Anyone else have friends distance themselves?

lsofich
on 5/20/15 2:07 pm

 

Sad, I wonder what your friends are feeling? Why not ask them? Could be they have many different feelings. They may not want to sabotage you and are staying away. They may feel ashamed because they are not making healthy choices right now. I am wondering if staying away is more about their feelings and not so much about yours? Be a friend and see if you could out what is going on. Maybe they were just eating buddies and not friends. I wonder if you may find you had at least one good friend there, maybe more. Go the extra mile and find out, and good luck!

phibbmom
on 5/20/15 7:14 pm

It could be the eating . . . someone else pointed that out too.  Thanks!

    

High: 295  Pre-surgery: 267  Current: 142   RNY: 10/7/14

Chilipepper
on 5/20/15 1:26 pm

It's them not you. You are familiar with the scenario that the pretty girls always have the fat or ugly friends because it makes them feel better. You are no longer that person, that distraction for them. Time for new friends. 

 

"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue." --- Dorothy Parker  

"You may not like what I say or how I say it, but it may be just exactly what you need to hear." ---Kathryn White

 

 

Robin3174
on 5/20/15 2:09 pm - CA
RNY on 02/13/14

For the most part I lucked out.  My three best friends are all smaller than me so they were big supporters for me to lose the weight.  I will say that a few times AFTER the surgery, I know they each had their moments of pulling back slightly due to not wanting to be a bad influence on me.. drinking wine and all.  But it was never done to be hurtful.  After about six months out they just call me their skinny ***** (excuse the language) and I'm always included.  They never push food or drink on me ever.  Which I think was hard for them at first.  All I can say is that true friends will stick by you no matter what.  Right after my surgery, my one friend would come over and force me to walk around the neighborhood with her.  Each time she made me go further.  I will admit that my smaller sized friends stuck with me.  The larger ones show more resentment and pulled away.  Good thing they weren't my close friends.  Hang in there and make new friends who have healthy lifestyles.

phibbmom
on 5/20/15 7:17 pm

I think I am going with the being a bag influence (I don't think it was intentionally hurtful, I am an emotional person).  Thanks! 

    

High: 295  Pre-surgery: 267  Current: 142   RNY: 10/7/14

Laura in Texas
on 5/20/15 3:20 pm

I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Do you talk about your surgery a lot? Your weight loss? What you can/can't eat? Does the majority of your conversations revolve around you and your weight loss?? Do you post a lot of weight loss pictures?? Some of us get a bit self-absorbed post-op. I'm sure I was. Perhaps people do not want to hear about your weight loss.

Just another perspective.

Laura in Texas

53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)

RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis

brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco

"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."

Grim_Traveller
on 5/20/15 6:31 pm
RNY on 08/21/12

Laura wrote almost exactly what I was going to. I have NO idea if this is what is going on in your case, but I have seen it happen. Sometimes ALL we talk about is surgery, food, eating, weight loss. We can annoy the holy living crap out of people, and they don't want to be around us. 

IF, IF this could be an issue for someone, talk about stuff here, with support groups, or a therapist, and leave your poor friends and family alone.

 

6'3" tall, male.

Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.

M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.

phibbmom
on 5/20/15 7:19 pm

I do . . . totally guilty!  I try to catch myself because I know not everyone is living my life with me, but I am sure that I run on.  I haven't posted many weight loss pics.  I actually just use my phone and text to my sis my side by sides.  This is a very good point though.  Maybe it's a combination of not wanting to be a bad influence and not wanting to hear me ramble.  Thanks!

    

High: 295  Pre-surgery: 267  Current: 142   RNY: 10/7/14

(deactivated member)
on 5/21/15 1:22 pm

I am guilty of talking about it all the time sometimes. I am self-absorbed sometimes and I don't even realize I am doing it. I have pulled away from some friend because they were just eating and drinking buddies. 

 

selhard
on 5/20/15 7:04 pm - MN
RNY on 11/26/12

Here's another possible idea for you:  Adjusting to change can be harder for some more so than others.  Processing the change and wondering whether s/he fits in to that change might be what's going on.  (a weak example-- my DD's were quiet and standoffish the first 18 months as I drastically changed right before their eyes.  They said it was like losing the only mother they ever knew).

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