I need Ya'll to comment?? :) Questions inside...(Revision)

I read all the responses. NO ONE shamed the OP. She was rude from the jump in the face of sensible advice.

None of the responses were rude. Being told something we don't want to hear isn't rude. "Hey you dummy, it's your fault you haven't lost weight!" That is rude. "You might be eating too much and it's not your surgery," is not rude, however.

I was considering a revision myself, and I was told to examine my habits. As it turns out I was stealth eating things I shouldn't, which wouldn't have helped no matter what surgery I had, DS included.

Even if a DS would help (and it does help many), it's still good to examine habits regardless.

I am one of the people who called out her BS and I had a revision. So, nope...

"Kindness" is not the same as "getting the answer you want". If you want to hear that the idea you already have is right, go talk to your mother. If you are honestly asking people for advice, then you have t suck it up if you don't hear the answer you want.

It isn't about NICE, it is about honesty.

"Calling someone on their BS..." doesn't sound like you are coming from a place of genuine help. Honesty is always best, but it is not a free pass for being hurtful. My thoughts were in response to people giving advice centered around topics she didn't ask for. I was only concerned because someone got hurt and I think there was a way around that. I just feel badly about this whole thing to be honest. We are all fighting the same battle and should be on the same team...

THE "BS" did not refer to the questions raised in the original post, it referred to the repeated calls for civility when people were actually being very helpful! I read and reread the replies and I just do not see a mean streak anywhere, especially not to warrant such a vicious response. I agree, this is a place for kindness--giving advice about what to eat is kind, and name calling is not. Period.

Let me introduce you to my friend the paragraph.

It will help make your post much easier.

"I just wanted to say that I used to be on this site 10 years ago and it felt like a completely different place. I've been considering a revision, but honestly got nervous to post because it felt like a place that used to be about inclusion and kindness, but had now turned into one more place where people judged overweight people.

As an outsider of this post, I was a bit surprised by the responses at first, and can see how the original author might have felt judged and was hurt by it. It almost feels like there is now a divide on this site between people whose weight loss surgeries have worked and those whose have not. Those whose surgeries have worked, seem to now be those people in the world who used to look at fat people and make assumptions, like they are just lazy, they don't care enough, they should just diet.

Bottom line, that being fat was their fault. Now add to that the knowledge that someone has already had WLS and you have a whole new bag of ammunition. I just want to say that before you judge someone for a failed surgery, you may not want to just assume it was the person's fault because then you become those people, that I think most of us come here to get away from. This forum is for revision surgery help, not diet shaming.

These are just my two sense because I know a lot of people have commented on forums that people aren't responding as much, and I know I've been scared to respond because of the new negativity I've found here. I would just love for this site to go back to a place where people were just kind above all else. It saddens me that so many posts now have to literally say, "please don't be mean in your comments, I'm sad enough..." When this place has become a site where people have to ask for kindness, something is wrong.

PS. There are still a lot of amazing people here who are super supportive, and this doesn't apply to you at all."

My 2 cents. I am a revision. I failed my first WLS. It WAS my fault, not the surgeries, not the surgeons and certainly not the people who tried to help me. I put the food in my mouth and I ate it.

Until I accepted that reality I was destined to repeat the same outcome with any further surgery I had. Of course there are some exceptions but for the most part a person *****gains their weight after WLS did so because they out ate it. That isn't to say that some people simply did not get an effective surgery for their particular issues but when it comes down to it any WLS can and will be failed if you continue to eat the way you did after the first WLS. I can sugar coat it but it won't change the facts.

It seems that some people aren't asking about revisions as much as they want to know what the super magic WLS there is that will allow me to eat what I want and still not be fat. Let me save you time. It isn't out there. Oh, some have made the claim but just as many have proved that claim wrong.

No one is doing anyone a service by holding their hand and telling them to go ahead and have your body diced and sliced some more and see if this time they can finally manage to do what could have been done the first time.

No, I am not unsympathetic. I am after all a WLS failure. But all the sympathy in the world did not cause me to not fail my first surgery. Only honesty and self assessment, thorough understanding of my mistakes and a plan to make the changes necessary so that a third or fourth WLS is sought helped. And There are people who still haven't found that magic surgery after 3 or 4 tries.

You only need to read about about the dismal results of revisions to know the sad fact. I wouldn't be surprised if the failure rate of revisions is even higher than the first time surgeries.

Even the best WLS in the world won't work if you don't use it. If someone comes in my house to rob me and kills me it doesn't help that I had a gun in my drawer if I didn't reach in to use it.

Thank you for your grammar help! I posted on an iPhone, and I guess the formatting did not cross over. I'm an English Teacher, so I appreciate this immensely. You actually put the paragraphs EXACTLY where I did on my phone, so kudos! I'm going to assume your help was done in the spirit of kindness.

I'm sorry to hear that your journey has been a difficult one, but congratulations on your many successes. I completely agree that many surgeries fail due to a person's dietary habits. I just don't assume that upon first glance at someone asking for help. Sometimes I think people jump to conclusions and project their own experiences onto others, instead of listening to the help someone is asking for. That was my only thought throughout this post. That people got off track assuming things. If ANY of us were good at dieting to start with, we wouldn't be here. I think most people know there is no magic solution, and that no surgery works without a total commitment to major lifestyle changes. I guess my viewpoints are just different on how to approach these things.

