5 days post op and first full day home

I don't think I can do this.

I mean, I know I can do this, but I'm just at the bottom of that emotional spiral with added in pain, pressure to get in all my fluids and protein, no energy, and a mother who's nursing skills leave something to be desired.  It sucks, and I am in tears more than 50% of the time (which doesn't make the mom-nurse monster happy)

I'm getting just shy of 60 calories and 174 calories for the day if I take in my planned meals today.  I'll hit my liquid target, but the rest is hard!  I'm still working on the last of breakfast and lunch and I still haven't done my snack and I have to do dinner.  I'm gonna be up till midnight trying to do this.  And I'm worried about getting backed up but my doctor said that I can't take any laxatives for 2 weeks from surgery.  I'm soooooo jealous of people who are with other doctors but had surgery the same week and they are already on full liquids and soft foods.  I know every doctor has a different plan.  I just have this hope that a creamy soup will taste better.  Everything is SO SWEET and it makes me not want to eat anything at all.  Its hard to bear. 

My mom-nurse-monster is really getting to me today.  She got here 2 late, then complained that I was still in bed.  She said it would be boring if I stay in bed all day.  After half of my breakfast coffee, which I had to battle with her that it be decaf (she wanted the whole pot to be caffeinated so she could have some) she talked me into coming out into the kitchen to sit with her while she did stuff in the kitchen.  She was supposed to make jello so I had some to eat later but she said she needed to sit and eat the snack she got from Starbucks.  Then laughed and said "sorry if you are jealous"  Are you kidding me?  I don't want ANYTHING at all.  After sitting there and sitting up for about an hour I started to get lightheaded and got up to head to bed.  We fought over which route to take the bathroom, and I got in bed.  She came in later and wanted me to move over cause she didn't want to sit on my husband's side of the bed.  How about you get out and do something like run errands or shove food in your face, I really don't want you here.  You don't seem to care.  She even literally threw the dog to me when I was in bed this morning which landed one paw squarely in my stomach.  She swears she didn't do it, but I'm positive she lives on her own planet.

I'm so emotional.  I know its from the anesthesia and hormones.  But its still there.  And its hard.  Really hard.  I am usually very in control of my emotions.  But I spoke to my kids this morning on the phone and my 5 year old caught his first fish ever.  (they are up at the family farm for bible camp and to spend time with their grandparents) He was so proud and it was so hard for me to contain myself while on the phone with him.  I wanted to be there so bad to see it!  He tries so hard and always gets discouraged.  He finally caught a catfish big enough that they are cooking it for his dinner tonight.  I'm so proud, but so sad.

This is just really hard.  I know it gets better.  But I'm at the bottom and its just so hard. 

Deep breath.  You will feel better.  This is all totally normal.  

Don't worry about eating too much.  You need to stay hydrated and it sound like you are doing awesome with that.  I remember wondering if I was ever going to drink normally again, let alone eat real food!  Your nerves are cut and it takes several months to figure stuff out and it is so different from the Banded way of eating and drinking.  

Sucks your Mom is as much of a drag as a help.  I know the last thing I'd want is my own underfoot while trying to heal!  You will see the next big fish your little man catches and all kinds of fun things because this time next year you will be healthier, slimmer and full of energy and enthusiasm!  Have him take lots of pictures and make a scrapbook with him when he comes home so you can re-live it with him.  

You've got this.  It's going to get better.  Hang tough.  Ashley

I needed that about my son.  Thank you.  I will get through it.  I just need my whole day to be just like the first 45 after I take my pain meds.  lol

Hey, did you notice things were worse for you than other people getting surgery for the first time?  I have a group of girls here in support who all had their surgeries recently and it seems they were feeling a lot better than I am a lot sooner.  But none of them were revisions from anything.  I know my doctor said I had a lot of adhesions, my surgery took 3 hours.  But I am just surprised.  They were in surgery for about 45 minutes to an hour, and most were on just Tylenol 5 days out.  I'm sucking down Percocet every 3 hours and if I don't I am in immense pain.

I know I know, don't compare.  But I am just trying to figure out why its SO VASTLY DIFFERENT.  And I want to make sure its not something going wrong.

You had the band removed and then revised to the bypass that is why you are in a bit more pain and discomfort than the rest. 

Like me I bet your doctor had to "cut" out the band from any scar tissue that developed around it and cutting away the adhesions will cause you more discomfort.  The others just went in for a virgin surgery you were a revision.  You had more done on your insides than they did. 

I can't really say if the pain was worse or not as I heal quickly and have a pretty high tolerance to pain always have. 

Trust me in a few weeks you will be laughing at how you feel right now.

Yeah he said that it was almost wrapped entirely in tissue.  It hadn't eroded, but more like tissue grew around it like an oyster makes a pearl.  He said he almost didn't do the bypass part when he first went in cause he did not want to go through more than 3.5 hours of me down.  thank god it went well.

I feel your pain.  I had lap band in 2008 and revision to RNY on May 18.  It has kicked my butt.  I was in surgery for three hours and there was a lot of clean up work due to adhesions and things like that.  I was taking the pain medication longer than I ever thought was necessary.  I am four weeks post surgery and haven't started my exercise yet.  I'm still completely wiped out after I get home from work.  I feel like I'm letting myself down because I'm not out there walking or doing anything else, but I really am not up for it.  

I'm sorry this is so difficult for you.  Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers and that this gets easier for both of us.

Yeah, I just gotta get out of my head.  Its hard when all I can do is sit here.  I appreciate your kind words, we are all in this together!

I"m only three weeks out.  The first week was very hard!  I'm surprised you are already doing protein.  I was on clear fluids for the first week, full liquids the second week, and am now eating pureed foods.  So, I wouldn't be too worried about the protein just yet.  I have to say that the pain was much worse than I expected.  I did not have difficulty getting in my fluids once I got home.  I did have trouble tolerating them in the hospital, but was fine with that when I got home.  I am sure it will get easier!  Just keep your eye on the prize!

Protein is essential for reconstruction of tissue so I am trying to get as much in as possible.  I'm doing it through adding protein powder to all of my clears, and making some of my clears the clear protein drinks from syntrax.  It doesn't add any volume so its helpful to me.  If I had to add volume I'd die.  I just wish I could drink my protein shakes with my clears.  :(  Life would be so much easier.