Desperate and asking for help

Be forewarned, this may end up being a fairly long post but I have been lurking for a while and now it's time to stop putting things off and seek the help I need because obviously, I cannot do this on my own anymore. Also, there is some personal information included in the post but I feel it is important in understanding my situation.

I'm a 48 year old female living in the river valley. I had gastric bypass surgery in my early 30's and it was a resounding success. I went from around 350lbs down to around 180. Fast forward around 4 years and I did a few things I am not proud of, and as a result, my husband and I had some major issues. It looked like our marriage was ending and that, compounded with my untreated clinical depression, led me to attempt suicide. After my stint in the hospital, I came home and spiraled down into more and more of a depression. Thanks to some wonderful friends I was able to get medical care and start medical and therapy treatment for my depression. Over time my husband and I worked things out as well, but by this time the damage was done and I had begun to gain back all the weight I had lost.

I think at this point I was in denial that I was gaining it back. Things sorta went past in a blur and the next thing I know I'm back up over 300 lbs again.

I tried to lose weight on my own at this point but nothing I seem to do works. I find it difficult to exercise because of the intense pain. My back, knees, and hips all hurt me to the point of tears if I try to stand more than around 10 to 15 minutes at a time. I have developed tye 2 diabetes and I have high blood pressure. When I try to follow a traditional "diet plan" I find myself hungry 24/7.

At this point, I looked into a revision for my original surgery in hopes of curbing my appetite enough to get back on track with weight loss and to loose enough where I could exercise and help it along. It was determined that my pouch had dilated to around 4 times the size it should be, and my stoma was 3 times the size it should be. Luckily I do have really good insurance, I have Humana addon for Medicare. However, after going through all of the requirements for surgery with Roller Weight Loss, I was taken into surgery, only to wake up and be told that nothing could be done. They said that my original limb was too short and it was taken around back behind my stomach rather than in front of it, so there is literally no way to revise it. I was offered the ROSE procedure, however, I was told that it runs around $7K, and insurance does not cover it. Besides, the research I have done on the ROSE does not look that promising in the first place.

Feeling desperate, I asked my PCP about putting me on weight loss medication, and she refused due to the fact that 1) I have high blood pressure and she said that those medications make it even worse and 2) she said that once a person goes off weight loss medication, they tend to gain it all back.

Right now I feel like because of screwing up my original surgery all is lost and I'm doomed to just die as I am. My doctor points out to me that I can do this. She uses the fact that I was able to give up smoking 20+ years ago cold turkey as proof that I have the will power. This is not like that, though. I have tried and tried again and I just can't seem to do it on my own.

I guess I hope that one of you may have some suggestions that I have not thought of yet.

So even a vertical sleeve is out? Lapband?

I get it. Totally. I had the archaic stapling 35 years ago and promptly lost all the weight but I was young and over the ensuing years and 4 children and some years later, I had developed maladaptive eating and had gained back the weight. I took prescription diet pills every time I piled weight on, and your doctor is absolutely right--they are useless as a long term solution. Whenever I stopped, I gained the weight back at alarming speed and ended up heavier than from before. Initially, diet pills like phentermine and the others completely destroy your appetite and for me there was the added bonus of high energy, creativity and euphoria. That lasts a week if you're lucky. These drugs are also habit forming and tolerance is developed quickly. People with addictive tendencies (me), will begin to abuse them when tolerance sets in. My experience might be extreme but my diet pills took me on a long and painful journey of addiction to much stronger amphetamine. I never lost weight on these drugs because I would eat nothing for the initial days and when I went off, my metabolism was inhibited and my appetite was enormous.

I am having revision tomorrow, and I fear that they will wake me and tell me they can't do it for some reason. I can't imagine how devastating that must have been.

I think you should get a second opinion from a surgeon who specializes in revision surgery. I waited for years to have my revision because I couldn't accept the fact that I couldn't do it myself. It was wasted time because whatever is necessary to do this, I just didn't have.

I think the worse thing a person could hear is that nothing can be done. Perhaps it was beyond your surgeon's skillset, or creative abilities. Perhaps not.

Thank you for sharing and don't give up!

Thank you so much for your response. I went to what is considered the "best" weight loss surgery center in all of Western Arkansas, so I truly do not know about those options. Maybe I should go in and send a message through their contact website and ask him about those. I just know when I asked, he simply said that basically, I was out of luck.

I broke out into tears when they told me after waking up from surgery, I quite literally was sobbing like a baby. I don't think I've fully recovered from that shock yet.

I would strongly suggest getting a second opinion. See if you can get copies of your surgical reports and imaging, and look into hospitals outside of your home state, such as Mayo Clinic.

Oh that's a fantastic idea. I guess that for some reason I had it in my mind that if I contacted anyone else I would have start all over from the beginning again, and I'm already out about $2K in tests just to get approved for the surgery that failed.

I understand much of what you've been through. I have depression too. In 2012 I had mini-incision roux-en-Y and I loved it. I went from 257 to 130 and I felt like I was walking on air. I went off Zoloft after being on it from 1995-2018. I?m back up to 206 now and I will not live like this. I don?t care what it takes, I?m going to get revision surgery and this weight is coming off again. I?ve been going to the gym about twice a week for the past month. It kills me to do it but I will not go back to being fat. I would rather be dead.

I agree with the others. Get a second opinion. I would have a hard time accepting that nothing more could be done. I would take that as a personal challenge and make it my mission to find a surgeon who could help.

I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to find someone who can help you.

:) Well, I just contacted Texas Bariatric Weight Loss Surgery and gave them the lengthy description of what my doctor told me after my surgery. They are 10 hours away from me, but I went on to explain that if they could please review my file and let me know if there is something that can be done, I would be happy to travel to them.

Now I am just waiting impatiently ;) lol

I would contact Dr Ara Keshishian, he is top 3 revision surgeons in the world.

where is this dr located?