I told my mom about the surgery

So, last night I told my mom about the surgery...my dad is out of town...and it went exactly as planned, but it didnt make it any easier. She said she was very disappointed and that she felt I was taking the 'easy way out' and that if I would excercise and watch what I ate I could lose the weight because people do it all the time...I did point out that if it were as simple as that, we would not have the obesity epedimic (sp?) we currently have. Anyway, I am sure she'll talk to me again when she gets over it in a month or so. Its not the first time she has been disapproving of me, it seem to be a pattern in my life with my parents, especially when it comes to my weight. But, onward, ho!...no, i am not calling ya'll hos LOL!!! I am ready to move forward and be healthy and look fabulous! ~Melissa

I'm sorry things did not go as you wished they would. Go to my profile and read my story. I had the same push back from my Mom, and husband. I had to really dig deep into my own thoughts and gather the strength to go through this process alone. I've had lots of complications and quite a bit of "I told you something like this would happen" but I'm still glad I did it. I've lost 57lbs so far but I currently have a feeding tube so the weight loss has stopped. It will get better though and I will loose the weight and some of the health problems I had. This surgery is not an easy way out! I've heard that too, but it's one of the most difficult things I've ever had to endure. Stay strong and continue to visit us here for the support you are going to need to get through this. You are going to have to be selfish this one time in your life and do what you have to do to save your life! Take care hun, we are here for you if you need us. Robin

Thank you, Robin and actually I HAVE read your story and even THOUGHT about you when I was trying to prepare myself to tell her. And I am so glad I found you guys! God Bless and I hope that your health problems are soon a thing of the past...

Hi Melissa, First of all I want to say that I am glad you have the drive to keep on although your family does not approve. Do they approve of you being miserable? Do they approve of all the health problems caused from obesity? Isn't it funny how we struggle with weight issues and everyone(even our own families) do not understand the battle? If I could have gotten this weight off on my own I would have. My doctor mentioned surgery to me years before I ever had it and I said NO!! I tried and tried to lose and finally gave in because I knew it was deeper than that. Some of us can not lose no matter what we eat or how much we exercise. Anyway, you have a family here until your family comes around. After you have your surgery and lose weight then your family will realize it is a great thing. I am not saying your family is mean or anything. I just think that people fear not knowing about this surgery. They have not looked into it like we have. You will have a new life after the weight is gone and your family will see what a difference it has made for you all around. Your QUALITY of life changes. Go for it!! Don't give up. Theresa

Theresa, thank you for your words of encouragement! And I sooo agree with the fear people have about the surgery...fear of the unknown! My parents have never had to struggle with their weight, but it does run in my family, much,much morbid obesity and I grew up seeing them struggle with life...everthing they did everyday. I am ready to kiss that kind of life goodbye!

Alot of people don't realize how hard it is to lose weight and how hard having this surgery really is. ESPECIALLY making the decision to take the big step and going through with it. It is not a decision made lightly. You are basically rearranging your anatomy. My mom didn't want me to have it becasue of other people she knew that had had it. They had no aftercare. they didn't take their vitamins, they didn't look healthy. Her first response was "No! You are going to look sick!" My response was "Mom, I'm sick NOW. Even if I look healthy to you." Since then she has been very proud of me and my progress. She was actaully surprised tha I looked healthy. When she saw me the first time after surgery , she thought I was going to look haggard. Your mom will come around. The only people that understand are those that are in our shoes. We have to live for ourselves and not other people. When she sees you being happy and healthy, she will be glad that you made this decision. Really, that is all our parents want for us anyway. As long as YOU are secure with this decision, you have made the right choice. Kathy

Melissa, Good for you for telling your Mom. I am just sorry she does not see the benefit you will gain. A lot of times the fear and disapproving comes from not knowing. If and when you talk to your Mom again, tell her about all the research you did and ask if she would like to speak to the Drs herself. She is probably scared for you and maybe a little jealous. If she is overweight and has been struggling with her weight then she may be jealous that you are really taking a more proactive step in getting your health and life back. I know I was scared when I told my parents. I waited until I had all the paperwork in and had the appointments lined up. When I first mentioned the surgery, they were very apprehensive about it. When I decided to go through with it, I told them they may not like what I am about to say but I am doing it anyway. They asked my why I said that and I told them it was because of the reaction I got the first time. You know what my Mom said, 'Well I only acted like that because it seemed that is what you wanted to hear. That you were not to sure about the surgery.' I could have shot her All I wanted to hear was the truth, not what she thought I wanted to hear. I got lucky, my family and friends were and are very supportive of the decision and have been proud of me from the beginning. Also, this is not the easy way out! By any means. It is simply a tool that you will use to get the weight off. It really bothers me when people think that this is easy. You just dont wake up one day and decide 'I think I will have WLS.' There is research and a commintment for a life long lifestyle change. Granted, I have had an easy road after surgery (I had no complications, one bout of nausea and vomiting that lasted all of 2 minutes and no real pain, it felt like I did one too many sit-ups). And I do not feel like I took the easy way out. I had tried for years to lose the weight. I excerised almost everyday for years and nothing. I wish and hope your Mom comes around. But like the other poster said, you have a family here that is supporting you all the way to the loser bench and beyond. Julie

((((((((((((((((( Hugs )))))))))))))))))))))) to you Melissa ... Dawn

Melissa, I am so sorry to hear that you are not getting the support you deserve from your family. However, we can give you all the support you need. This website has been absolutely wonderful for me post-op. I had surgery 1/10/07 and have since lost about 62lbs. I am losing slower than most, but over 60 lbs in 13 weeks is still pretty damn good. I hate when someone says that I took the "easy way" out. This is definitely not the easy way out. There is no easy way to lose weight. If there was, then no one would be fat!!!! Keep your head up, and please be sure to visit the board often. All of us have had different experiences before, during, and after surgery and can give you a vast aray of knowledge and tips. Good luck to you! IRIS

