Teaching kids to love their bodies.....
I read a post yesterday on a blog that talked about how the author doesn't want her daughter to grow up overweight, or feeling self concious about herself or her weight. She wonders how to instill this confidence in her, and how to teach her healthy habits after struggling with her own weight all her life (see is a successful WLS patient).
I'm glad she posted this because this is a something that I wonder about myself - a LOT. I grew up always feeling self concious about my weight, never feeling "pretty" or "skinny" or even "worthy" of things because of my weight. I can't remember a time in my life when my weight wasn't an issue for me in one way or another. And that's sad. To think that I have wasted SO much time in my life stressing about something that is so, well, superficial. As I get older I definitely learn more and more how ridiculous it is to let what you weigh rule your life, but it is something I still struggle with now, 35 years later. Heck, I am on the road to Gastric Bypass Surgery, so obviously I still consider this something important enough to have major surgery over!
Anyway, back to my girls. If asked, I'm sure most parents would say that the only thing they want for their kids is to be happy. I do too, but for me I want 2 things for my girls - to be happy and to feel good about themselves. I have always marveled at people who grow up with a very strong sense of self. Who have that "screw everyone else if they don't like me" attitude. Who are comfortable with their bodies at whatever weight they are and who don't let that number dictate how they live, or don't live, their lives. I want that SO badly for my girls and I am constantly searching out how I help to instill it in them.
I definitely do understand that it begins with my husband and I as role models. It's part of the reason I am having surgery and making all these lifestyle changes - to not only become healthy myself, but to be a better role model for my girls. I do worry sometimes however that they will think that they can do whatever they want, and just "fix it" with surgery if it ever comes to that. I don't ever want them to think that this is the "easy" way out like some others think.
So anyway, I am babbling. Sorry to be so long winded, but the point of all of this is I still don't know the answers and I wish I did. How do I instill a strong sense of self in my girls? How do I teach them to watch what they eat and to be healthy, but still not define themselves by how much they weigh? And what is that "secret" that those very self confident people know that I don't?????
I'm glad she posted this because this is a something that I wonder about myself - a LOT. I grew up always feeling self concious about my weight, never feeling "pretty" or "skinny" or even "worthy" of things because of my weight. I can't remember a time in my life when my weight wasn't an issue for me in one way or another. And that's sad. To think that I have wasted SO much time in my life stressing about something that is so, well, superficial. As I get older I definitely learn more and more how ridiculous it is to let what you weigh rule your life, but it is something I still struggle with now, 35 years later. Heck, I am on the road to Gastric Bypass Surgery, so obviously I still consider this something important enough to have major surgery over!
Anyway, back to my girls. If asked, I'm sure most parents would say that the only thing they want for their kids is to be happy. I do too, but for me I want 2 things for my girls - to be happy and to feel good about themselves. I have always marveled at people who grow up with a very strong sense of self. Who have that "screw everyone else if they don't like me" attitude. Who are comfortable with their bodies at whatever weight they are and who don't let that number dictate how they live, or don't live, their lives. I want that SO badly for my girls and I am constantly searching out how I help to instill it in them.
I definitely do understand that it begins with my husband and I as role models. It's part of the reason I am having surgery and making all these lifestyle changes - to not only become healthy myself, but to be a better role model for my girls. I do worry sometimes however that they will think that they can do whatever they want, and just "fix it" with surgery if it ever comes to that. I don't ever want them to think that this is the "easy" way out like some others think.
So anyway, I am babbling. Sorry to be so long winded, but the point of all of this is I still don't know the answers and I wish I did. How do I instill a strong sense of self in my girls? How do I teach them to watch what they eat and to be healthy, but still not define themselves by how much they weigh? And what is that "secret" that those very self confident people know that I don't?????
Our future is what we make it. We have to work our own magic to make our life spectacular" - Teresa White
My daughter is stick skinny and I try not to comment about her small size in front of her... I think it can be tough for super skinny girls too! She is only 3.5 so she is pretty young.
