Need advise.. and time to yell at me..

ok so im gonna be brutally honest.. i am almost 4 mths out.. and ive only just now gone through (almost) a 2 mths supply of vitamins.. so im obviously vit deficient.. well on top of that im not getting my water.. so im sure im dehydrated.. and then to make matters worse, im not eating what i need for protein intake nor am i supplementing.. so im protein deficient.. and im not eating 5 meals a day im good to eat 1-2.. which is bad. .bc theyre not even "meals" .. i have NO appetite for anything. it makes me wanna vomit (which goes back to the bulemia ive realized i had before surgery) and i cant vomit, and hate when my body tries to vomit.. bc i know it can be stretching my pouch.. and now i just dont WANT anything to eat. i feel anorexic. and to top everything off, i have had a couple of pains in my chest this week and my fingers are going numb now. I think i have totally messed my body up.. i know i need to call the dr, but i will wait until monday to be fussed at profusivly(sp). i have had the dizzy spells, i thought i was gonna pass out today, it was to the point that i was so glad i was at my parents house because i got them to get me two vitamins out and i also took one of my dads sublingual b-12 pills, and i felt better 30 min later.. but now my hands are doing the numb thing and wont go away and i really dont feel "right" . i feel depressed and like a failure on top of all of this. like i am killing myself almost. when thats the last thing i want. my dad asked me today if i would have this surg again (his is nov 20) i said 100 times over. he said "well u dont seem HAPPY about it now" i was like, i am happy but i am worried about myself, i havent been taking care of my body and i realize it and its gone too far. which it has. i needed to vent/whine/ get this off my chest.. and tell everyone I HAVE A PROBLEM!!!! Just when i thought i had beat one eating disorder, now i have another.. pray for me please jen

Oh, Jen I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you are worried and I don't have any advise because I don't really know what I am doing. I know I am not getting my protein or vitamins in like I should. I know it is hard to take care of our family much less ourselves. I am here for you and thinking and praying for you. Hang in there. Take care of yourself, you are worth it!! I love ya girl... Pam

Thank u so much pam ! Jen

Wow Jen! I didn't know all this was going on. You have been such a rock for me these last 2 weeks that I didn't bother to ask how you were doing. I'm Sorry. I haven't been in your situation but I think the not wanting to eat is pretty normal for your stage in the game. A lot of people say they have to remind themselves to eat. I also know how hard it is to get in your meals. I have had a hard time getting in 6 meals of liquids. There just aren't enough hours in the day. I think you are being too hard on yourself (I heard this from somebody this week). You just need to do your best to get back on track. Go and talk with Dr. Russell. He can help. If you need to talk, just call me. I'll quit picking your brain and listen to you this time. God bless you Jen. You are in my prayers. Rachel

Thanks Rachel!!! And you have asked how i was, i just didnt tell ya LOL.. you have been a great friend to get to know even better these past couple of weeks.. and talking to you is helpful to me as well!!! SO THANK YOU. Jen

Okay, My doc said this about not eating....you are on a diet anyway, you are trying to lose weight, just try to get your protein in by fluids if you can. About the vitamins, I can't take what mine say to take (the bottle says take 2 pkgs per day) Vista Vitamins, so I take only 1 pkg per day or even 1/2 pkg per day...and based on my blood work, I have ALWAYS been good. Just go by your blood work, and make sure you take high quality vitamins, don't risk your health to Fred or Barney. About fluids, well, I wasn't and still don't get all my fluids everyday...very hard to, and I got kidney stones around 5-6 months post op, last February, and it was terrible!!!!!! Don't get kidney stones, I would rather have had triplets 3 times than go through that pain again!!!!! Drink all you can. I did cut back on my vitamins because I believe the calcium was leading to the stones, had 3 bouts of kidney stones!! Once I cut back on my vitamins, no more stones! Go by your bloodwork, but do drink!! Don't worry about eating, some months you just can't...its okay. But, try to at least get 40-60 gms of protein by using the protica or protein shakes. Take care!!! Deb

Thanks so much Deb!! Im glad im not the only one.. I think I need to live off of protein shakes for a while to get my protein back up! And the kidney stone thing, i think i have already started those, i hurt in my back where my kidneys are sometimes, feels kinda like gallbladder attack but it hasnt been HORRIBLE yet.. im praying that it will go away and not come back! Thanks so much again, Jen