I'M NOT STANDING UP FOR YOUR MOM, MS MELISSA, CUZ IT SOUND LIKE Y'ALL HAVE SOME DEEP ISSUES THAT HAVE HURT YOU TREMENDOUSLY ... BUT, FOR YOUR SAKE SWEETHEART, I'LL SAY THIS ... I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT A CANCER PATIENT GOES THROUGH, OR WHAT A PARALYZED OR BLIND PERSON GOES THROUGH CUZ I'VE NEVER WALKED THAT ROAD. SO, I MIGHT HAVE A REALISTIC (but, wrong) OPINION OF DECISIONS THEY MAKE BECAUSE LOOKING IN FROM THE OUTSIDE IS NOT THE SAME AS LIVING IN THE SITUATION. NOW, BEING ON THE OUTSIDE, I MAY HAVE A GOOD PERSPECTIVE TO OFFER THEM, SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO THINK ABOUT, BUT ULTIMATELY THEIR DECISION HAS TO BE RIGHT FOR THEM NO MATTER WHAT I THINK, JUST LIKE YOURS NEEDS TO BE RIGHT FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOUR MOTHER THINKS. LISTEN TO HER ADVICE, BUT BE STRONG IN YOUR KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE A UNIQUE SITUATION THAT SHE CANNOT EVER FULLY UNDERSTAND. EVEN "OVERWEIGHT" PEOPLE CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT "OBESE" PEOPLE GO THROUGH. OUR CHALLENGES & THE WAY OUR BODIES REACT TO "JUST EATING LESS & EXERCISING" SIMPLY ISN'T THE SAME AS THE WAY THEIR BODIES REACT. AS FOR "THE EASY WAY OUT" ... THIS HAS BEEN THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE ... IT'S THE EASIEST WAY TO LOSE POUNDS, BUT THE HARDEST THING TO ACCOMPLISH, IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL. ASK ANYONE STRUGGLING WITH SURGERY-RELATED MEDICAL PROBLEMS, DUMPING OR FOOD CHOICES, OR CARB CRAVINGS, OR SITTING AT A TABLE WATCHING EVERYONE STUFF THEIR FACES WHILE YOU EAT 3 BITES, OR PUTTING UP WITH CRUEL REMARKS FROM OTHERS EVEN AFTER YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT, OR DEALING WITH POUNDS OF EXCESS SKIN & PAINFUL MULTIPLE SURGERIES JUST TO LOOK "HUMAN" AGAIN, OR MAKING CHANGE AFTER CHANGE IN OUR CHOICES FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES, OR TRYING TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL & MENTAL SIDE OF WHAT DROVE US TO NEARLY KILL OURSELVES WITH FOOD. EASY? NOT ON YOUR LIFE! HERE'S THE POINT ... IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE SURGERY, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY DIE EARLY NEEDLESSLY, EITHER FROM STROKE OR HEART ATTACK, OR DIABETES-RELATED ISSUES, OR FROM BLOCKAGES IN YOUR ARTERIES, OR, OR, OR ... THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF WAYS OBESITY KILLS US ... EVEN TO THE POINT OF DEPRESSION & SUICIDE. SO, WEIGH THAT AGAINST THE SURGERY & THERE IS SIMPLY NO CHOICE. READ MY PROFILE ... ESPECIALLY "MY FAT STORY" AT THE BEGINNING ... I WAS LITERALLY DYING DAILY. KEEP CLOSE TO THIS BOARD & AS MUCH SUPPORT FROM OTHERS WHO ARE WALKING THIS JOURNEY. READ & RESEARCH EVERYTHING YOU CAN. LEARN ABOUT NUTRITION (your body will have different nutrition needs than everyone else's), RESEARCH ABOUT THE SURGERY, EMOTIONAL & MENTAL ISSUES, AFTER-SURGERY DECISIONS, PLASTIC SURGERY OPTIONS ... READ PROFILES ... &, IF YOU NEED TO, GET PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING!!!!!!! WHATEVER YOU DO, GO INTO THIS WITH THE MINDSET THAT YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE SO THAT YOU CAN BE HEALTHY & HAPPY. IF YOU GO INTO THIS THINKING, "OH, THE POUCH WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING ... I'LL BE ABLE TO EAT EVERYTHING I WANT & NOT GAIN ... I'LL JUST SKATE BY CUZ THE POUCH HAS MY BACK ... WELL, COME A YEAR OR SO OUT & YOU'LL BE MISERABLE & REGIANING THE WEIGHT. BELIEVE IN THE ABSOLUTE DEPTHS OF YOUR BEING THAT YOUR VERY LIFE DEPENDS ON THE SURGERY &&& YOUR DAILY CHOICES AFTER THE SURGERY & YOU WILL NOT ONLY SUCCEED, BUT BLOSSOM INTO THE PERSON YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE BUT WERE HELD BACK FROM BECOMING BY THE FAT ENCASING YOUR BODY & THE PAIN IN YOUR SPIRIT. WE'RE ALL HERE FOR YOU! STAY STRONG. GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk PS: I'D COPY THIS ENTIRE THREAD - YOUR POST & ALL THE ANSWERS ... PRINT IT OUT & GIVE IT TO EVERYONE WHO TRIES TO STAND IN YOUR WAY ... MAYBE IF THEY READ FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE, THEY WILL AT LEAST SUPPORT YOUR DECISION EVEN IF THEY DON'T BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT. WHEN YOUR HEALTH IMPROVES & YOUR WEIGHT BECOMES NORMAL & YOU GROW AS A PERSON, THEIR NEGATIVE OPINIONS WILL CHANGE!