Quick Tempered

I am almost 6 weeks out...

I am not sure what "hormone dumping" is.

I am a widow, my husband died at age 45 and I am raising 3 boys on my own.  Crying was my outlet before WLS & still is. Hell...  I cry watching my TV shows, at commercials and during the Grammys for God's sake.

So far I am more happy and positive since my RNY.

I told only my 8 best friends & family.

I listened to the negative comments throughout my journey and decided not to let anyone  & ...

I used to say that you can't ever tell your friends that your boyfriend was ******g you off... Even after you have made up?  Your friends still remember what you told them and they only feel distain for him.

It is best not to feed those *****es with any information and your wife needs to grow a back bone and put them in their place.

Absolutely seek therapy not only for you but for your wife.  Clearly you both need an outlet to vent and turn things around.

Take care & always come back here! We are your WLFs 

Sandra.  

Mahalo.  

I've cried watching The Price is Right.

Hormones are stored in fat cells. Hormone dumping is a real thing during rapid weight loss.

My brother's wife had a friend who constantly complained about her husband, but never to his face.

My brother was drunk one night and ran into the lady and her husband.  She introduced him and he said, "Oh, are you then SOB who never puts the seat down, who leaves messy dishes on the table and doesn't put his laundry in the hamper?"

I agree with the hormone dumping theory.  Also with the lack of replacement coping skill yet.  I certainly ate related to feeling suppression without even realizing it. Once I stopped eating my feelings I had to find different ways to handle all those feelings.

One other thought I would add...I know for me my face physically looks different. This is a big change for an intimate partner who has years of experience reading our micro-expressions via a particular face.  Now...new face. They don't consciously think about reading micro-expressions to interpret mood...we all do it without thinking. Now that your face is literally shaped differently her responses could in part be that your 'tells' are new. My Guy asks me pretty often things like "Are you ok?" or "Is something wrong?" and I have figured out he really just can't tell anymore what I am thinking just by looking at me. It bugs him that he can't figure it out so he asks.

My guess is there are a combination of things at play. You probably are irritated by the same things you always have been but in the past you would self soothe with food to distract and she would not notice because that particular set of micro-expressions did not indicate you were going to be in a negative mood. Your irritation passed without either of you actually taking notice. Now you aren't coping with the food so you might be feeling irritation in a more surface way AND she is seeing a different expression and trying to sort out what that means for predicting mood in her spouse.

Long story short...give it time.  You both are going through a ton of changes relatively quickly. In a year or two she will re-learn your face and you will find new ways to cope and things will level out.

Oh and as to her friends and her talking with them...that is so normal. Many women talk about the most detailed intimate concerns they have with their friends. It is likely a safe space for her to process her own feelings and concerns. If this is how things have been in your relationship all along I would simply chalk it up to how things go and move on. Having confidants outside of a duo relationship can be vital in maintaining a sense of self and connections within the relationship. 

My two cents.

~E

E

Can I just say- you are the bomb and my hero...

Back at ya!

No shame in your game to get professional help.

There is a Men's board on OH.  Come see!

One of my favourite sayings:  "I'm sorry but your opinion of me is really none of my business."  Just saying it's their choice to share and our choice not to listen.  Keeps me happy and drives them nuts.  Win-win.  Keep happy and stick with your plan.

Weight loss surgery forces us to take care of ourselves.  What we used to settle for we don't and people feel challenged by this, unconsciously or consciously.  I definitely think you are on the right track seeing a therapist.

Partners have a right to point out concerning behavior.  Constantly reiterating the comments of friends about your behavior, especially when your friends are not WLS experts, is atypical and should be discussed.