I think he wants me to stay fat

I've been talking about nothing but this surgery for some time now....but now that I've really started the process, I'm even worse. I have the BEST significant other anyone could ask for.........but I think he's not behind this at all. He keeps telling me he loves me the way I am. I'm 41, he's 36......I've always been heavy since he met me.......but have gained almost 80 pounds since meeting 6 years ago. We've lived together all this time and he's never complained about my weight. It's always me who's unhappy about it. I thought he would be delighted at my decision, but I'm not getting that feeling. I have some preliminary consultations and he's made a business trip that takes him away next week during these appointments. I just don't get it. And the other night we went out for dinner and I was describing how "little" I would be eating after the surgery.....and his only comment was....."WOW...are you gonna be a b*tch!" Of course, he said that smiling and would NEVER hurt my feelings......BUT......I don't find that to be supportive at all. I've had suffocated feelings before, but now I'm very upset that this could be another obstacle in our relationship.....and it's serious. I'm not going to waste my life again, making others happy while I'm so unhappy all the time......I did that through my first marriage. Although we are not married, we've been together for 6 years and that's tough to change. But I'm moving forward......alone, if need be. It's just sad. But I'm still smiling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I WANT to be healthy and happy again. I will not be deterred from my decision. Thanks for listening. Just wanted to vent somewhere where people might understand. {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}} Shelli

Hey Shelli, I'm not sure if you had said you had already attended the seminar for WLS already, I was thinking maybe to bring him along with you. He may have fears about it due to his not being knowledgable as to what's involved. Also maybe he feels a little threatened about the fact that your taking control of your health and that your appearance is going to change. I can tell you, I am post op 4 weeks, and I have lost 17 pounds to date. Although I still have a ways to go, it's starting to show and I am getting many positive comments from all people. My husband, who was supportive through all of this, I have to say is getting a little testy. I also notice that when preparing meals he reverts back to the way I used to eat, and I tell him "I can't eat that", but he'll say yes you can or try to finish as much as you can. I firmly believe that you have to do what you feel is best for you. My family wasn't thrilled about my initial decision because they weren't educated enough about it. I had to pick and choose who I told, because some people were going to be negative anyway. But you are right in that you need to be happy with yourself. Maybe if he sees some positive stories about WLS successes it will help soften him a bit. I think by reading other people's stories as well as going to a message board that specifically deals with they type of surgery you are thinking of having, you will see this is common (you know which people to avoid now anyway ). I do wish you all the best, and vent away. This is a life altering moment and it is a positive one. I will keep you in my thoughts that everything works itsself out. Hugs to you, Stephanie

Here's what I think. You said that he met you when you were heavy. Even though you've gain some since you've been together it seems he doesn't really know you any other way. I am sure that he loves you a lot but it may just be his own insecurities. Maybe inside he thinks that if you loose the weight you may find someone new. After all you did meet him while you were heavy. He may think that once you loose the weight your going to change and want to do things you don't do now. He may just need someone else to talk to. Maybe a support group for people dealing with their mates weight loss. Or maybe you could sit down with him and ask him how he feels? Listen to his issues and try and ease his mind. You know how much you love him. I am sure you know you will stay with him even after you've reached your weight loss goal. You just need to let him know. My husband has been very supportive too. Sometimes he says that I might wanna find someone knew. He kids around but inside I think he is a little scared. I just try and remind him that I love him and this is for us. Shannon