Hubby not supportive

OMG- I'm printing it out right now! THANK YOU!

I am so sorry you are going through this.  My husband is very supportive but scared for me.  Other people in my family have told me that I CANNOT get it done and they will not allow it.... SOOO most of my family think I am just having my  Lap Band removed.   I know you want to "honor" your husband or respect his wishes but if he has never been overweight he cannot know what it is like.  This is your health and well being.   I wonder if he is just scared for you and is trying not to show it by telling you to do it on your own?
You are in my prayers.

Wow- your family is really adamant, aren't they? How are YOU dealing with it? Added stress does not help!

 My parents and kids and in-laws are OK- it's just my husband. Funny thing is, he is now obese too. It occurred to me that maybe he doesn't WANT me to be thinner! What if that's it? He can't have WLS because he smokes and he is not willing to quit. No surgeon will even talk to him here until he has quit for a YEAR and my surgeon even tests with some inner cheek swab for nicotine use! It's just too dangerous. Anyway, maybe he just like me this way- it must feel safe to him, like I'd never go anywhere in this state. Before I just thought I looked bad, but now I am much more concerned for my health and well- being. I'm still plugging along- I started this quest for revision in May and I'm just getting started! Thanks for your prayers and good luck to you. When is your surgery? 

My family can get bent!!  LOL.... I'm 41 yrs old and have decided to do it.  This Lap band is killing me.  I decided to not really tell anyone about the sleeve... they all think I am just having the band removed.  I'm not saying anything to them because I really cant handle that extra stess.
When I had my first surgery my husband told me he would only pay if I had Lap BAnd.... Now that he sees what harm it has done to me he is all for the revision to sleeve.   Maybe if your husband sees that this surgery makes you feel better physically not just menatally maybe he will come around.  I can't imagine the stress this must causing you.
 I just got the news Monday that my insurance approved me for surgery so I am hoping to get a date tomorrow.    I started my process back in February.  When the lady from Insurance told me they approved both the removal and revision I cried like a baby on the phone with her.  
I wish you much luck in whatever you choose to do.  Keep your chin up!!

Lori,

I printed it out as well, and left it on my husbands pillow, for some night-tim reading & he just set it aside.  So, I tucked it away, and he has not asked about it.


Oh well, it is my body & he is just going to have to come to terms with ME WANTING TO BE HAPPY & HEALTHY.  And "Just get over it"



-Jamie in Alaska

you know, having a loved one that's not being supportive makes it so much harder on you. i'm not married but i am engaged. i started dating my fiance at 250lbs and have gained up to 341 over the last 2 years. he still loves me for who i am and how i look. when i started looking into the sleeve, and actually started the process (my surgery is in 3 weeks) my fiance started to act strange. he says i need to learn how to eat better and try harder at dieting and exercise more. i told him to strap 150 extra to him and carry it around all day every day and see how motivated he was to exercise. he said hes had to carry that much before on jobs etc that its not as bad as i make it out to be. he gets mad at me for spending so much time on this website and has already asked if im gonna leave him for a better looking guy when i lose my weight. thing is, i cant really give him a yes or no answer, because if he's not being supportive through this all, and can't handle me at my worst, then why does he deserve me at my best?! he don't. i love him dearly, but when it comes to health, we are on our own. our health should be our first priority cuz we have to care about ourselves before we can care about others. without good health, you may not live long enough to enjoy things. for him to act that way to you, he's being selfish. he's afraid to lose you if you lose weight. he might have some fears of the surgery, but i believe it's an insecure thing. do whats best for you. don't ASK him for permission. we should all respect our significant others' feeling and thoughts and wishes, but its not his body or health, its YOURS. do what you know is right, and know that your OH family will always support you! good luck

Wow- we're in the same boat almost, aren't we. Thanks for sharing your story. It makes me feel not so alone! Thanks for the post and GOOD LUCK on your surgery!!! You are so beautiful, by the way. Can't wait to see you AFTER!  
Lori

aww thanks so much, thats sweet. i cant wait for my after pictures either :-P yes we are in the same boat. you're not alone. i'm here to talk any time you ned me

well I guess my question is ...is it the surgery or is it the $4000 program fee that bothers your hubby?  because program fees in general bother me, surgeons that accept to be a provider of an insurance plan shouldn't pass the low reimbursement amount onto the patient they should negotiate better rates.  just my opinion.  if that is the case find another surgeon who accpets what insurance reimbursement is.  if your hubby is worried for your safety for surgery in general, educate him about surgery, explain that staying MO is worse and that you have tried all other non-surgical options.  unless you are MO you don't understand why you can't just eat less, exercise more, geesh don't you think i would have done that instead of thinking about having surgery-that i understand very well and as a MO patient i think we all do.  if in the end he doesn't support you or understand, this will have to be your decision as it is your body and health......tough when you are looking for support

I think the $4000 is a part of it. He starts a new job on Monday that pays $13,000 LESS than what he makes now. He took it for the the good work hours, the advancement, the benefits, and the tuition reimbursement for our kids for college (he will be working at a major university). It's just not a good time to come up with $4000! I already started looking for another surgeon who does not charge the fee. Thanks for the suggestion- great minds think alike! I still am mad that he didn't say "This is your healht. We will do whatever we can to scrape up $4000." That would have been ideal! Well, I guess no one said this was EASY right?? Thanks for responding!