Got My Date, Then I got scared

I have been on this site January 2015, when I began my journey. Last week my Doctor office scheduled my surgery for 04/29/15. I am still 7lbs from goal weight for surgery, but believe I will be there by the time I have to go. But last week I had a moment where I freaked out about the surgery and dying. That I was changing my body and wouldn't be here for my 4 boys and husband.

What so crazy is that I have had 5 C-sections and tonsils removed and never felt this way. I almost wanted to cancel. Then I came back to reality and know that I will not let fear rult me and that all this work is to get rid of my diabetes and high blood pressure. I just wanted to get this off my chest, as I know I am not the only one who might have felt the way. Sending Blessings to everyone, no matter where you are at in this journey.   

I know how you feel, I just set my date for April 28th this morning, but I had a couple of days last week when I was questioning myself about doing this.  I got too caught up in reading and watching stuff on the internet that focused on the bad things that could happen instead of thinking about all the good that will come of it.  I told my surgeon today that I had had some anxiety last week and needed to stop watching the "post-op horror stories" on the internet.  He gave me a big hug and said that he had never had a patient with a horror story and I wasn't going to be his first!  Made me smile and feel better.

Best wishes to you, we'll have to keep up with each other and cheer each other on along the way!

Thanks for the post and good words.

I felt like you. Now I am 4 weeks out and so glad I had it done. Best decision. I never knew how much I am literally not hungry! It is a blessing to be able to have this surgery. Best of luck!

You aren't alone.  

I actually wrote "just in case" letters to my son and husband.

It took a lot of courage to go through with this live-saving change.  I will let you know that I was an insulin dependent diabetic, had high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and fatty liver before surgery.  All of those things have been resolved with weight loss.  

You've a lot to look forward to.  Having surgery was the best thing I have ever done for my son and husband -- and for me.

My date is 4/6 but my insurance company has still not approved yet.  Somehow that made things not "sink in" until yesterday.  My surgeons office called to schedule my admission tests and blood work; they are preparing to do a peer to peer review to ensure my case is reviewed and are reasonably confident I will be approved.  So now it feels real. And today, I started thinking of things like my will, my health care proxy, who will inherit my "good jewelry."  I was making myself crazy! 

But here is the thing:  I have already stopped really living my life to the fullest because my obesity has limited the things I can do and enjoy.  It has made a real and substantial reduction in my health and in the quality of my life.  Odds are, my life will end much sooner than it would after I get this weight off and learn to manage my weight and fitness.  I owe it to myself and to everyone I love to get and stay healthy.  I owe it to myself and to everyone I love to live life to the fullest. In my case, it means I am turning to my personal last choice of surgery. It is a choice I made after very careful and serious deliberation, so it's not surprising that I am suddenly feeling the gravity of that choice.  

So I stepped back, took a big deep breath, exhaled... Made myself a cup of chamomile tea... And came online to psych myself up by reading some inspiring stories and look at some before and afters.  How wonderful that I found these posts!  Makes me realize I am definitely not alone! 

Sending blessings right back to you!  I hope you realize what a great and brave choice you've made for your husband and your boys... And for yourself.  

Christine

I knew I was not the only one to feel that. The mind is something else, but onward and forward. 

Blessings to you too! You will do fantastic. I am 54 years old. Had my surgery 3/10/15. I guess I am an exception to the rule. I was not scared or nervous about my surgery. I was like lets get this show on the road. I have had a C-section, hysterectomy and back surgery in the past...so it really did not worry me. I had faith it would all be fine. This was something I have wanted so long and when I finally got the insurance that would pay for it, I was not going to let it slip through my hands.

I can say with even just being 2 weeks out, I am so happy I had this. Of course first couple of days I was in some pain, very sleepy, wanted to sleep more than any thing. I only stayed in hospital for 1 night. First week home was basically, up walk, drink and sleep. But week two I started staying up more and energy levels started coming back up. I am now starting day 3 back to work.

Best of wishes to you, I'm sure things will go fine for you.