"Easy Way Out" - Family Drama

My daughter is under the mistaken impression that by pursuing this, I am trying to take the "easy way out" to getting rid of all this weight. Today, she made a snarky comment about the doctor "stabbing you and maybe killing you" in the course of surgery.

I'm sticking to my plan to have the surgery. I know she's upset about it, but I've also let her know that the doctor has told me that once I have the surgery, I will no longer have an issue I've had for nearly 40 years now, where food that's only just gone to my stomach will come up again, as though I am some kind of cow or goat, needing to rechew what I've swallowed. It's disgusting, but there's never been anything I could do about it.

The doctor said that once the surgery happens, the regurgitation will be a thing of the past, and that thought makes me more than a little happy. The mere idea of being likened to a ruminant just disgusts me. Also, can you imagine the damage that all this has done to my esophagus in the nearly 40 years since this began? That can't be good for me at all!

I'll say that it's difficult to not let my daughter make me second guess my decision, but even knowing that the whole "moo" thing will be a thing of the past helps me to stay strong in my determination to take this next step and embrace the tool that I will be given.

Thanks for listening. I don't have many folks out there who would understand what I'm going through.

Good luck taking the first step for your health, your families opinion is irrelevent, they do not have to live in your body.

Some people here have had better understanding from family members when they take them to a support group meeting.

I wonder if that will help your daughter, or if she is somehow under the mistaken impression that you are asking for her permission (or even her blessing) to move forward with a procedure that will improve your quality of life and health for years to come.

Bear in mind, you can't impose reason on an unreasonable situation/person. Perhaps the next time she goes off, you could simply say, "I can't believe you would say that. This is obviously not a topic we can discuss so let's move on and talk about something else."

Good luck!

Here is how I handled that with my family. I flat out stated that I was taking the easy way out because the hard way did not work for me. One family member who had been obese since high school scheduled her own RNY after I told her that.

I drive my car instead of hitching a horse to the buggy, I use the washing machine instead of taking my dirty clothes to the river and beating them on rocks, I turn the furnace on instead of cutting down a tree to burn in the fireplace.

Weight loss surgery is the easy way to control your weight. Of the millions of people who need the surgery, probably about 1% of them actually get it. Consider yourself one of the fortune people who are able to have the surgery.

I am not going to blow smoke up your bottom and tell you that life is hard after having the surgery. The truth is that it makes life so much easier. Controlling your food intake is so much easier when you are not hungry and cannot eat much at a meal. Losing the excess weight makes all activity much easier. Buying and wearing clothes is easy. Life will be much easier after taking the easy way out.

Would your daughter come to support group meetings with you? She's likely scared for your safety and also afraid you'll change into a new person who no longer resembles her mom. Support meetings should ease her fears about your safety and give her positive post op people to get to know, as well as teach her about the post op lifestyle.

I asked my doctor if he would be cool with her coming in so that he could answer any questions she might have. He smiled and said "Of course!"

This made me happier.

He also suggested that she might end up getting it herself, once she saw how it goes with me, as she is also morbidly obese and has a very hard time losing the extra weight (genetic history of being large in the maternal side of my family).

My first thought was your DD has high anxiety over losing her mother to think a surgeon would stab you in the course of surgery. I didn't realize my DD was anxious until she told me all the WLS research she had done; that made her more nervous than me. Here's some general things I said to calm and reassure her: things will go just fine, I trusted the skilled hands of the medical staff, her concern was appreciated, her support was needed, I was striving for a better life for all of us, and to stay off the d*mn internet.

I believe that a lot of her negativity is coming from how dangerous things used to be with RnY surgery when they weren't doing things laparoscopically. Yes, there were a lot of scary things that happened in the course of those more invasive surgeries, but techniques have improved a hell of a lot since then, so I don't find it quite such a daunting thing.

A few years ago, when I brought up the subject of RnY to my Mom (who is still around), she was very much against it, but a couple years ago, she actually suggested it, apparently suddenly feeling it might not be something as bad as she previously had thought.

In my opinion, if my mother can get her head out of her @$$ about this, then my daughter should (eventually) be able to reach the same achievement. ;) I've already spotted that one unicorn (my rabidly stubborn mother changing her mind about something), so I should be able to at least glimpse another one, hopefully sooner, rather than later.

Sending you good wishes for your surgery. She's probably scared... snark, anger, is her coping mechanism. Can you take her to a pre-op meeting/support group meeting? Sometimes a little more education (from someone other than you) can help ease fears.

Hope reading a few of these help:

http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2013/11/life- after-weight-loss-surgery-q-a.html

http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2015/09/life- after-weight-loss-surgery-q-a_7.html

http://conscienhealth.org/2015/10/going-public-with-bariatri c-surgery/

I hope your condition is resolved and the next 40+ years are some of your BEST EVER.

~Shelly

I would guess that your current condition is not good at all. GERD can lead to cancer of the esophagus. That may be different from what you are suffering from, but perhaps you could point out to your daughter that surgery is really a preventative step for you. There are many other conditions that obesity can lead to as well, so WLS is really preventative for most people. It is about more than just loosing weight. It is about better health overall, and I view it as the only way out. I know I never could have lost so much weight without surgery. Good luck, and keep us updated on your progress.