OT...but please please help me I need advice, im crumbling

 You'll never be able to mold him into the man that you need.  How many broken promises are you expected to live through.  You need to take care of yourself first, even if that means that you have to eliminate this person from your life.  After 7 years of taking care of him, you most likely feel very comfortable with him, which makes leaving difficult and painful, but I think you need to move on with your life.

Amy, I will answer this as if you were one of my own daughters.

RUN.

RUN NOW AND RUN FAST AND RUN FAR FROM THIS GUY.

How will he make it financially? The same way that other adult men make it financially.

You describe your own feelings as resentful and being unable to breathe. You describe your relationship as "like his mom", devoid of physical attraction, and as one that is based on his dependency on you - not based on a healthy, mutual love and respect.

This is a man who does not work. This is a man who does not keep his promises. This is a man who is not able to stand on his own two feet. This is a man who is legally still married and expecting YOU to pay for HIS divorce.

My dear, don't pay another dime to his attorney.

What you see now - during this phase that I guess is still "courtship" - is the BEST you will ever see in this guy. If he were divorced tomorrow and you were married - it would be WORSE than what you see today, NOT better.

You have made a wise move in getting out of the apartment and going back to your mom's. If you pay half the rent, ,pay it directly to the landlord. Is his name on the lease too? If he does not pay rent, check to see if you can be held responsible for the whole amount. Honestly, even if you ended up paying until Sept., it would be worth the money to be free of this guy.

Get yourself into some good counseling. You DESERVE a more solid, nuturiing, relationship that will make you feel joyful....not the way you feel today.

It will be hard for a little while - get some good counseling support if you need it - but the world is full of GOOD opportunities and there is no need to be preoccupied by this kind of relationship that drains your energy and your finances!!!!

{{{hugs}}}

Thanks for your advice....I have to say he does work he just doesnt make as much as I do...I know that doesnt change much but I wouldnt be around if he had no job....I think

Well said!

 You got some good advice.  This is an adult.  It is not your responsibility to support him.  He has notice of your intentions.  He can either grow up and get a job or more likely go running back to his wife, if she will have him, or find another woman with low self esteem that is so afraid of being alone that she will put aside her self respect to keep a man in her life.  Sorry to be blunt.  I have been there, too.  You can do fine on your own.  You don't need a man.  He is like an anchor, dragging you down.
I do want to add one thing.  I learned the hard way that it is never a good idea to try to change another person.  If you want a guy that doesn't smoke don't go out with a smoker and demand he quit.  If you don't want a guy that is overweight, don't go out with overweight guys expecting them to lose weight for you.  Take the whole package.  If he doesn't have a job and you know this going in then don't think that your love will magically give him the ability to get a job.  Find a guy that has all the qualities  you like instead of trying to make over someone because they have "potential".  If you feel the good outweighs the bad, that is fine, but then keep your mouth shut about his faults because you knew them, or should have known them going in.  They are his problems and if he wants to work on them that is his choice, not yours.  The best gift you can give your mate is to accept them as they are, not as you want them to be.  Believe me, I've been there and done that.  Those do it yourself projects are never worth it and they never change.

Two part answer.
Landlord here. Who's name is on the lease? Because whoever is legally responsible for that place is going to have to pay for all the damages he is going to cause between now and then in retaliation. If he does not pay his half of the rent, your landlord will come after you during an eviction, too.
That goes on your credit report. It goes into national eviction databases that good landlords always use. Most won't rent to someone with a judgment against them from another landlord or even someone who a landlord had to file against even if it didn't go to court. Then let the wage garnishment begin! That goes on your credit report, too. You are collectible, he is not.
He did not love you enough to divorce her. Like Ann Landers used to say, what makes you think he would'nt lerave you, too.
You are his meal ticket. He loves your money, not you. Otherwise he would care to provide for your financial needs as well as your emotional and spiritual needs. It is all an act.
Do not feel guilty about what happens to him financially. His wife can always take him back. You are not a charity.

We are both on the lease....but I assure you he would never damage anything...I know my relationship is messed up but he is not with me for my money, Im not rich I just make more then him because my job requires 55 hours a week.  Im not trying to defend him but its just hard not to care about someone youve been with for so long.  Im concerned he may hurt himself the most when he accepts that it is over

Not sure what you mean by "he may hurt himself the most," but this is clear: The only thing that will hurt this guy is the momentary realization that his meal ticket is gone.

Underemployed is not terribly different from unemployed.

And yes, you may be "sure he loves you." But this is why you need some time and space away from this. Love does not look like the picture you have painted here. You are getting very sound advice from a group of men and women who have been around the block a time or two. Please listen.

Oh honey. You said yourself there is no sex. It's like you are his mother.

Of course he doesn't want you to go. And obviously not because of the sizzling love relationship you have. He doesn't want you to go because you are supporting him and paying for his divorce.

Please don't let your guilt over breaking his heart stop you from moving on. If he cared as much about you as you do over breaking HIS heart, you wouldn't be in this position. He would have stepped up. But he didn't. So why are you questioning yourself?

I know you have a long history with him, but you need to make it just that. HISTORY.

God luck to you! Think about all the weight you've lost and how losing another 200-ish pounds would make you feel so much lighter!

Be prepared for this backlash though.. like Tazz said... these personality types are very, very good at one thing... finding someone to taks care of them. BE PREPARED for him to get immediately involved with someone else once he is clear that you are moving forward.