HELP H ELP!

My mom (whom I just told last week) just sent me the following email and I do not know HOW to repsond to this??? " 1 out of 50 people die from gastric by-pass complications 10 out of 50 people have minor to major complications. What is this doctors mortality and complication rate - percentages - have you asked? I know of one personal incident where this doctor nicked a patient's bowel, and was transferred to Greenville Memorial for at least 3 weeks and almost died but he lost weight. He is still struggling and looks awful. Are you and family prepared for complications including an extended stay at the hospital, or you having to return to the hospital for developing complications? Are you prepared to be out work longer if complications arise? Are you prepared to exercise after the surgery as required? Are you prepared to have marital problems? Are you prepared to NEVER be able to enjoy a holiday meal? Why didn't you call me IN THE BEGINNING WHEN YOU MADE THIS DECISION? "

Give her all the health risks of obesity and compare them to th health risks of gastric Bypass. Give her Dr. Bour's Mortality rate. He will give it to you. Show her this site. Let her look at all our profiles. Let her see how happy and healthy we all are. Bring her to a support meeting. Let her meet us. Let her know that it is not true that you can no longer enjoy a holiday meal. Enjoying a Holiday meal does not mean GORGING yourself. I think I actually enjoyed this last Christmas meal more than the year before when I hadn't had surgery yet. Marital problems don't always happen. This surgery will break a weak marraige and make a strong one stronger. I'm sorry she is doing this to you. I think you said that she has never had a weight problem. Am I correct? Then she'll probably never understand. Diet and exercise alone do not work for everyone. Just let her know thatyou have done your research and that you are secure in your decision. You have decided to be happy and healthy for you and your family. She is probably just worried about you. She'll come around. If not, you have to live your life for YOU. You can't spend all your time trying to make other people happy and forgetting about yourself. thats what got half of us in the predicament weare in today anyway. Kathy

Hi Melissa Wow!! It is so hard when your family is not supportive of your decision for surgery. It maybe that she just needs more info. I would try to get as much info ( including more accurate statistics) to give to her. Maybe if she could attend an info seminar with you or go to an appointment with your doc she would have a better understanding of this process. A lot of it my just be her fear of lossing you. People don't understand that obese people are at greater risk of dying then people who have had the surgery. People don't realize that obesity kills, because peopl don't die from being fat they die from the complications from being fat.....high blood pressure...diabetes....heart and lung problems. People don't get that being fat pretty much gaurantees we are going to develop another disease that everyone knows will kill. It is like they can't put 2 and 2 together. I would just try to give her the facts and hope that she will come around to it. I wish you luck!!!! Melissa

All you can do is tell her you are making an informed decision. There is always going to be a down-side to every surgery. Let her come to a support group meeting. Allow her to attend a seminar at your Dr's office... But in the end.. YOU have to do what's best for YOU... Stephanie

Hey Melissa: I can totally relate to you right now. My parents were totally against my surgery, and told me so every time I talked to them and saw them for the 6 months before my surgery. They also told me that they would be "praying" that I would come to my senses, and just try to "honestly" diet and exercise again. UGGGH! After I had grand dreams of using duct tape on my family members, I calmed down and I gave my mom the benefit of the doubt, because I too am a mother, and believe me I would worry about ANY surgery my children would go through. HOWEVER . . . There is a fine line between concern and support, and just a "not helping" attitude. I totally agree with Kathy and Melissa, try to get her the most information possible. Invite her to Dr. Bour's information session. He also will give you his stats. They are low. Since it looks like she is researching surgery options, have her go to www.cdc.gov/overweight (The goverment's Center for Disease Control Website that outlines the statistics for stroke, heart attack, and other co-morbidities of being considerably overweight. They are much higher than Dr. Bour's surgery stats. I lost it one day with my mother and told her that I could also have an accident and be severly injured or worse because my belly is rubbing the steering wheel. I asked her if she had the stats on that in the internet, and to please look that up! . . . LOL Anyway . . . Please know that you are in good company, you are not alone. Do your homework, make the decision for YOURSELF, and don't look back. Love your family, and those around you the best you can, and soon enough they will come around to your way of thinking. (My parents did, and are now again my biggest fans.) Love and prayers to you! Terri

I am so sorry Melissa, you do not need to be going through this. ((((HUGS)))) I would simply answer her questions. I would also ask her where she got those stats. The Upstate girls are right on everything, ask your doctor to give his stats. He will give them to you. Dr. Byrne did for the LCBB during one of the seminars. You will enjoy a holiday meal again. I eat pretty much like a normal person. There are some things I can not eat but those are the things I really should not be eating, white carbs and sweets. If your marriage is strong, then it will survive this. Yes there are some people who do have broken marriages after the surgery but it was not a truly strong marriage to begin with. Let her know that you have planned for this and you have not made this decision lightly. I wish you luck and I hope she comes around. Julie