She grasped the concept of weight before she knew what fat was. We were shopping a few months ago and she saw a 10 yr old boy and asked me why he looked that way. I was looking at him to see if he had a facial abnormality or something and I was like - looked like what - he looks fine to me and she said " no mom" and waved her hand across her chest, back and forth, and said "why is he wide?" I did not even notice that he was a fat little kid. At that point I just said that there was nothing wrong with him, all people just look different.
Then I started watching Big Medicine and she watched it with me - she said why are those people fat. I told heer that sometimes people have medical conditions and other times they just do not eat healthy. She went on to tel me that you do not talk about people being fat because it would hurt their feelings. She will tell me that "your just fat, right mom? But Auntie Erika is not fta, she is skinny like me" I just tell her that her observation is right, but you do not tell people things like that, because it hurts their feelings.
When I watch Lost she will say, where is the fat guy mom - i like him. Hurley is her favorite character and if he is not on she get mad!
When I told her I would be going to the hospital to have surgery, just like the people people on Big Medicine. She asked why. I told her the doc will fix up my inside to help me lose my big tummy. She said "Why would you want to do that mom?" I told her it was about health, but I was glad that she sees my fat and loves it, because it is part of me.
I think I am more afraid that me doing this openly with her will make her feel like overweight people need to be changed, but I am really going to emphasize it is about getting healthy, not skinny. Of course what everyone sees and will comment on will be my size not my health, so I do not know how well I will succeed at that.
I just tell her everyday, that she is my girl and I love her no matter what she does or looks like. I hope that she will know who she is on the outside does not define her. Of course I am still trying to convince myself of that!
She grasped the concept of weight before she knew what fat was. We were shopping a few months ago and she saw a 10 yr old boy and asked me why he looked that way. I was looking at him to see if he had a facial abnormality or something and I was like - looked like what - he looks fine to me and she said " no mom" and waved her hand across her chest, back and forth, and said "why is he wide?" I did not even notice that he was a fat little kid. At that point I just said that there was nothing wrong with him, all people just look different.
Then I started watching Big Medicine and she watched it with me - she said why are those people fat. I told heer that sometimes people have medical conditions and other times they just do not eat healthy. She went on to tel me that you do not talk about people being fat because it would hurt their feelings. She will tell me that "your just fat, right mom? But Auntie Erika is not fta, she is skinny like me" I just tell her that her observation is right, but you do not tell people things like that, because it hurts their feelings.
When I watch Lost she will say, where is the fat guy mom - i like him. Hurley is her favorite character and if he is not on she get mad!
When I told her I would be going to the hospital to have surgery, just like the people people on Big Medicine. She asked why. I told her the doc will fix up my inside to help me lose my big tummy. She said "Why would you want to do that mom?" I told her it was about health, but I was glad that she sees my fat and loves it, because it is part of me.
I think I am more afraid that me doing this openly with her will make her feel like overweight people need to be changed, but I am really going to emphasize it is about getting healthy, not skinny. Of course what everyone sees and will comment on will be my size not my health, so I do not know how well I will succeed at that.
I just tell her everyday, that she is my girl and I love her no matter what she does or looks like. I hope that she will know who she is on the outside does not define her. Of course I am still trying to convince myself of that!
OMGoodness..I just read what both of you wrote and I'm sitting here in tears.
I had a wonderful childhood, but always felt like you, Liza..like I wasnt good enough because of my weight, Always keeping me from doing something or feeling good about something or WHATEVER...I do remember my grandmother always always always commenting on me being "fat" cuz i was a chubby kid and a fat teen, and am a fat adult. She is 98 and STILL comments on the fact that Im fat. It did..and does make me feel horrible! (altho at this point I'd never tell her that :)
I think just being conscience of the fact of the way we feel, and encouraging our children, whether they are our own or our nieces/nephews or grandkids or our neighbors, that people are different and the reasons for that are..whatever they may be, and that does not make someone less of a person or "bad" in any way.....anyway Now IM babbling..sorry.
Great post Liza - I too had (have) all these questions. Leading up to surgery - I wondered if it was ok to do this when my kids were young - if I was somehow telling this was the cure for obesity and that it was ok for them to be fat because it could be "fixed" later in life with surgery. My son will out and out tell me that I took the "easy way out" and that I didn't "earn" my weight loss like others who diet on their own. I try to remind him that I tried every diet on the face of the earth leading up to this and that this certainly isn't the easy way.
