Looking into surgery and need some advice (looooooong)

Hi all. I'll be 34 March 1. I'm 5'6" and about 240 lbs. I have high bp, an enlarged heart, constant joint pain (knees and hips), probably sleep apnea though no sleep study yet, Polycystic ovary syndrome with uncontrolled insulin resistance and chronic depression. I have had In vitro fertilization twice, got pg both times and miscarried both times. Doctor thinks it's due to weight and/or bp. I was lucky enough to adopt my beautiful daughter (age 2) but I still have a frozen embryo in storage and insurance will cover another cycle of IVF. At my age, I'm running out of time for pregnancy and I'm NOT going to lose weight on my own. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to food. I went to one of Dr. Bour's information sessions but I didn't get to stay for the whole thing (sitter called and I had to leave). I have so many worries and I'm hoping post-surgery people can help me. 1. I'm already mourning food. I went to lunch at my mother-in-law's today and thought the whole meal about not being able to eat all the things I love--especially the strawberry cake! 2. PCOS has already made my hair fall out. I have such thin hair that my scalp is visible and I can't cover it. I have to wear my hair short because any length makes it look wispy. Won't I lose the rest if I have RNY? 3. I am bodily function phobic. I have NEVER passed gas in front of my husband and he's not allowed to do it in front of me either. I get highly embarrassed if I have to use a public restroom for anything other than urination and even if I have to use a relative's restroom or if someone other than my husband is in my house and I have to go. I gather I'm going to have major problems with gas, etc. Please, please, please help me with all this. I'm getting bigger by the day, will soon be diabetic and lose my chance to give birth forever! I want the surgery and my insurance will pay! I know in my mind I should be able to handle this but emotionally, I'm freaking out.

Billie, Goodness girl! Sounds like you are stressed. I am so sorry you are going through this! First, just relax...I too, was addicted to food. I still am. That addiction doesn't go away. The beauty of it is that you learn to live with it. Ultimately you are forced to deal with it. This surgery has forced me to change my eating habits, has forced me to change the way I look at food and labels, etc. Literally, the best thing I have ever done for myself. 1. I mourned food before the surgery as well. And for some time after the surgery. But now, being a year out, when they say that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels, they are correct. I dump really badly, so the desserts and sweets that I used to love, I know how awful they will make me feel and I don't crave them AT all. I get full so easily that I'm satisfied. I used to think, how could that small amount of food leave me feeling satisfied, but it's true. I can eat three pieces of sushi and feel like I've eaten a turkey dinner at Thanksgiving. When you are full, you don't crave food. 2. My hair has always been blonde and somewhat thin and fine. I knew going into this that the time would come I would battle with the "hair" thing. About four months post op it started falling out in what I termed a chemotherapy rate of speed. Not in clump, just thin all over. My hairdresser cut it all off, darkened it to auburn and taught me to wear headbands to pull it all back and so it covered up my thin scalp. I'm now almost 12 months post op and it has stopped falling out like it was and is actually growing. I can't wait to go back to blonde but everyone seems to like the auburn. I might keep it! I used to think that the hair was going to be the worst thing for me. I was very hair conscious. I will admit, I stressed over it a bit, but then I realized that hair grows back, now I'm thin, wear a size 10 and my hair is okay. It's just a few months of your life to be healthy for the rest of it. It's only hair.....Just keep remembering that... 3. I have never had any problems with gas/etc. Sometimes I get really bad gas cramps but as far as anything in public. My stomach growls and now that there's not much belly fat you can hear it. You will be fine. Just keep your eye on the end result. You will do great. I am a nurse. I pondered over this decision for years until I got up to 362lbs at 37 years old and realized I probably wouldn't see 50 at this rate. It was a TOUGH decision to make but in the end, it was the best thing I ever did. Keep up the support and gather all the info possible. That really helps. [email protected] (if you need anything) 362/160 (surgery 2/06)

I also have PCOS and have never given birth. I did get into fertility treatments, but not IVF. Once we adopted my duaghter, I pretty much just gave up on the whole giving birth thing. I had my surgery becasue of other medical conditions that required me to lose weight. I pretty much considered the fact that I may be able to have another child as a bonus. I am 10 months out now and really can't give you much advice on being able to conceive or anything after surgery. We have not tried yet. You should come to one of the Upstate support group meetings we have on Mondays after Dr. Bour's- pre and post op meetings. I think we are meeting At Atlanta Bread Company tonight on Woodruff. Children are always welcome. You can ask all the questions you want there. Kathy

Hey Billie! It's nice to see someone post that lives in my neck of the woods. Everything you are experiencing emotionally is perfectly normal, I know I went through the same feelings, worrying about every little thing that could possibly happen after surgery. I had my surgery Oct. 31, 2006, just 3 months ago, and I can honestly say it is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am very fortunate that I can eat everything that I enjoyed before surgery just in much smaller portions, unfortunetly not everyone can. I don't dump on sugar at all, but I make it a point to avoid it when possible. I don't tolerate sugar alcohols or splenda so I'm limited as to what sugar free items I can have. As far as gas, I had it before surgery and still have it some depending on what I eat, but I don't think it is as bad now as it use to be, ( gas-X is wonderful). I had and still have the fear of losing my hair. I have thin hair now and it started to fall out before surgery so I started taking Biotin a couple of months before surgery, I still take it as an extra suppliment with my regular vitamins. So far it's not falling out any worse than before, but I am only 3 months out of surgery so it can still start coming out worse. My eyebrows are falling out right now so it's taking the heat off my hair on top, I'm freaking about having to paint my eyebrows on, LOL. I look at it this way, the hair will grow back and what good is hair if your dead from medical problems. I too have several co-morbidities that would have qualified me for the surgery if my BMI wasn't high enough. I qualified either way at 5'3'' and 247.8 pounds. I have lost down to 199.0 as of today, woo hoo, I'm finally under 200! The love of food is what got most of us in the shape we are in, and it's something you will always have to deal with, the surgery is just a tool to help us learn how to eat in very small poritons. Dr. Bour has an excellent program and if you follow what he tells you,you should do great. You might find that food becomes less exciting and even sometimes nauseating, even food that you love now may not taste as good after the surgery. Again everyone is different so you might experience things in a different way. I hope you can get past your fears and do what will help you the best. There are risks in any surgery, but look at the risk your taking not doing something to get your health back. If you would like to meet some of us that have had the surgery, we do meet on Mondays at Dr. Bours for the support meeting that they have, then afterwards we get together and have our own support group. We welcome any and all and have a blast. You can ask questions and get answers from those of us that have had the surgery and meet some who are still pre-op. You will find out that your fears are normal. I still ask questions even being 3 months post-op. If you would like to talk, just email me at [email protected] and I can give you my phone number. Since I live in Gray Court we are fairly close to each other and you are more than welcome to go with me to our meetings. If there is anyway I can help please let me know. Take care! Mary

I so appreciate all the kind replies. I would really love to come to one of the support group meetings (or at least the "after party") so I'll keep an eye on where you guys are planning to go afterward and try to make it very soon!