Telling Friends and Family that I am Planning to Have Gastirc Bypass Surgery

Thank you, supershopper! I think it would be good to bring him to a support group and let him in to understand what it is like for me. He supports me loosing weight but I am not sure how he will react with the surgery. All of the things you listed above will definitely be things I say to him when explaining.

Hi Melissa;

I would tell my SO and invite him to attend all of your appointments with you, seminars, dietician, doctors.  My husband has gone to every meeting I have had and support groups I've gone to.  I think going to these will help him understand where you're coming from and if he has questions he can ask the medical professionals. 

I did tell some family, and had a lot of negative feed back.  My DH helped with the explanations, after most people became supportive.  The only one who was against was my sister and she called the day before surgery to ask me to cancel.

I'm off all blood pressure, cholesterol meds and have so much more energy.  I can clean my house and do other things without having to sit down every 15 minutes or so.

Good luck!

Before surgery I told only close friends and my parents.  I was expecting a negative reaction from my parents, but they were super excited for me because they knew how much I'd struggled with my weight in the past.  My husband wasn't on board at first, but I took him to an orientation and to my surgical consult and then he was totally down.  Since I've had the surgery, I'll tell anyone who asks.  I've even given my own little seminar in the middle of Eddie Bauer.  

When I'm asked, I don't treat it like a big deal.  "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight.  How did you do it?" "Oh, I had surgery." No hemming or hawing or drama--just out with it and if you don't treat it like a big deal, then likely the other person will respond to that and not make a big deal out of it either.  Now, I can't control what people say when I'm not around, but I've never had anyone up in my face say that I'll gain it back or that I took the easy way out.  

It's your choice to tell or not to tell, but I feel that honesty is the best policy and who knows, you might help someone in their own decision making process.  And if someone is not supportive, leave that crab in their bucket and move on.

Jen

Many times, how people react depends a lot on how YOU present the information.  If you tell people that you have consulted your doctors and given the matter a lot of careful consideration, and have made the decision to have WLS in order to improve both the quality and length of your life and you present it in a way that it is clear that the decision is already made, that you are NOT soliciting permission, advice, or opinions, and that you are just letting them know what you will be doing, they will often not attempt to give unwanted advice or express negativity.

I only told family, close friends, and a few coworkers and my two supervisors before I had surgery.  They were all people that I believed would be at least mostly supportive, but I still made it clear that the decision was made and not open for debate.  (Since I had a BMI of 57 and was 45 at the time if surgery, I don't think too many people objected to met taking that step!)

Once the surgery is done, you can tell additional people as you desire, but make it matter of fact so they will know that it isn't something you want to discuss.

Lora

Thank you, Lora- this is great advice and I am going to make it a point to tell people in a positive/ firm and decided way. After all, I have done a lot of research and I do believe this is what is best for me. I have a lot of weight to loose and a lot to live for and this surgery is going to give me what I need to do both. Have a great Saturday!

My surgery is scheduled for August 11th and I have had to deal with people not being to supportive I have shrugged it off I tell people my doctors all got together and told me we have to do something about your weight I have heart problems,high bp,and have had 5 different surgeries for different reasons also have three children that need me so do not really care what others have to say this is for our own good.So keep your head up you are doing the right thing.

Thank you, and keep your head up, too! :)

I think it's different for everyone.  Some people thrive on the attention and the discussions.  Some need it for accountability.  Some just don't care who knows or what people think.  Some are private,  introverted,  or even afraid of what some may think.  

For me: I'm a single,  VERY independent woman.  Over the years I have become quite cynical (not proud of this) and where I used to be an open book and a social butterfly,  I have become extremely private.  My circle of friends can't even make a circle it's so small, and I don't really share my "life" with anyone.  I got tired of two faced people and judgmental busy bodies,  and sort of just shut everyone out. 

When I decided to have the surgery and start the process,  I told ONLY my brother,  who has had 2 WLS and is probably my best friend.  As the appointments continued,  I told my parents,  but pretty much because my family is close enough that I couldn't hide it.  They support me no matter what,  but they are not fans of WLS. I needed their help with the surgery and post op,  though,  since I'm single and my brother lives in another state.  

Friends- just a week before surgery,  I told 3 friends,  and very strategically.  I told one person from each of my life's facets,  so that in case of emergency,  someone would know.  I made sure I could absolutely trust them to be discreet and non judgmental.  

I don't so much care what others think,  I just know how much I loathe and despise the negative comments.  And living in the south,  a lot of it is sugar coated passive aggressive jabs and boy,  let me just tell you,  I've had about as much of that as I can take.  The comments people make,  whether ill-willed or well-meaning,  are hurtful to me and I don't need any more hurt.  I am turning to surgery because I have failed at every other Avenue,  I have had nothing but a life of hurt.  

Besides my personal emotional issues,  quite plainly put,  it's simply none of their business.  This is MY battle.  MY journey.  MY life.  

In 2009 I lost 85 pounds with diet and exercise (obviously gained it all back and then some) and really,  that's what this is,  too. So I'm 2 weeks post op,  30+pounds lost so far,  and basically,  when people ask,  I'll tell them I'm eating less and moving more.  It's true, and it's all they need to know.  

It's truly a matter of who you are and the nature of your relationships.  If you want to keep it a secret,  it's YOUR secret to keep!  If you want to shout it from the rooftops for extra support and accountability,  or just because you feel like it,  go ahead!  I don't think there's a right or wrong,  just a right or wrong FOR YOU.  good luck!  I find that although I keep it to myself and no one around me knows,  this forum is FULL of all the support I need,  and it's all the best kind!  Experienced and educated.  

TOTALLY agree! My sister was involved as she is my best friend and has had WLS, my DH was supportive but unfortunately unable to come to my appointments and support meetings.  I didn't even want tell my daughters.  My sister pointed out that IF something happened due to the surgery, the girls would feel blind-sided. So I relented.  My youngest was 24 yo at the time and came to the hospital right after I was taken to my room.  I didn't want her to see me in that condition--I don't do well with anesthesia and looked worse for the wear.  It was traumatic for her and I have had two major surgeries since that time and she honored my wishes and didn't come to the hospital.  I don't generally tell people about the WLS unless they might be thinking about it for themselves.  I just say I watch what I eat closely and walk daily.  And we all know that's true.  WLS gives a jump start, it's not the whole answer.

hey I didn't tell any of my close friends until after I had surgery because they would have said your not fat!!  well I weighted 257lbs and had diebeties and couldn't control it so I had it done my wife also ahd the ryn surgery hers was may7 on her b day mine was june 24th, after the surgery I told most all my friends and the said why youre not fat again I told them about my dieabeties as long as your wife or husband is  good with it that's all that need to know