Ohhh no Melissa! So sorry your Mom is worrying ... but as a Mom, I do understand where she's coming from. Unfortunately, it sounds as if she has been misinformed about the surgery. Please do what the others have told you ... ask Dr. Bour for his stats and information on complication and mortality rates. And by all means, invite her to support group. She's not the first family member to have concerns and worries ... my brother and sister-in-law tried their best to talk me out of surgery, and my mother-in-law made sure I knew ALL the latest rumors and misinformation about WLS. I bet almost everyone on this board had to deal with at least one person in their life who wasn't supoortive. I'm sure her worry and concern come from her love for you and her strong desire to make sure you are safe ... all natural for us Mama's, right? Invite her to get educated on the surgery and the Doctor you have chosen. Hopefully, once she is more informed, she can support your choice. If not, you ...as an adult ... have to decide whether or not you can do this WITHOUT her support. I wish you the best ... please make an appt. to talk with Dr. Bour (and the new psychologist) about this. Dawn

Melissa: So sorry you're going through this. Been there, done that. I had to listen to my mom and two sisters with their "statistics" all the way from New Jersey. My mom and 1 sister don't and never had a weight problem and my other sister has a weight problem that she refuses to acknowlege. Everyone's advice is right one. Educate, Educate, Educate. Know that they are concerned out of love but ignorance when it comes to the problems that we face because of our weight. My family and I agreed to disagree and not to discuss it because my mind, heart and spirit were confident in my decision (I did have the support of my husband, children and friends) and yes they were concerned too but they knew I had done all my research. As soon as my surgery was over, my husband phoned them all to tell them everything went great they're attitudes have changed dramatically. I flew up to NJ 2 months after surgery and my mom and sister are now my biggest champions and "brag" about the differences they can see already to anyone overweight who will listen. As long as you're sure yourself and you have support (we're all here for you) I'm sure everything will work out. Colleen

When I went to my family doc. he asked me if I had concidered weight loss surgery. At that time I did not think it was posable for me because I could not afford it. The Dr. said to think about it. I said I heard you could die or have complications from it and he said yes there is a chance of dieing and of complications but it was real slim but that he would garrentee I would die with my hight blood pressure and suger and other complactations from my over weight. I had the surgery with not one problem and am 7 months out and down 84 pds and feel 100% better.Tell your mom to ask the people that have had it and see how many off them would do it over again if they had to. Rose

Melissa, (a little Angel dropped me a line, and I thought I'd share...) SOME OUTCOMES OF BARIATRIC SURGERY (information taken from Clevland Clinic Journal of Medicine, March 2006) Dr. Buchwald (*) collected data on outcomes of bariatric surgery In a meta-analysis of 22,094 patients. The average excess weight loss for all types of procedures was 61.2%. When stratified by type of surgery, the average excess weight loss was: ? 47.5% for gastric banding ? 61.6% for gastric bypass ? 68.2% for gastroplasty ? 70.1% for biliopancreatic diversion/duodenal switch. Overall, each type of surgery was safe, with the more complex surgeries Carrying a greater risk of morbidity and mortality. Mortality ranged from a low of- 0.1% for restrictive procedures To 1.1% for biliopancreatic diversion/duodenal switch. The Effect on Comorbidities? Importantly, the reductions in comorbidities are also quite impressive. In this same meta-analysis, Diabetes resolved in 76.8% of cases, Lipid profiles improved in 70.0%, Hypertension resolved in 61.7%, And obstructive sleep apnea resolved in 85.7%.(*) Effect on life span? Evidence suggests that bariatric surgery also increases life span. In a study comparing survival between 62,781 morbidly obese patients Who had undergone gastric bypass And 3,328 morbidly obese patients who had not, The 15-year survival rate for patients younger than 40 years was 13.8% For those who underwent surgery vs 3.0% for those who did not.(**) (A 10% increase of Life Span) Effect on overall health costs? Studies are beginning to emerge that suggest that bariatric surgery Yields savings in overall health care expenditures over time. Typical are the results of a retrospective study by Potteiger (***) In 51 consecutive patients with obesity-related hypertension and diabetes Who underwent bariatric surgery. The average number of medications Taken by these patients fell to from 2.44 preoperatively to 0.56 At 9 months after surgery, and the total monthly cost of their diabetic And Anti-hypertensive medications declined 77% over the same period. Obesity is a major public health problem in developed nations worldwide. Currently, THE ONLY TREATMENT for severe obesity (BMI ≥35 kg/m2 with comorbidity) THAT PROVIDES LONG-TERM WEIGHT LOSS IS BARIATRIC SURGERY. Restrictive, malabsorptive, and combination procedures have been developed. Each type of procedure has its merits and unique set of risks and complications. Weight loss after bariatric surgery is accompanied by predictable improvement Or resolution of obesity-related comorbidities and improved quality of life AND LIFE EXPECTANCY. Candidates for bariatric surgery are often at high risk for complications Because of obesity-related comorbidities. Therefore, careful patient selection for bariatric surgery, Together with well-designed strategies for preventing and managing complications, Are keys to success. Close monitoring for nutritional deficiencies And short- and long-term complications is required To completely assess outcomes of these procedures. From the following studies------- *. Buchwald H, Avidor Y, Braunwald E, et al. Bariatric surgery: a systematic review and meta-analysis. JAMA 2004; 292:1724-1737. **. Flum DR, Dellinger EP. Impact of gastric bypass operation on survival: a population-based analysis. J Am Coll Surg 2004; 199:543-551. ***. Potteiger CE, Paragi PR, Inverso NA, et al. Bariatric surgery: shedding the monetary weight of prescription costs in the managed care arena. Obes Surg 2004; 14:725-1730. Hope this helps others just scanning by as well! Best Wishes- Dx