For me, I had WLS surgery almost a decade ago, and felt like a huge success by losing 178 lbs. Then a lot of awful life events happened and I gained back about 80lbs. Does that make me a failure...I choose to not think so. I've kept off a hundred pounds, I might, otherwise, not have been able to. Also, labeling myself a failure, puts me in the exact frame of mind that once made me depressed, and, subsequently, eat too much.

Did I need to go back to the basics and relearn all the dietary changes I needed to make, BEFORE considering a revision? Yes, absolutely! Did I, personally, need anyone to remind me of this? No. I worked the surgery once, I went through therapy to figure out how I undermined myself, took a good and honest look at myself to see if I had made the life changes necessarily to succeed a second time, and, finally, started dieting to prove to myself that without a second surgery I was strong enough to lose weight. After all this, about 4 years of research, and finding out my sleeve was made larger than most, I've decided that I do want a revision.

I'm definitely worried about failing again, but I choose to believe that I CAN continue to change and become a better version of myself. What are my alternatives? Just to label myself a failure and give up? I, so wish I could just diet and get enough weight off to not have joint pain, but for me, diet alone hasn't been enough, and the ONLY time I could exercise without debilitating pain, was after my first surgery. So, all I can do, is hope that I have the fortitude to be successful this time around.

The reason I'm telling you my story, is that I wanted to have a revision surgery 3 years ago, but so many people shamed me for "failing" at first my surgery and told me that nothing could help, that it sent me into a pretty deep depression that took me a long time to get through. Luckily, I got myself through this and am in such a better place now! I've found forums where people are more supportive and teach you how to have a different mental attitude, so you can gain the confidence necessary to be successful at a second surgery.

A person's mindset can definitely make or break their dieting attempts. I remember a year ago I was on a forum and a person said to me, "I'm so sorry your surgery failed you." It took me by surprise! I had been told so often that I was a failure, that hearing this shook me. In the end, do I think I failed the surgery or the surgery failed me? I honestly don't know...maybe both, but I do know that the more I thought of myself as a "failure," the further I got from my ultimate goals. So, I just took the word "failure" out of my story, and decided to just focus on how I could be successful. This has worked for me.

Now my story isn't everyone's by any means, but it taught me that when people are looking for help, it is so important to be aware of how we help them, and not just assume the worst because we've coined ourselves WLS experts by having surgery. I would never want to push anyone into not believing in themselves or that they can't make positive changes to be healthier. Also, I know plenty of stories where the WLS really did fail the person, and not the other way around, so I don't assume anything anymore or give people dieting advice when they aren't asking for it. Does this mean I don't care about them enough to give them advise that might save them from an unnecessary surgery? No, it means that I respect that they are knowledgable enough to know the type of advise they need, and I answer if/when I can answer the questions they are posing. Having a dozen people tell you that you obviously suck at dieting correctly, doesn't inspire anyone to change. If it did, we wouldn't all have been fat in the first place.

megange- Your story sounds 1000% different than the OP's did....and makes a lot more sense :)

Did you use a different screen name, when you were on OH before? I have been here over 15 years. So many, many people have come and gone. Very few of us have stayed, but some have, to continue to try and pay it forward, etc

I bet you will return to your desired weight, revision surgery, or not. You just strike me as not sort of person!

Thank you so much for saying so! I sure hope so! Wow your pictures are amazing! You look great :) I don't think I changed my screen name, but I'm not sure. I love coming back here to try to help because so many people helped me. Thanks for being one of them!

I apologize for the grammar shaming. I know posting from phones can be a challenge.

It's just a pet peeve of mine when I see a post that looks like it could be informative but is unreadable due to lack of paragraphs.

I hope you didn't take my admission of failure as a personal attack on myself or anyone else. For me admitting that I was a failure was the first step in taking responsibility for my actions. Not everyone *****gains does so because they failed. The surgery they had may not be the most effective for them or there may be mechanical failures. But in the end I am the one who put the food in my mouth and made the bad choices.

By accepting personal responsibility I took back control. As long as I looked to blame outside issues for my problems I was powerless to change things. I can only change myself and I couldn't do that if I didn't admit that I made mistakes.

Of course people can and do turn it around as a way to feel even worse about themselves and therefore continue with the poor choices. That was never my intention. I know that having eating issues is not a character flaw and being overweight does not affect my value as a person. I have bad habits but I am not a bad person. Forgiving myself for being human and responding around food as I always had since childhood was detrimental in my moving forward to make changes.

That is why I feel it is so important to do the work before undergoing more surgery. Anyone who thinks a revision will cure their eating issues will only be disappointed. I know it sounds stupid but in spite of hearing for years and years that is was only a tool, it was still a shock when I realized that it was true.

That moment of clarity came after I started regaining with the first surgery. As hard as I tried I could not lose the weight. That is when I realized that in order to lose weight after WLS I had to do the same things I did before surgery, eat less and eat better. The only difference was now I had a boost in sticking with that way of eating.

Ultimately the side effects I experienced put me in a position to seek a revision. I honestly was not looking to have a revision. I wanted a reversal but since my surgeon told me that wasn't possible then I figured since I was having a revision anyway I might as well learn from my mistakes and actually follow directions instead of trying to do things my way.

Keeping 100 lbs off for all that time is a success to me. When I had my revision after 8 years I was only 20 lbs less than when I started. And you know what? That was an improvement because without WLS I would have been god knows how much heavier after 8 years. So even though I didn't make the best out of my first WLS it did help some.