a place to live

This may be a little premature but DH and I are thinking of separating short time to work out some issues. Does anyone know anywhere not really expensive that I could rent? Doesn't have to be in Spartanburg, Greenville is ok. I was really hoping to find something like an apartment over a garage or something so I would feel safer knowing people are around. Thanks so much. I really hope I am jumping the gun. Rachel

Rachel: I'm really sorry for all that you're going through. I'll keep my eyes and ears open, I live in Mauldin. E-mail me specifics, what you're looking for, how much you want to spend, etc. Colleen

As little as possible. I'm not for sure that we are gonna separate but we are talking and thinking about it.

Rachel, I am SO Sorry you are going through this. Please put anything you do to prayer. This surgery seems to be a catalyst to divorce for LOTS of people....I don't know why, but it seems most men are threatened when their spouses lose weight. I am praying for you, and just know that no matter what, you want God's will in your life, so please do allow God to do any restoration and healing in your marriage. If your hubby is not saved, you need to pray on that too. I hate to see marriages break up, but I totally understand. We were on vacation this past week to Hawaii, and just all these feelings swept over me that I was feeling "what the heck am I doing in this marriage". I love my husband, but I am worried that when we were together for 24/7, we have nothing in common anymore, and its just different than it used to be. He is sooooo boring and old now. Mind you I am not a drinker, or partier, or anything like that, but I felt as if I were married to an old man 30 years older than me. We are also having some money difficulties, which will strain any marriage, so I am just maybe under attack by satan, so I am just putting it all to prayer. When we were married about 7 years, we went through a bad spot, and now just over 20.5 years, it is sorting happening again....no kids at home, and he is always gone, and just the whole strain thing. Praying for you girlfriend, remember, God can do anything, and I am saying that for my benefit as much as yours!! Hugs and Kisses, Deb

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Unfortunately, we are having to deal with his unfaithfullness with a girl from work. The affair is over but the healing is just beginning. Its not going too good. Thanks for praying for me...we really need that now. Rachel

