Blues

I don't know what is going on with me. I have been such a "witch" lately. Not really to anybody but my husband. I feel like I have been so insensitive to his needs with the loss of his dad. I have been so self centered. I have managed to keep most of my thoughts to myself but they have been sorta scary that I have been thinking the way that I have. I have been having some of the most selfish feelings. I have been snapping at him for no reason. I got angry with his family because of how upset they were acting at the funeral when we have been expecting his dad to die for the last 6 years. What is up with this!!!???? I shouldn't be feeling this way!!! Losing someone is hard no matter how much time you have to "prepare" for it. My father was killed in a tragic tractor accident. One minute he was with us, the next minute he was gone. I kept thinking, "at least you had a chance to prepare." That is terrible to be thinking this way. Kinda like, my dad's death was worse than yours. Then there was this hootchie that my husband works with that I know flirts with him continuously. She showed up at the funeral home in a short, ****ty skirt. She was standing way too close to my husband. I tried to ignore it but when my niece pointed it out, I couldn't help but notice. Well, instead of waiting until the right time to bring up the subject with my husband, I brought it up that night. It started a big fight where he accused me of being insensitive and not supporting him. This hurt me because I truly wanted to be the supportive wife like he was to me during my dad's death. But, I let me jealousy cloud my judgement!!! I made an appointment with Dr. Russell to figure out what was going on. Maybe he can help me! I hope so! Thanks for listening and sorry it is so long. Rachel

First off (HUGS) Sorry i missed ur call today, i called u back but no answer IM so sorry ur having these problems right now.. I can relate very well though. (Not with the death of ur father but on the jealousy issues) .. I seem to think that WLS can make you MORE insecure in your own body than before wls.. This seems to be very true with myself at least. Before surgery my self image was "ok" i didnt have alot of issues of looking in the mirror.. where as now its totally opposite. . I look in the mirror all the time and find problems with myself everytime i look. i dont feel attractive and i get jealous over other girls very easily as well. and it turns into a fight and all that... But if some ****ty girl ina short skirt was standing too close to my husband, it would of been on right there ! no joking though, i feel ur pain.. and it is pain, it hurts you and john.. I hope ur talking to dr. russell helps, give me some insight on the matter as well! love ya girl jen

Thanks for understanding. I will try to call you back this weekend. This weekend might be sorta tough with John being so sensitive and me being so *****y so I might need to escape and meet you for a drink...of water! I'll call you. Rachel

you must be losing like crazy, because when you do, estrogen is released....remember? It is perfectly normal and that is when I went on the wellbutrin after surgery, the first month, and it helped me when I have blue times. I can go on and off as needed. Just ask your pcp for some wellbutrin xl. It helps! Feel better, and just tell your hubby what is going on. Fat cells hold estrogen, we were warned ahead of time, and now you must be releasing a lot. Deb

I'll check on the wellbutrin. I was on it before surgery for a little while. I'm on Luvox now for OCD so I don't know if I can take them together. I'll check with the doctor. Thanks again for the suggestions. Rachel

I am sorry to hear about you feeling so bad. Our bodies are going through trama is seems like constantly! If you want to meet and talk sometime over the weekend, maybe some of us can get together and try to ha**** it. I know when I see you guys I feel so much better! I think the hootchi has to go!!!!! Patti

Thanks for the offer. I don't wanna stress you guys out with me problems. Good new though...The hootchie is getting a new job soon so she won't be able to flirt with my hubby. Thank Goodness!! Rachel

Rachel, what you are going through is absolutely normal. The timing sucks though. I was like that REALLY REALLY bad when I was losing alot. Plain EVIL. I had to double my Prozac dose remember? Dr. Russell should be able to help you. Just let John in on what is happening. This is something you really don't have much control over. And as far as the Hoochie, she overstepped some MAJOR boundries. Remember: keep your friends close and your enemies CLOSER. Chances are, her showing up like that when hubby was at his most vulnerable was no accident. So I can't say I blame you for feeling the way you do, but try to remember its not his fault the vulture was circling. But if you need me to come over and "help" this girl back off, just let me know. I have NO problem putting skanks in their place! Kathy

Kathy, You always make me feel better. I'll call you if I need help with the skank. She is taking another job and will be leaving soon. Thank Goodness!! Maybe then all the insecurities will stop...I hope. Thanks again. Rachel

