Telling Friends and Family that I am Planning to Have Gastirc Bypass Surgery

Hello All,

I have just started the process to have the Gastric Bypass surgery. I have pre-approval from my insurance pending the surgeon's final approval, I have dates scheduled for the pre-surgery seminar and for my behavior/heath review by a physiologist. If everything moves forward as I hope, I am think I will be scheduled for surgery in the next 3-6 months

I spent a really long time holding on to this negative image of myself for not being able to stick with a diet and loose the weight I have needed to loose to be healthy. I have spent all of my life overweight, and have spent the years trying different methods only to get small results and gain the weight back as soon as I faltered. I finally reached a wall and realized I can't loose this weight myself. I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I should or shouldn't do, and whether this surgery is the right call. The more I read, the less alone I feel about needing help from surgery to be successful. I know in my heart this is the right choice to make.

I haven't told any of my close family and friends yet, I am hesitant to do so. I know there will be people who support me and some who will question my decision. I am the largest and most overweight person in my family. I worry that they will think this is me trying to take the easy way out, even though I know better- especially after reading about people who have really struggled after having this surgery.

I am especially worried about my partner of 10yrs who had a co-worker that he looked down on for trying to have weight loss surgery. I worry that he wont support me, or will judge me as well, and with two young kids at home I am definitely going to need his help, especially in the beginning.

Anyone else out their been in a similar situation? How did you tell loved ones about your decision and how did you deal with those who didn't support you?

Thank you all in advance!

Melissa

My first thought is "no one needs to know!"  Everyone can jus****ch as the pounds slip away.  If they ask then just tell them diet and exercise prescribed from your doctor.  I'm sure many people will ask.  After you lose the weight you can then tell them or not...your decision.  I had a lap band and didn't tell anyone!  I lost a ton of weight right off and was asked and I just said I'm eating less these days!

Your partner needs to be on board with it.  Perhaps if you and he read some of these forums together it may help.  Also, bring him to your appointments.  I hope he comes around.  My husband is not too keen on my getting lap band revision to another form of WLS.  He wants me to just get the band removed because he sees the complications.  I said "NOWAY"  I need some sort of restriction!  He will support me but I don't know if I could do it without him. 

I'm in the same boat as you Angela-

I had a Lap Band in 2011 and am in the process of getting approval for a RNY revision. My husband was hesitant at first. He originally thought my issue with the band was just lack of willpower. Now that I have brought him to appointments he's on board now.  He's also an extreme advocate of "Get the band out ASAP". I had to talk him into agreeing that a RNY revision was a good idea but he originally was also of the opinion of getting the band out was most important.

Hi Melissa,

First, I just want to say that this surgery was the BEST decision I ever made for myself and I have not had 1 day of regret since having it.  As for your specific question re. telling people.  I was terrified to tell people in fact, originally I wasn't going to tell anyone (I had constructed this "story" about a vacation I was going on so people wouldn't know).  As my surgery date approached, I realized that was sort of ridiculous and I told my parents.  They did not react well.  My dad was convinced that the surgery was a) unsuccessful and b) created more health problems than is solved.  I was confident in the research I had done, and did not feel this way, but still it was hard to hear b/c I knew he was coming from a place of concern.  In the end, my parents were the only 2 people I told (I'm single) prior to surgery.  My feeling on this was that I didnt' want to hear countless stories of people who knew people who had the surgery and it didn't work/complication/easy way out, etc.  

Ultimately, that was the right decision for me.  Post op, I've told tons of people about my surgery, I don't really care who knows, b/c once again, this was the single best decision for my health I've ever made.  However, I'm happy with how I handled things pre-surgery.  I just know that I didn't need a lot of commentary prior to my surgery date, I just needed to get my head in the right place and prepare for all of the life style changes I had to make (and did make).  I don't know if that helps at all, but for me, not telling people prior to surgery really helped me focus on me and not peoples opinions of the surgery.  Looking back, I wouldn't have done a single thing differently.

Good luck, this surgery really is life changing if choose to use your tool as "instructed".  Just follow the rules your surgeon gives you and you'll be amazed at the results!

Thank you so much for this!

What DodgerGirl27 said, about a million times. 

Definitely get your S.O. on board, but nobody else needs to know.  You might want to tell your family immediately prior to surgery, just in case they'd get really angry knowing you'd had major surgery without telling them (I know my family would have kicked my a&& if I'd done that!), but the less time you need to hear about their fear, the better it will be for you.

As for work, keep your private life private.

I think that is a big reason why I don't want to tell as many folks- I am excited and nervous about having this surgery and I need support and not fear or judgment thrown my way. I told my closest family member last night and she was nothing but supportive and happy for me and I think that has helped tremendously.

But I think you are right, I may have some very pissed of people if I don't tell them ahead of time. I think I will do as DodgerGirl27 said, and only tell my parents and SO a couple weeks out from my actually surgery date.

As a side note- I am so greatful for this site and for all of you *****spond.

I didn't tell anyone the specifics just routed my medical leave request, And told my immediate supervisor I was having surgery, without details.  The only exception was my DH, and since my Dr recommended it, what could he say really, you don't not do a surgery your DR recommends right (id didn't mention I may have asked first...).  After the fact (at around 50 lbs loss) ive told most people, I think its pretty obvious and I didn't want to lie, if they asked.  But all of that was a personal decision and you can deal with it at the time.

Good Luck on your journey!

Oh one other point I used with my DH that really seemed to hit home, I asked him how long he could carry our son (4year old, 43 lbs at the time) before you had to put him down?  Maybe 15 min??? Now imagine me having to carry twice that weight every minute of every day... Seemed to make the numbers more realistic for him...

I am in this same boat with you. Ive told a few people, 2 neighbors, mom, and a friend. Our of those 4- 2 had some negativity about it and brought up the regain, blah blah, whatever they 'heard or saw about people that may or may not have had the same RNY surgery'. I did get upset about it at the time and wrote about it on this board. If you decide to tell anyone else, I would phrase it as, I have made the decision and I would appreciate your support on this and not provide your negative comments.

I think the best thing you can say to your partner is that- look, I have a metabolic issue and I need this surgery to become healthy and live longer. I don't want to die early and I want to be around. I've made my decision and this is not the easy way out and I will need your support. Hopefully they will be on board with you and support you with this. We are required to go to a monthly support group and it would be good for your partner to go once so he can have a better understanding of what it means to live day in and day out being heavy. My DH has always been thin and I'm not quite sure he totally understands everything but hoping by going to the class with me he will understand where I'm coming from. (I've been overweight since 6 years old)

I have another 4 months to go- November is my last check-in with the surgeon and then they will file for insurance approval. Hopefully by Nov/Dec I can have the surgery.

Just my thoughts on the question.