Horrible message received by a member

Tonya, I'm sorry for what you have gone through. No matter our opinions or beliefs we must honor what this entire OH board is all about - supporting one another. If the message that you received from this person was truly offensive, you have recourse - you can send it to the OH executive committee and have the person removed from any further Board activity. In the meantime (and more importantly for you!!) - continue your quest to find the answers and the procedure you need to do what's best for you. Can I ask, what type of procedure did you have - that you thought was to be a revision but ended up being a glorified hernia repair??? Seems to me your surgeon was unethical - again, you have recourse! All the best, Tonya. Maureen

P.S. I have been at the receiving end of hate email as well; it's very unnerving. Maureen

I understand why you were offended by what someone wrote to you, but I've also been on the other end and misunderstood someone and then embarrassed myself by responding inappropriately!  I guess what I'm saying really is that she tried to apologize more than once it seems and is probably feeling badly that she thought you were someone else.

I say always try to be the bigger person and forgive someone who genuinely wants to apologize.  If we want to be forgiven for mistakes we make, we should probably practice forgiveness ourselves.

Just one person's opinion!  Hope you find the revision that is right for you...you live and learn.  I've been in doctors offices and had to call later after I've hashed it all out in my brain to find out if I really understood.  Sometimes it takes several visits before I really get it, and I am an RN, so don't feel because some quack hoodwinked you...it's not your fault.

Bottom line, forgive this person's honest mistake and move forward.  It's easier and better for you in the long run.

Sue

Hi Sue:

I think your post is really sweet and feel we should all practice forgiveness... but at the same token...Those of us who speak out of irritation or anger or whatever...really do need to be careful of what they say, more especially to those who are searching for information and really are innocent of any wrong doing...this is not the first time a person has felt maligned on this board, and funny that it seems to be primarily this revision board, as I have visited many others on OH and I don't see this kind of stuff going on at the other sites....I believe we all need to take a step back and think about what we say, how we say it, and make others, especially "newbies" feel welcome....

If you are careful what you say in the beginning...usually apologies are not necessary...

Janie

That's true Janie!  The problem with communicating on a message board is that none of us can hear the tone of voice or see body language so we have to kind of take people at their word, which is always so black and white.  But I still feel that this person has tried to apologize (they apparently cannot do it personally because they're blocked) so it's probably better for Tonya to just accept that this person seems genuinely sorry and move on.  I also agree that this board and actually any of the boards can be harsh at times and people  can get nasty simply because of the anonymity of it all, but in general I think people really do want to help.  We all tend to see situations from our own particular points of view.

Sue

Thats true Sue...all true....the fact we don;t speak face to face does make us a little judgemental at times...But I agree, we all need to make nice and move on to more positive information and stick to the business at hand....GETTING SKINNY!!!!

I am going to delete my RUDE post immediately as part of my jesture of moving on to more motivating and informational subjects.

Janie

Janie,  you are such an example to me!  I know that I tend to take liberties at times simply because we don't "know" each other and that doesn't make it right.  I agree...we are ALL here to lose weight, become healthier and support anyone we can along the way.  Sometimes these "surgery wars" become tedious!  I am just thankful that we all have so many more options than were available when you and I had our original surgeries.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers on Wednesday!!  I wish you a very speedy recovery with good drugs for the pain!!!

Take care my friend!

Sue

No, it's not just this board.  It's all of them.  Here is a recent example on the Sleeve board.  A person is doing her research instead of believing the patient coordinator and fellow posters.  She's trying to verify training in sleeves.  She was pretty much attacked for daring to question the good doctor's claims:

www.obesityhelp.com/forums/VSG/3935041/Can-someone-clarify/

These are the same people that when I started questioning the same doctors stats and education a year ago when I was researching my own sleeve because they weren't panning out, they tried to cyberstalk me.  They thought they had all my personal contact info (they didn't, they weren't even close) and they threatened my privacy and health (they said they would post my contact info even though they didn't have my contact info) and inferred my health would be in jeopardy if I didn't stop posting facts about their doctor.

I kept all the stalking/warning/threatening PMs, they are available to anyone upon request.

Even a person here was trying to get my personal contact info.  She thought she was so impressive because she was able to dig up the ID I used for LapBandTald.  What she didn't realize is that I am very free with my first name and IDs used on other boards.  It's not something I have ever hidden and is common knowledge to all the regs I post with.  She was none too bright so I don't even consider her a stalker, just a wannabe stalker?  ;o)

And people question why some prefer to maintain on line privacy.  I don't even use my real last name for my ISP, my cell phones, nada.  This is why.

So no, it's not just this board.  People get down and dirty each place you go.  Usually it's by paid posters, sometimes it's nasty people, sometimes it is mentally ill people.

Around here it's typically childish behaviors that you'd see between high school girls that just don't know how to behave.

As for this thread, it was an honest mistake.  Wrong, yes!  But an honest mistake due to the high school cheerleader mentality that sometimes slither through the revision boards.

You know, I'm just a little annoyed right now.  Not a lot, just a little. ;o)

There was a person that screwed up, she blew it.  No doubt about it.  She messed up but she apologized.  She's done everything she can to apologize for what has been done yet look at all the finger wagging.

Check out LSally's posts.  She doesn't even put it to PM, she just smears it all over the boards for no good reason, she doesn't apologize, and nobody says a word.

I'm over what happened with this situation, we need to admit we have double standards here and THEN move on because it is what it is.  We have ONE nasty PM vs. quite a few really crappy, childish, feetie stomping, high school level posts by another who verbally sticks her tongue out at others.  Yes, I realize that is a reflection of the poster but still...  Who is getting the finger wagging?

Yes, just one.  The one who profusely apologized.  Now maybe this makes sense to you but it sure doesn't to me.

Either we need to call everyone on their behaviors or mind our own business.

Janie, you know I respect you.  We've had PM chats and such and I think I have been very respectful of you but this thread is starting to annoy me.  I resisted commenting earlier but well... everyone knows me and I speak my mind and there is little doubt my opinions on various topics.