The decision has been made...

 My name is Deborah Jean, I am 27 years old and I live in Westerly, RI. I have a 2 year old daughter and I am in college earning an associates in graphic arts. Right now I am pushing 400 lbs and I find myself absolutely disgusting. I have spent months with my primary care physician, nutritionist and therapist trying to diet and I have failed every attempt. Every single one. Last night I went to the store to buy pants because nothing I have fits me anymore. I had to special order size 32. I saw myself in a full length mirror in underwear and almost vomited. I cried for hours. Today I met with my nutritionist and cried my eyes out the entire appointment. I had never broken down like this in her office. I have been trying to avoid bypass surgery since this whole weight loss venture started. It scares me. I am afraid I may look worse after surgery. All I have had are bad experiences with bypass. My mother had it done where the cut her from navel to chest. She got a bad infection and was immobile while she was healing. This caused her to be sick for a long time and she picked up her poor eating habits rather quickly after she had healed. Right before her surgery though she did have a hysterectomy, so this could contribute. My sister who is 3 years my junior had the surgery as well. She has injured her leg severely and had to have knee surgery. The doctor's told her she had to lose 100 lbs or the knee surgery would be worthless. There was a small window in which the knee surgery could be done before the damage to her leg would be irreversible. So the doctor ordered gastric bypass. So with the 2 surgeries literally back to back she was also immobile. She did lose a substantial amount of weight, but she did not exercise or attempt to better her body physically. She is now malnourished because she does not eat properly. But at least she can walk again right? The final horrible experience I had with the surgery was with my biological father. He and I are estranged. He lived on the opposite side of the country. In late September he died in the hospital 3 days after is bypass surgery. With all these experiences I have had I am terrified. What if I fail again? What then? What if I die? These questions linger but I know in the end it is the best choice. I can't live like this anymore. It kills me. I long for a better life. Better health. I want to be as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside. Being fat my entire life has given me the opportunity to develop a great personality. If you aren't much to look at you have to shine some way. Most people in my life are supportive of my choice, but there are some that have been quite rude and unsupportive of this decision. This is my choice, my body, my life. I want to be happy, and I can't be happy living in this body.

Hi, I just read your story I feel your pain I've been overweight my entire life, the ups and downs with the scale really sucks!! I Just had my surgery done Wednesday the 25Th, yes I was really nervous at first but I think I made the right choice. I am a widowed mother of two girls 17 and 12 so not only did I make the choice for myself i also did it for them I wanted to see them graduate and see what life has to offer them. I think you will make the right decision, maybe you should go to a few support groups that will put your mind at ease they are very help full. your doctor will all so go over everything with you, I do have to admit I had the same fear what if I die, but after I went to my doctor she put me at ease. I hope this was help full to you and if you wanna talk or have any questions feel free to message me. good luck talk to you soon!!