Going off the deep end....

jfaria
on 7/14/05 8:06 am - West Warwick, RI

Okay friends, I need some help. I try my best to be positive and uplifting to others, but I have to tell you, I am so not there right now. When I started this process, I would have given my left arm to be able to fit into a size 18. Well, you know what - I am in an 18 now and all I can say is "so what"? I am almost 11 months out and still wait for the day I will get the approval to have the surgery. Honestly, some days I really do forget that I've had the surgery. The entire process was so easy for me that it really has been anticlimactic. I think I had myself so psyched up for "the big event" that I feel let down because I've adjusted so well. I know that this sounds very negative, but it's the truth. Just when I start feeling good about myself, something destroys it. I want to be one of those "WOW" people on the before & after pictures. When I look at my before & after pics - it's not WOW, it's more like "Well..." Of course, if I read one more profile of someone who was "sooo fat", "sooo disgusting", "couldn't be seen in public" and weighed 250 lbs. when they had the surgery I am going to kill someone!! I know we shouldn't judge and I'm not striking out against them personally, but come on now!

I was just beginning to celebrate that I am finally under the 250 pound mark and these people talk about it like it's the worst thing in the world. If that doesn't crush your enthusiasm, I don't know what else will. Realistically I know that I have accomplished a lot and should be very happy. I am no where near where I had hoped to be at 11 months out, but less is a good thing, right? So why to I feel so completely frustrated?? Please tell me if any of you have gone through this, because I feel like I am losing my mind. And yes, I am eating right, exercising (cardio & the plan a personal trainer developed for me), drinking my water, taking my vitamins, etc. That isn't it at all. Thanks for listening! Jen

Susan L.
on 7/14/05 12:46 pm - Warwick, RI

Jen, I know I'm not at all qualified to speak, seeing I am still Pre-op but I think that you look fantastic from what I've seen on your profile. It sounds like your expectations were very realistic at first and now have you discouraged. Is it possible you could be suffering from depression? It's quite common from what I hear after WLS. Please don't let other people get to you, you have come so far. If this sounds too preachy or something, please forgive me... I just read your post and I felt your disappointment even though I have not been through it. Take Care, hope you work through it. Susan L.

lisa20
on 7/14/05 11:20 pm - attleboro, ma

RNY on 03/19/04

Hi Jen, Before surgery I also thought I would be happy if "I could just fit into a size 18" or "If I could just fit comfortably in a movie theatre seat" etc. We all have expectations but I think it all comes down to...we all want to be perfect. Even thin people are not happy with themselves, there is always something holding them back from that "perfection". I always read profiles pre-op and was like "I can't believe these people are complaining about their extra skin, they should just be happy they lost the weight"! Now I am one of those people. I am pretty happy at 180 pounds but I am finding it hard to get past the extra skin thing! I thought you were beautiful before your surgery and even more striking now, stop beating yourself up! We are not perfect and maybe someday we'll realize that! But we are healthy! Best wishes to you Jen!! Lisa

Kellie Armstrong
on 7/15/05 11:45 pm - Providence, RI

RNY on 07/05/05

Jen, You are doing great. I know you are fustrated right now, but just think what was going on in your life a year ago: how you felt physically and emotionally. You have been a wonderful insirpation

for me personally as well as others. I am so proud you and of all the accomplishments you have completed

