"Old Fashioned" "Natural" or "Will Power" Judgy People

Thank you for the great reminder. That's a pretty serious warning.

Did I seem to suggest I didn't know how to deal with rude people? Or that this was my first rodeo? Did my post seem to suggest I wanted expert advice on how to maintain my BMI through the years? Did I ask for advice at all?

One point in my post was to comment that unsolicited advice, including but not limited to, advice on "how to avoid failure" when you aren't being asked for said advice is rude.

For any who are interested, here is an unsolicited 'Basics of Advice Giving Etiquette.' As is true of all free advice, it is worth at least what you paid for it, right?

Offering dire warnings against failure or the like implies the "advice giver" feels there is a likelihood of failure and an assumption of insufficiency in the person targeted with said advice. It is demeaning and condescending. It suggests that the advice giver is more than, better than, or above the other and only their wisdom, their doling out of tough love, can save the poor doomed-to-fail person from themselves.

For example, if a person posts on a WLS Forum "Oh no...I am regaining...help!" advice as to how to avoid regain is totally appropriate. Even tough love style advice...fully in play.

If a person posts, "I can eat anything I want all day as long as I am standing on my head, right?" seeking validation for unhealthy poor behavior...zingo! Give them the come to Jesus talk. Get their head back in the game. Whatever floats your boat. Advise away!

However, if the post is "Oh no, unsolicited judgy comments are frustrating" then responding with "You need to learn from regain" warnings and "I am maybe the only one" still successful in my area...not so much in my opinion. That is just rude.

Here is a little more reading on the subject lest you think my opinion is solely my own. And this gem is really helpful when framing responses to unsolicited advice.

Each to their own and as you suggest, once you share your thoughts publicly you have opened yourself up to deal with all sorts of folks.

Side note, you are indeed right...I have had to learn how to deal with idiots.

Bless your heart,

~E

Wow. You seem to have forgotten that this is a public forum. You are allowed to post a topic and I can reply any way I like. I'm not sure why you felt the need to lash out at me and call me an idiot, but believe me, I will not make the mistake of ever responding to one of your posts again.

It is somewhat ironic that you are complaining about people warning you about health issues and regain after weight loss surgery and you seem to be dealing with both right now.

Bless YOUR heart.

It took you a week to come up with this? Stirring the pot, Laura?

Nope.

Seriously, you look like a complete asshole, bringing this up a week later on something that was dead and buried.

Drama much?

People are rude. I don't know what it is, but I'm in a throat punchy kinda mood, so this thread is kinda ******g me off, for you, of course.

How dare people ever say stupid **** like that to you? I am amazed at the things that people think that they can get away with saying to other people that they are just acquainted with. I kid you now, no one is ever rude to me in that way, and I am very grateful for that. I would literally go off on someone who said something like that to me. I am so glad that no one has done that to me yet.

Maybe it's just that I haven't had enough weight loss success, lol.

BTW, if you EVER come to one of your conferences in my general vicinity (I think it's regional, so I doubt you ever will, but I can only dream) you must tell me because I want to crash. I'm so curious about it...

Well weren't they special snowflakes coming over to brighten your day!

Between my many weight loss attempts in the past and being a vegetarian I have had a lot of opportunity to consider why people can respond so negatively to my choices.

I think the biggest part of it is that they can be very self absorbed, and feel judged by others taking a path that might in some ways be considered better than theirs. So they get defensive. And they need to rationalize why you're not actually better to protect their ego.

Other people are perhaps more well meaning and are simply over generalizing their negative experiences and trying to warn you....

After being on this board and learning about so many people regaining weight after surgery, it's definitely been a good warning for me about the dangers out there for weight gain. Especially crackers. ;)

Crackers are the devil.