Advice....

Hi all, It's been a week and 1 day since I had surgery. I have been up and down with emotions. One day I feel great and I can see the weight loss in my legs and my face. The next day I feel like screaming because I've altered my body like this and I feel so alone! My boyfriend and teenage daughter have been a bit "upside down" too. They both tell me that they don't feel comfortable eating in front of me. What do I say? I feel bad for them but at the same time, I'm thinking to myself....that's something that they have to get over! At the same time, I'm having a hard time with the feeling of being displaced. Dinner time was always our time to cook together, have a glass of wine while we talked about our day. And now thats gone. My daughter either says that she doesn't want to eat dinner and she snacks on crappy food or when my boyfriend cooks, she brings it upstairs to her room to eat. My boyfriend hates eating by himself. It's to the point that I want to just start cooking for them again but I don't feel strong enough (emotionally) to cook the way I use to. I had an awful time grocery shopping yesterday because I didn't want to buy anything for them! Has anyone else been through this? Got any advice on how to deal with it? I miss the interaction that we use to have. I forgot how much food was a social aspect in my life! Thanks for listening... Megan B

Megan Hi. I soooo hear you... Food is what we've made the "fabric of our lives from". Now, as new post-ops we must change all that. Right now it is harder because you don't feel well physically or emotionally. It does get easier. I promise. I remember when I first came home our family mealtimes I spent lying on the couch crying. Hating myself for making the wls decision & having no one else to blame. Just the smell of food summoned up all kinds of negative emotions. I was nauseous, uncomfortable, jealous, angry & even resentful. All over a meal!!! Then afterwards I would feel guilty because I felt these awful things... Day by day, I began to realize that I needed to "adjust MY attitude". My family needed to eat & I needed to "re-learn" how to eat. Slowly, I started to join them at the dinner table. I was eating differently from them but at least we were eating together. As my diet progressed I was eating some of the same things , maybe pureed or mashed. I started to enjoy the time that I was with them , not what we were eating. Now, it's been 5 months & I am eating almost all the same things just in much smaller amounts. I focus on the family, not the food. It is a newly emerging "behavior" , one that will take many years to practice. If we are to succeed at this battle we need to practice new skills & behaviors. It has to be a life long commitment to better choices. Some days will be easier than others. I'm not saying I have it down because I don't. I'm just taking it "one day at a time". I think that you will be fine too. I wish you success & good health... Marianne F.

Thanks Marianne... I guess I just need to let go of a lot of this stuff. I can't help but think that I am the reason why my family isn't eating together anymore! For instance.....I called my boyfriend at work tonight and he asked me if my daughter was going to eat dinner with him tonight and I asked my daughter....she said no. So then he told me that he was going to grab something to eat on the way home from work! It sort of pissed me off because I don't see either one of them trying! But, at the same time, I know they're doing this so I'll be more comfortable. I totally agree with you though. I have to adjust my attitude in order to maintain my health. Things are rough right now because I'm still on protein shakes and cottage cheese. Maybe things will get better in a few months. Thank you so much for responding. It was very helpful! Megan B

Hi Megan, Firstly congratulations on your surgery !!! I wanted to respond because I want you to know that what you are going through right now is something I went through myself. When I first had my surgery, I was on the almighty protein shakes and chicken broth, plus my lovely antibiotics. About a couple of days post op, I had a major crying meltdown. Basically it attributed to the fact that every commercial on was a food commercial, the smell of cooking in the air made me really hate the shakes, and I could no longer participate in family eating time. What I had to do, and trust me this was hard at first, was to sit at the table during dinner time, shake or chicken broth in hand, and eat with the rest of the crew. I had to remember that the true reason I was at the table was for socialization purposes. One of my friends told me this, and I don't know if it will help but she said, 'Food is for nourishment only, for vitamins, and energy, it is not for pleasure, and it is not for enjoyment, think back to the cavemen who did not have Hollandaise sauce etc etc'. That comment stuck in my head and has helped me to remember that even when I want to scoff down a full bag a Doritos (which would make me vomit anyway, lol), it's only for the taste I want it not the nourishment. So now I make everything I put in my mouth count !!! Now as far as the beau and your daughter, try to see if they will go with that suggestion. They are probably afraid to cause you harm or confused in their new role with you too..I know my former role was finishing what everyone else couldn't finish on their plate, or being the actual decent cook. Or perhaps, plan another time or activity where you can all bond together.And if they want to eat in their rooms or eat out for now then so be it. I am going to go through this again (as will most on here) in two weeks,I come from a big Portuguese family with a huge Thanksgiving dinner. When they see the amount I eat it will become absolutely unacceptable to them, I almost dread going. I did a lot of rambling, I just want you to know that eventually, things will get better, and when you start to be able to eat more you will feel better yourself, and hopefully in the meantime your family will find ways to be together without the focus of food being there. Youre in my thoughts and prayers, Stephanie