. I am sure that what ever is going on with you right now will pass, but if it doesn't please feel free to call me and we will go have a cup of tea or something to talk and hang out for a while. You have had so many changes in the last year, please take the time to pat yourself on your back and do a HAPPY DANCE

to celebrate all of your victories and know you are a beauitfull and wonderfull

intelligent and talented woman. hugssss

kellie

NaDene
on 7/18/05 3:15 pm - East Providence, RI

RNY on 06/27/06

"if I read one more profile of someone who was "sooo fat", "sooo disgusting", "couldn't be seen in public" and weighed 250 lbs. when they had the surgery I am going to kill someone!! I know we shouldn't judge and I'm not striking out against them personally, but come on now! I was just beginning to celebrate that I am finally under the 250 pound mark and these people talk about it like it's the worst thing in the world. If that doesn't crush your enthusiasm, I don't know what else will." Ya know it's comments like this that keeps people like me a light weight, from looking into this process in the first place! Maybe had you taken steps earlier, before you got to the weight you were at that pushed you to your decision in getting your surgery. You may be happier with the results you're getting. Yes people like me may weigh less but we hurt the same. Physically and mentally. Right now I am 5'4 and 235 and on my way down the road of my own journey. To someone else, like yourself you may think 235 is just wonderful why change it? Well when your back aches, knees crunch when you walk, constant short of breath and you can't stand your own reflection in a plate glass window as you walk by, almost not even recognizing yourself life basically becomes a series of irrelevant motions. Do I need to wait till I turn into my aunt, my mother or my grandmother? You can't run form your families' genes. I've tried diets as we all have and failed over and over just to gain more weight then get more depressed and eat more and gain more weight. And exercise really isn't all that easy with back and knee issues. I deserve to be happy just as you do. And just so you know my husband is 6'5 and 450lbs. He was at 525 when he went to see Dr. Phole in December and was told he had to lose 100 lbs before the Dr would even think of doing his surgery. He came down with a massive staph infection in late January that traveled to his heart and had to have open heart surgery. He was in the hospital for about two months and went down to 425. He is no longer a candidate for the surgery due to his replacement valve and the cumiden he's on. He now has to struggle everyday for the rest of his life with his weight knowing there is a "tool" out there but unfortunaly he can't use it. My husbands only 33...... So when you're feeling bad that you're only in a size 18... And angry at people like me... Remember their are others who would love to be where you are....

champagne3456
on 7/18/05 10:12 pm - Lincoln, RI

RNY on 08/26/03

Jen, I know it may hurt to hear what Nadene is saying, but she's right. I can also understand your frustration. I went from a size 24 to a size 8 and will be two years post op next month. I still complain about my skin and the fact that I don't feel like I optimized having this surgery. If I did, I would be trim and able to wear anything. At a size 8, I am still weary about wearing a skirt because my legs are still so heavy and loaded with sagging skin. I've even had people make fun of them behind my back. You can imagine how I felt when I found this out. I thought, "if only they knew I used to weigh 266 lbs. and how hard I worked to get here. And they still make fun of me!" It hurt like hell! We will never be completely satisfied with ourselves until society lets go of these ideals. That isn't going to happen anytime soon, so you'll have to learn to appreciate what you have and the opportunity you've been given.

Kristen J.
on 7/21/05 6:29 am - Warwick, RI

Hi Nadene, First, I understand where you are coming from. I am one year post-op and so glad to be under the 250 mark, it took me more than 140# to get here. I am grateful to have my health coming back and to be able to be more comfortable in my own skin. Regardless of how we lose weight, it is a journey and a struggle. I am pleased with the way I look, and that is how I look at it. Each person is different though. Although some may see me as disgusting and horrible at this weight, frankly, that is not MY issue, it is theirs. The way some people see themselves will never be good enough, and I feel badly for them. Those are the people who will never be happy inside. It strikes me as sad. Another point I would like to make is that 250 pounds on someone who is 5 feet tall or less looks a lot different that someone who is taller. So the "disgusting" part that they see on their bodies maybe due to height, not the number. 250 pounds on five foot ten and four foot ten appears and feels very different. I think we all spend too much time trying to find an arbitrary number that will be the "right" one. As we get healthier, we build more muscle, which weighs more than fat, sooo.. we many not like the number, but we are healthier. Best wishes for continued success on YOUR journey, don't take others' comments to heart: If they are trying to hurt you, and you allow it, they win. You're better than that. Be well. Kristen