I too grew up overweight - felt like I was never good enough... always the last kid to be picked for the team in middle school. I hate the idea of my kids going through that. My son is 13 almost 14 and in the 8th grade ... he is 5'8" tall and 155 lbs. He's solid as a rock (always has been)... I would never consider him to be fat but he feels he is... tells me he gets picked on at school at times for being fat. Society is so perfect I guess that they can pick on people for this. My daughter is 10 and in the 4th grade - she is quite overweight... wearing size 14+ (remember "pretty plus" from JCP?) I try to limit her snacks and sweets and she fights me every step of the way. She's gone so far as to cry and yell at me that because I had surgery it's not her problem! I have always maintained that I had my surgery to be healthy not skinny and I try to reinforce that with her eating choices - we call them healthy choices.
I guess my biggest problem with my kids is a psych thing - I think that we (I) tend to reward and comfort our kids with snacks - of course the wrong snacks! For instance - just yesterday my son was so sad that he didn't make the baseball team at school. My first thought was - let's take him out to dinner at his fav. restaurant this weekend - which we are going to TGIFridays tonight
. I wish I could think more in the realm of thought that I should take him to the Y for an afternoon of swimming or something for comfort - but it's not the first thing that comes to my mind. With my daughter - I feel like I'm punishing her by not giving her that extra snack during the day that she asks for... how do you stop feeling like this?
OK - was my turn to ramble - any answers out there?
**hugs**
Pam
I too grew up overweight - felt like I was never good enough... always the last kid to be picked for the team in middle school. I hate the idea of my kids going through that. My son is 13 almost 14 and in the 8th grade ... he is 5'8" tall and 155 lbs. He's solid as a rock (always has been)... I would never consider him to be fat but he feels he is... tells me he gets picked on at school at times for being fat. Society is so perfect I guess that they can pick on people for this. My daughter is 10 and in the 4th grade - she is quite overweight... wearing size 14+ (remember "pretty plus" from JCP?) I try to limit her snacks and sweets and she fights me every step of the way. She's gone so far as to cry and yell at me that because I had surgery it's not her problem! I have always maintained that I had my surgery to be healthy not skinny and I try to reinforce that with her eating choices - we call them healthy choices.
I guess my biggest problem with my kids is a psych thing - I think that we (I) tend to reward and comfort our kids with snacks - of course the wrong snacks! For instance - just yesterday my son was so sad that he didn't make the baseball team at school. My first thought was - let's take him out to dinner at his fav. restaurant this weekend - which we are going to TGIFridays tonight
. I wish I could think more in the realm of thought that I should take him to the Y for an afternoon of swimming or something for comfort - but it's not the first thing that comes to my mind. With my daughter - I feel like I'm punishing her by not giving her that extra snack during the day that she asks for... how do you stop feeling like this? OK - was my turn to ramble - any answers out there?
**hugs**
Pam
At Goal - 9/13/08
I don't have any answers, just comments. When I was your daughters age, my mom used to put me on diets. It always made me feel ugly and that she did not love me because I was fat.
Instead of making her feel like she is not eating what she would like, maybe you can make/buy healthier versions of what she does like. Even if it is baked Lays for regular. Frozen yogurt for ice cream. Try doing healthier activities as a family (I know, easier said than done). Encourage her to be her best, regardless of her size.
I think what I am sugesting is what you are already doing. I think she is having a tough time dealing with her body and it is a very sensitive subject. Being a parent is hard.
Instead of making her feel like she is not eating what she would like, maybe you can make/buy healthier versions of what she does like. Even if it is baked Lays for regular. Frozen yogurt for ice cream. Try doing healthier activities as a family (I know, easier said than done). Encourage her to be her best, regardless of her size.
I think what I am sugesting is what you are already doing. I think she is having a tough time dealing with her body and it is a very sensitive subject. Being a parent is hard.
Most Active
Recent Topics