THANK YOU JENNIFER!! I wish I could offer you some advice, but after reading your post, you have made me admit I have a problem too. Your post ha**** me so hard right now I'm writing this with tears streaming down my face because I am having the same problems as you, though I'm out a year and a half. The chest pains...do they feel like someone is squeezing the heck out of you, practically screaming with each breath because it hurts so bad? Back in April I went to the ER (13 months post-op), had EKGs run, they said it wasn't my heart but scar tissue...so they opened me back up. Even after that I've had the same problem. I passed out at school a couple weeks ago, went to the ER and had bloodwork and an EKG...everything was fine then. Two days later passed out at Whole Foods Market. My arms are numb from my shoulder blades to my finger tips..been that way for a few months now.. and denying I had a problem. I too take my vitamins and B-12 to have enough energy to get through my externship and work. I don't eat...and can't eat anything before noon because if I do, I vomit. In the mornings I can get down about a cup of coffee..that's it. It's been like that ever since I had surgery, so I'm not really concerned about that..anyways it makes me go to the bathroom good. I don't eat like I'm supposed to..the 5-6 meals a day. I don't have time to eat. Yeah, I was on a carb kick a few weeks ago but I'm over that now...it was just something I craved I guess. Last week, I got on a peanut M&M craving...figuring out if I eat a couple every little bit I don't dump. So this past week, my sister had went to Las Vegas and went to the M&M factory, bringing me back a pound of M&Ms..but now I'm over that...don't want them. I never gained any weight while on the carbs, afterward I lost 3 pounds. I dump on everything I eat..so I don't eat. At lunch (driving from externship to work) I force myself to eat a bite of tuna or chicken with mustard, a "cracker cut" piece of cheese, and drink lemon-water (to this day I cannot tolerate plain water..even bottled..so I squirt a dab of lemon juice in it). I get off work at 7pm..going home and going straight to bed..so what I have at lunch is what I have all day. I stay dizzy. I'm to the point I can barely think for myself...and most times I don't want to. I just "go with the flow." Since starting externship I've lost 4 more pounds (in a week)...totaling 7. I fear gaining weight...I weigh every day and if I've gained even an ounce..I'm thinking I've ruined my pouch. Right now after being fat all my life..having a problem losing weight, I have in my mind that I want to see just how much I can lose. Like right now I'm at 120...I'm thinking let's see if I can get to 110..and I have set 110 as another goal to accomplish. Is this a mental issue..do I need to go see a therapist or something? I have tried talking to my doctor, but all he tells me is you need to gain weight. I tried talking to a doctor where I work...same thing. The doctor that did my surgery has moved to San Francisco, and from the looks from his website, he's not taking care of the Nashville patients like he promised. The only person that responds mostly is his patient advocate, and she's no doctor or nurse...being a patient herself. Being on Medicaid/First Choice, I don't know if there's a bariatric doctor that accepts that, or anything. I also have Medicare (as far as I know), going on that after having two nervous break-downs after Mom died. As for exercise..I walk all the time..and want to. This weekend I went to the Fall for Greenville Friday nite and all day Saturday..walking to the point I almost passed out up there. I'll probably go back today too. Yeah, I've had people ask if I'm happy and would do this surgery over..and yes I'm happy and yes I'd do it over in a heartbeat...but I'm depressed. I mean..can you be happy and depressed at the same time? I can't talk to my sister..she yells at me..telling me to "suck it up and get over it." My dad and other sister have their own problems plus being on the other side of the country, so I don't talk to them except saying everything's fine. Sometimes I miss coming to the meetings..I wish we could schedule something on a Saturday and meet..have a sob session.. as I can't make the weekday ones. But anyways, all I can really say is don't let yourself get to the point that I'm at right now. Get help. I'm thinking about you.. Susanne

Susanne, thanks for being honest back! You have helped me not feel so "weird" and all!!! WE can get through this.. its just a bump in the road. We have to take care of ourselves!! Thanks so much! and im thinking and praying for you!!! Hope you feel better already Jen

I don't think its weird. I hate that you're having issues with it but glad that you posted about it. I have felt like the weird one, making everybody think I was doing great (even at the meetings when I went), when I really wasn't. But anyways, maybe one of these days I can slide in on a meeting and see everybody. I need it. :hugs: Susanne