WELL SWEETHEART, WE'RE SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE HAVING SUCH AN AWFUL TIME OF IT. YES MA'AM, THE OTHER LADIES WERE RIGHT WHEN THEY SAID THAT IF YOU ARE LOSING A LOT OF WEIGHT, YOUR HORMONES WILL TURN YOU INTO A RAVING WITCH. IT HAPPENED TO ME; I EVEN WROTE ABOUT IT IN MY PROFILE CUZ IT WAS SO EXTREME. I WAS HORRID. THE GOOD THING IS THAT IT SEEMS TO LAST A RELATIVELY SHORT TIME ... WEEKS TO MAYBE A MONTH & A HALF AT MOST. I GOTTA TALK TO MS DEB CUZ SHE MENTIONED WELBUTRIN XL ... IF I REMEMBER RIGHT, THE XL VERSION IS TIME-RELEASED & GASTRIC BYPASS PATIENTS SHOULDN'T TAKE TIME-RELEASED MEDS AS OUR NEW DIGESTION PROCESS & MALABSORPTION ISSUES DON'T ALLOW FOR PROPER ABSORBTION OF TIME-RELEASED MEDICATION. BUT, BE SURE TO ASK IF THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN TAKE JUST TO GET YOU OVER THIS EMOTIONAL HUMP. ALSO, I WOULD IMAGINE, WHETHER YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT, THAT YOUR FATHER-IN-LAWS' DEATH TRIGGERED ALL SORTS OF SAD EMOTIONS OVER YOUR OWN FATHER'S DEATH, SO BEING UNSUPPORTIVE & JUDGMENTAL TOWARDS JOHN & HIS FAMILY FOR THEIR OBVIOUS OUTPOURING OF GRIEF COULD BE YOUR WAY OF PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM HAVING TO RELIVE YOUR OWN SADDNESS & GRIEF. IT WON'T WORK, OF COURSE, BUT WE EACH REACT DEEPLY TO EMOTIONS OF LOSS. BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR BOTH OF YOU IS APOLOGIZE WITH TENDERNESS TO YOUR HUBBY, HUG HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART & ASK HIM IF HE WOULD GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE TO SUPPORT HIM & BE THERE FOR HIM. YOU CAN STILL BE THE WIFE YOU WANT TO BE FOR HIM ... APOLOGIES GO A REAL LONG WAY IN MAKING THINGS RIGHT! AS FOR THE HUSSIE WHO WA****TIN' ON YOUR HUSBAND - OH MY GOSH, HOW TACKY CAN SHE BE TO DO SO AT THE FUNERAL OF HIS FATHER ... WHAT TRASH! YOU ATTACKED THE WRONG PERSON. NEXT TIME SOMETHING LIKE THAT OCCURS, SIMPLE WALK IN BETWEEN YOUR HUSBAND & THE WOMAN EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO (GENTLY) PUSH HER OUT OF THE WAY, PLACE YOUR ARM IN HIS, LOOK HER STRAIGHT IN THE EYE & IN A DIGNIFIED, RESPECTFUL YET FIRM MANNER, SAY, "I'M SURE YOU DON'T MEAN TO ACT INAPPROPRIATELY TOWARDS MY HUSBAND, BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU KEPT A RESPECTFUL DISTANCE FROM HIM. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE DIGNITY OF THIS GATHERING, YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS HIM MAKE YOU APPEAR TO BE CHEAP, WHICH I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT." YES, THAT CAN BE TAKEN IN A COUPLE OF WAYS!!! YOU CALL A ***** A ***** WITHOUT LOSING YOUR DIGNITY OR MAKING YOURSELF LOOK LIKE AN IMMATURE FOOL. THEN SIMPLY TURN TO YOUR HUSBAND & SWEETLY REMIND HIM THAT THE TWO OF YOU NEED TO MINGLE BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE WHO CAME OUT OF RESPECT FOR HIM. IF IT'S A SOCIAL SITUATION, JUST TWEAK THAT SENTENCE TO SAY THAT THE TWO OF YOU NEED TO MINGLE WITH ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO CAME TO ENJOY THE EVENING WITH YOU. THE POINT IS TO KEEP YOUR COOL, LET THE HUSSIE KNOW THERE IS NO WAY SHE'S GONG TO MOVE IN ON YOUR MAN ... & CONTINUE TO PRESENT YOURSELF IN A DIGNIFIED MANNER. HONEY CATCHES MORE FLIES THAN VINEGAR, THEY SAY. YOU JUST DRIP IN "HONEY" & YOU'LL COME OUT LOOKING LIKE THE LADY OF THE DAY! GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk