Failed, Terrified and Bewildered

lynnc99
on 8/8/15 10:34 pm

Yes, you probably did dodge a bullet. I wouldn't try it again though. 

Here are words from the best support group leader alive (although she's no longer leading). Take them as inspiration. Take them as a kick in the ass. Whatever.

She would say this:

When we walk through the doors of this hospital, we agree to follow the rules set forth by a surgeon. 

We have made our own rules for years. Our own rules have led us to the place of morbid obesity. 

Now, we commit to following the rules set forth for us. Without deviation. Without complaint. We must come to this commitment voluntarily because we walked through these doors of our own accord. 

We can no longer make our own rules. 

Mary Gee
on 8/8/15 4:12 pm, edited 8/8/15 4:13 pm - AZ
VSG on 05/14/14

One thing you said:  I feel cheated.   Why would you say that?  Obviously you have some misconceptions about the surgery.  You will still be able to reach into the refrigerator or any cabinet and grab anything you want to and eat it.  You may end up in the ER, or puking your guts out into the toilet.  Only you can make the choices regarding what you put in your mouth.  I've made poor choices myself so I understand how angry you must feel... But remember, the surgery can only do so much....you still have to follow your surgeon's guidelines.  

Consider this a lesson learned and move forward.

 

 

peachpie
on 8/8/15 11:21 pm - Philadelphia, PA
RNY on 04/28/15

 I thought that was an odd thing to say too...

5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI

Laura in Texas
on 8/9/15 5:55 am

I thought this was a strange comment, too. They did not do surgery on our head.

Laura in Texas

53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)

RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis

brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco

"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."

Ashley in Belgium
on 8/8/15 11:17 pm - Belgium
RNY on 08/08/13

Get over it and move on.  Day 4?  Worry about all the days that are coming.  You can do it if you decide to commit to your plan.

Food smells good, people around you are going to eat all kinds of things that you won't now as a post-op and you need to find a way to deal.  You can, it isn't always easy and it flat out sucks other times, but 100% doable.  

Group therapy will help, support groups, counselling and being active here will all give you a leg up on the head issues that no one but you can address.  You made a mistake.  That's not a failure. Failure would be repeatedly making the same ones over and over.  You can do this!

Revision Band to RNY 8/8/13 5'4" HW 252 Lbs / SW 236 Lb / GW 135 lb / CW 127

Enough is Enough
on 8/9/15 4:13 am
RNY on 07/20/15

I'm going to come down somewhere in the middle on this one.

Should you be "terrified"?--hell yes! That was a dangerous game of roulette you played and you are very lucky it didn't result in complications. At his point if you really feel the need to cheat, your options still need to be limited to soft things. Not that I am recommending it, but you need to know your limitations...

But should you feel "failed" and "bewildered"?--no way. Beating yourself up is entirely useless, and likely to steer you towards the next bad decision. Learn from it, move on, and use it as your personal "lesson I learned" anecdote you will tell newbies on this site, when you are an experienced vet. 

My last advice is to get creative with flavors. If something savory smells amazing, look through your spice rack and figure out a way to get a flavor into something "approved". Think of Cottage cheese, plain Greek yogurt, and ricotta as bases that can be anything. You are much better off adding some dry ranch dressing mix to cottage cheese on day 4 than you will be eating bread! Use the time you have off to get creative and motivated!

 

Hislady
on 8/9/15 4:04 pm - Vancouver, WA

Because like thousands before her she expected the surgery to do the work! Now she is bewildered that she is going to have to do it after all, all by herself! The surgery does not shoot the bad food only, out of your mouth!

No one "accidentally" eats a piece of toast!!! You made a string of decisions to eat it. 1 you chose to either fix it yourself or have someone else fix it, 2 you looked at it at least 10-12 times as you picked it up to take a bite. 3 you took that bite, 4 and another one 5. and another one 6 and another one et****il you were done with it. That my dear is a whole LOT of choices, not just one oh ooopss mistake, but a whole string of mistakes. So you lucked out and the bullet missed you, don't tempt fate by doing it again because it is not an accident it is a choice and one that was made over and over again.

We have all made bad choices but we don't all try to minimize it by calling it an accident. Accept what you did was make a bad choice, then panicked and felt guilty. Guilt has no use so forget that, just accept that you made a bad choice and don't do it again, that is what successful people do. Don't dismiss it or excuse it, take responsibility for it and move on!

SkinnyScientist
on 8/10/15 11:59 am

I dont understand how people expect the surgery to do the work. Isnt that what all the 6 months prior to surgery is for?  Dont people watch shows like "My 600 lbs life" and "Heavy".

I dont even know her but I cant write to her as I am so angry with her behavior.

RNY Surgery: 12/31/2013; 

Current weight (2/27/2015) 139lbs, ~14% body fat

Three pounds below Goal!!! Yay !  

LynnAlex
on 8/9/15 7:29 am
RNY on 08/04/15

Thank you everyone *****sponded, I have read the comments about 4 times.  I will re-read thim again several times.  The reason I was terrified was that I was not supposed to be on real food, just liquids.  I can't believe I went so against the doctor's orders. I can't believe how impulsive I was.  It was the smell.  If I overeat more liquids that I was supposed to, I'd have normal guilt, but last night I felt I crossed the line.  And then, nothing happened.  I have read where bread is hard on people's stomach long after surgery.  I rarely ate bread before surgery.  I just wanted to "eat" food.  But then I thought it might get stuck in the stoma, or I would bloat when it hit my stomach.  I drank about 60 more ounces of water to pu**** through my stomach.  I  walked a couple of miles in the middle of the night to help get the bread through my system. 

I chose RNY so I could have feedback when I'm being a jerk.  There was no feedback.  Hell, I didn't feel anything.  I've read where they were making pouches larger and shortening the bypass amount to reduce complications.  I thought maybe the doctor didn't give me the "full" RNY.  I weighed only 210 on surgery date, I was afraid they would cancel me because of low BMI, and I didn't really have any comorbidities.  I was pre-everything.  They cancelled me in 2013. 

This surgery means everything to me.  Thank you for your support.  I would never tell the dietician or doctor that I ate a solid food so soon.  It is nice to be able to tell someone how foolish you have been, and learn whether it  will kill you or only shame you.  I am definately seeking mental help.  Thank you for yelling at me, I am humbled. Thank you for taking the terror out of my heart--You can be sure I will not try this stunt.  When I heal some more, I will listen to my pouch.

Age 61 5'4" Consult-6/2/15: 238 SW-8/4/15: 210 CW:145 (6/30/18) M1-16#, M2-17#, M3-14#, M4-10#, M5-6#, M6-5#, M7-1#, M8 -3# Range 133-138 DexaScan 4/16/17 19% body fat---- 2016 wt avg 142-146, 2017, wt. avg 132-136, 2018 avg weight 144-146 bounce back is real.

H.A.L.A B.
on 8/9/15 8:08 am

The reason you did not feel anything is probably because the nerves were cut. So - no sensation... To being full, overall, or..bursting staple line... Yea.. People did that.. And they ended in another major surgery when infection spread inside their gut, and either being long therm in hospital on antibiotics or.. Dead. Imagine the digestive juices spiked inside you body cavity... The good and acid inside - where they were not suppose to be... 

It is very dangerous... And scary just to think about. 

Btw: my abity to feel full - return at about 2 months... Post op.  I was eating "normal" premeasure portioned, then one morning - I ate 1/2 of that and felt full... And could not eat more... 

Good luck. 

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

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