Another MIA post...... (long)

Hi Everyone. Sue's post inspired me to write one of my own. I'm coming up on my 2 year surgiversary so I thought I'd check in. I've been away from posting and attending meetings for a while, but I do read the boards often.

This journey, while it's been a good one, has had its fair share of struggles and let me just say, I've been struggling. When I start having a hard time with things, I pull away completely, hence why I haven't been to any meetings or been posting on the boards. I know that it's not the right thing to do but it is what it is. I've lost touch with mostly everyone on here and I miss you all - you are my friends and I'm sorry. I'm trying to pull through this but it's really hard. I feel like right now I just want to eat what I want and it's showing. I think I've gained about 7-10 lbs and I'm really upset about that. I'm having a hard time making the right choices. I feel like I've gotten SO off track that I don't know how to start over. I haven't been weighing myself which is one of many issues. I've stopped exercising and I'm not taking my vitamins. I haven't been counting calories/protein/carbs...anything.

I have an appointment today with Dr Giovanni for my 2 year follow up and needless to say I'm scared out of my mind. I don't even want to see the number on the scale and I don't know how I'll feel if it's more than what I think. I don't know what to say about my lack of progress. I have no defense. I've been holding my feeling of failure in for a while and I feel better as I'm typing this but again, I don't know how to start over. I don't want to disappoint anyone, especially myself and that's the point where I am.

I'm going to start coming back to the meetings - it's at the point now where it's awkward after being away for so long - I'll need your support to hold me accountable to be there... I appreciate your unwavering support - any suggestions, advice, support you can offer, I'll take it.

Thanks for listening, hope to see you soon.

OOOHHH LB you are not alone!!! I have the same exact houghts and feellings and I have not een to a meeting since June/July??? Let me know the what meeting your going to and we can both feel awarkward walking back in!! Oh how I wish they had done surgury on my brain along with my stomach!!  This journey is soooooo hard!!
Juts wanted you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE  :)

Thanks Jaime - I'm planning on going to Julie's group on this month's 3rd Wednesday and then to the Roger Williams group on the 4th Thursday...

Thanks for the support, I saw Dr Giovanni today and I've gained 7 lbs... she wasnt disappointed, we had a long talk and I'm going back to basics, I see her in 3 months just to follow up and she told me the same thing... "You arent alone"

Hello Lovely Laura,

I've missed you so much!

I'm not gonna give you a swift kick in the arse! You're already doing that yourself!

However, I will tell you that a majority of us tend to reach our lowest weight then gain about 10% back somewhere around the two-year mark! It's kind of a natural ebb and flow of our bodies after losing a significant amount of weight in such a short period of time.

That said, I do know that I will definintely freak out when I hit that stage myself. And I know you will be there/here for me to help support and guide me to a point where I can still consider myself okay.

I'm so glad you saw Dr. G today! She's such a wonderful person! And a fantastic surgeon *****ally cares about her patients.

Now, you KNOW what needs to be done if you want to see a change in your weight. It's just actually doing it that's the clincher! I'm here for you! Day and night...night and day. You just made the first step by reaching out!

Thank you for being human...you're still my Angel! I've learned so much from you and now I'm learning humility as well. Where would I be without you?

BTW...YOU are our greeter at the October Living Life Group Meeting on October 21st!

And Jaime, you are going to be there to help set out the clothes for our clothing exchange!

How's the for support in accountability!

Call me, either of you, any time. I'll save the kicks in the arses for another time.

Love you both!

Jules

Thanks Julie - I know that I havent been around for a while and again, I'm sorry. Like I said before, I just pull away and that's something I'm trying to change. I'll be there on the 21st... 2 days before my 2 year mark. Thanks for the accoutability - I need that.

Miss you too!

OK OK OK   I will be there too...It's on my calender...I really wanted to go last night..guess not enough!! I will be there.
Thanks for the kick

 Thank you for sharing where you are at.  I have een so concerned about you and had been hoping that all was well and that you were just caught up in living life.  I feel your pain, that is my biggest concern in this whole process ...falling off track and not being successful.  I think you are doing the right things though and reaching out, utilizing the support network and getting back to the basics.  I can only imagine what it must be like at 2 years out since I already have those day's where I just want to "live normally"  Fortunate for me I still have the RNY working for me an objecting to certain foods which really helps to curb those urges and makes me think twice.  I can imagine it would be a whole lot easier to make mistakes if I did not have that constant threat of illness from my trigger foods.  

I applaud your efforts to put yourself out there and get on track for yourself.  I look forward to seeing you next week.  Hang in and PM me if there is anything I can do for you!  You have been a great source of support for me as well so let me know if I can return the favor.  

Thanks Cynthia - it really took me a long time to reach out and let everyone know what was going on... I feel a sense of humbleness about it because it's really hard to admit you are struggling with something that so many people think should be easy... if they only knew.

It definitely does get harder but we'll all get through it I'm sure.

See you soon!

 I am so proud of you for putting your pride aside and going after what you need.  Our brains and our pride is one of the big battles we have in this journey.  We just need to grant ourselves some slack as our behaviors are going to take time and patience/persistence to change.  You have the right frame to make the changes you want.  I am here for you girl!

I knew there was a reason that I came back to this site!!! Laura, You have been an inspiration to me ever since I met you, and found out we had the same insurance, AND the same doctor, AND we got approved around the same time, AND Had our surgeries a week a part!!! I'm in the same boat as you darling, and will probably see you soon at meetings!!!! I can relate to the awkwardness of the meetings. But, Hang in there, and the great thing about "tomorrow" is it's a new day!! You can do this, WE can do this!!!! I miss you!