Has this ever happened to you

My friend of 20 years calls me today to tell me that she thinks that if I have this surgery it will change our friendship. She is also overweight but she isn't ready to take the step and she feels like she is gonna be "left behind"  I still need her no matter what size I am. I thought that maybe we could do this and help eachother but she isn't ready. I am!  I don't want to lose her, has anyone had a similar situation? Any advice would be great. I know your eating habits and lifestyle have to change but doeas that mean your relationships have to change too?

Tiffany

I have heard that scenario many times from many different people since I started this journey.  For some it even affects their marriage.  I have no similar story of my own to share.  Just know that you cannot put your life on hold to accomodate everyone around you.  You are doing this for yourself and if she cannot be with you for the ride then she is not as great a friend as you thought. 

Tell her that you value her as a person, no matter what weight she is at.  You need her friendship and want her to be there for you.  She might become jealous - maybe that is her fear.  Or she might be intrigued and decide that if you can do it so can she.  I wish you the best!

Hey Tif,

Sorry it's taken me a couple days to comment on your post.

It's a tough subject for me because I have actually 'lost' a friend since my WLS. She just can't deal with it.

I think it causes her to look at herself more. She was used to me being more needy too. And always at her beck 'n call. Since I started looking into WLS and became active in the bariatric community, she has become angry at me even though I've done all I can to make her part of this new life outside my home and family. She just can't get used to that.

I'm hoping that some day she will come around. Or, at least, we can get through this together. I would love to share with her all that I have gained and all the wonderful new friends I have. I miss her very much.

All I can say is, talk to her. Tell her about your fears. Let her know how much she means to you. This is scary for her too.

I had heard about this happening but didn't realize it could happen to my friend and me. I don't think I was leaving her behind. Perhaps she just stepped back on her own and was afraid to come forward again?

Well, I hope you have a better outcome than I did.

Talk to you soon!

Jules