! xoxo

No, you are not overstepping your bounds here. Any and all words of wisdom accepted! lol. Thank you for the kind words. I know Mandy (my sister) is going to help me out and I know for a fact that God is going to take care of me and my family. I'm just scared that I have "bit off more than I can chew" and that I will make her worse instead of better. I have talked to Madison (my daughter) about it this morning and she fully agrees that I am doing the right thing. She said that she might be a little jealous because she is not at home with me and Maegan is, but that she will be okay. Madison will be home the end of May so it won't be too long. She even offered her room to Maegan so I thought that was nice. And she suggested that I take Maegan to her old counselor asap. So, she really has matured quite a bit after all! Maegan needs love and guidance right now and that's what I intend on giving her. Thank you so much for everything. I can't wait to meet you!!!! Susan

Susan...is your neice saved? Does she know the Lord? He can make all the difference in the world to a young person (and even old, I wasn't saved until I was 37)...the Lord is waiting to help in this situation. He just has to asked to help and then do what He tells you to do. Love her is the best advice..and love does have rules...God gives us boundaries and our children and we too need boundaries. It makes us feell safe and protected. I will be praying for love to abound and your hearts to be knit together in that love. In His love, Joan M