AFTER LIVING THROUGH 30 YEARS OF A DEVASTING MARRIAGE, I HAVE A LITTLE DIFFERENT TAKE ON THINGS ... ONCE THINGS GET TO THE "WE'RE SEPARATING TO FIX OUR MARRIAGE" STAGE (I tried this 3 times) ... YOU GOTTA FIGURE THE MARRIAGE IS NOT GOING TO BE FIXED, NOT IN THE NEAR FUTURE ANYWAY. MORE FREEDOM & FREE TIME TO SOMEONE WHO IS UNFAITHFUL IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THEM MORE FAITHFUL. LEAVING THE STRESSFUL DAILY SITUATION OF LIVING TOGETHER, IS NOT GOING TO MOTIVATE YOU & HUBBY TO WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE ISSUES. IT MAY SOMEWHAT RELIEVE THE TOXIC STRESS YOU LIVE IN DAILY UNLESS YOU OBSESS ABOUT IT EVERY MINUTE YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER. MY SUGGESTION IS THIS ... WORK ON YOURSELF. CONTINUE REGAINING YOUR HEALTH & LOSING WEIGHT (do it for yourself, not to "show him" what a great person he cheated on), BECOME THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE. GO TO CHURCH, GO TO COLLEGE OR TAKE UP A HOBBY YOU ARE INTERESTED IN, GO TO THE GYM ... DO ANYTHING & EVERYTHING THAT YOU CAN TO MAKE A POSITIVE CHANGE IN YOU. LET HIM DEAL WITH HIS OWN ISSUES, OR NOT. REMEMBER, THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE IS "Y-O-U". &, WAITING AROUND FOREVER FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO CHANGE TO BE THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE, IS JUST A WASTE OF TIME. THE POINT IS THAT AS YOU GROW & CHANGE (&, he may or may not grow or change), YOU WILL GAIN DIGNITY, IMPROVED SELF-IMAGE, YOUR STANDARDS WILL RISE AS TO WHAT YOU WANT & DON'T WANT IN YOUR LIFE & IN OTHERS WHO ARE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'LL HAVE GOALS WORTHY OF YOUR EFFORT, YOU'LL ACCOMPLISH THINGS OF VALUE ... & YOU MAY JUST FIND THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WANTED IN A MARRIAGE BEFORE, REALLY ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU. REACH FOR THE STARS; DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS. YOUR HUBBY MAY FIND THAT AS YOU BECOME A MORE-CONFIDENT, CAPABLE YOUNG WOMAN ... HE MAY BE MOTIVATED TO IMPROVE HIMSELF JUST TO KEEP YOU. THEN AGAIN, HE MAY NOT ... UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS NOT A REFLEXTION ON YOU. IT'S HIS CHOICE ... HIS LOSS. PEOPLE TREAT US THE WAY WE ALLOW THEM TO TREAT US. EXPECT PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP & YOU'LL DRAW THOSE TYPE OF PEOPLE TO YOU. ACCEPT UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR & DON'T HOLD OTHERS ACCOUNTABLE, & THEY WILL ACT IN AN UACCEPTABLE MANNER. BUT ... TREAT OTHERS WITH RESPECT & HONESTY & EXPECT THE SAME FROM THEM, HOLDING THEM ACCOUNTABLE WHEN THEY DON'T LIVE UP TO QUALITY STANDARDS, & THEY WILL RISE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS USUALLY FAR EXCEEDING ANYTHING YOU EXPECTED. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH OTHERS WHO LIVE BY A CODE OF INTEGRITY & EXCEPTIONAL CHARACTER ... & BE CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO TELL THOSE WHO LIVE LESS-THAN-HONORABLE LIVES THAT THEY AREN'T WELCOMED IN YOUR LIFE ... THAT YOU EXPECT MORE FROM THEM. WE BECOME WHO WE HANG AROUND WITH ... WHETHER THAT IS A FRIEND OR A SPOUSE. INTEGRITY & CHARACTER MATTER. MAKE CHOICES BASED ON THE QUALITY OF THE PERSON & RELATIONSHIP. IF HE IS TRULY CHANGING, ACTIVELY DEALING WITH THE LACK IN HIM THAT LED HIM TO CHEAT ... THEN, WORK WITH HIM TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE; DON'T MOVE OUT. IF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER ARE JUST REHASHING THE SAME OL' ISSUES GETTING NOWHERE IN REBUILDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP, DECIDE WHETHER A COUNSELOR MAY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU TWO THROUGH THIS ... &, IF NOT, THEN IT'S TIME TO GO YOUR SEPARATE WAYS. AS FAR AS THE RELIGIOUS SIDE OF THINGS ... I LOVE THE LORD DEARLY SO I LOOK WHO HIS INNER CIRCLE WAS (who was his closest family that He surrounded himself with & who he trusted with His mission in life), THEY WERE PEOPLE OF INTEGRITY & CHARACTER WHO BELIEVED IN THE SAME THINGS HE DID &&& WHO ACTED & LIVED IN A MANNER THAT KEPT THEM IN UNITY. EVEN JUDAS, THE BETRAYER, LIVED IN HARMONY WITH EVERYONE UNTIL THE END. WHEN JESUS KNEW HE WAS ABOUT TO BETRAY HIM, HE GAVE JUDAS A CHANCE TO CHANGE BY CONFRONTING HIM AT THE LAST SUPPER, BUT HE DIDN'T GO RUNNING AFTER JUDAS BEGGING HIM TO CHANGE, HE DIDN'T DRAG HIM TO A SHRINK, HE DIDN'T WHINE TO THE REST OF THE ASPOSTLES ... HE WENT ON WITH HIS LIFE & WITH HIS MINISTRY. IF HUBBY HASN'T REALLY CHANGED, THEN GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE & BECOME THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON THAT YOU CAN BE. YOUR HUSBAND HAS THE SAME OPPORTUNITY TO DO THE SAME BUT IT IS HIS CHOICE, FOR GOOD OR FOR BAD. PRAYERS COMING YOUR WAY ... GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk PS: TURNING TO YOUR FRIENDS IS COMFORTING, BUT TURNING TO ALCOHOL & PARTYING IS DANGEROUS. BE CAREFUL, SWEETIE. IN TIMES OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, WE SOMETIMES GET OURSELVES IN TROUBLE BY POOR DECISIONS WE WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE IN OUR "RIGHT MIND".

Dawn, you are so wise !!!!!! I took so much from your words of wisdom, I hope Rachel does.

THANKS SWEETIE ... BUT, ANY WISDOM I HAVE IS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES IN MY OWN LIFE ... LIKE, DAH-UHHH! SO, IF I CAN HELP ANYONE TO NOT (at least) MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I DID ... THEN, IT'S ALL WORTH IT! GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk PS: OK, YOU SUCKED UP ENOUGH TO ME THAT I'LL ADOPT YOU!

Thanks for the advice. I needed to hear it but then again, I already knew it. Believing it and doing it are 2 different things. Thanks. Don't worry about the alcohol situation. I only have 1 drink and end up staying until the buzz has worn off. It is not a habit and my great friends in the upstate will keep me out of trouble.

YOU'RE SO WELCOMED, SWEETHEART. YOU'RE SO VERY RIGHT ... KNOWING & DOING, ISN'T THAT OUR STRUGGLE IN MOST SITUATIONS!! WE JUST WANT THE BEST LIFE FOR YOU! SO, YOU FOCUS ON YOU, SWEETIE & EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE AS YOU CONTINUE TO BECOME THE PERSON YOU WERE MEANT TO BE! OK, JUST WORRIED FOR YOU! GOOD TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE WISE ABOUT DRINKING. I'M SUPER SENSITIVE TO ALCOHOL SITUATIONS AS I WAS MARRIED TO AN ALCOHOLIC FOR 30 YEARS. GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk