feeling kinda bla

I got on the scale on Fri  like I always do.  For the 1st time  I didn't loose anything.  I didn't gain but, still didin't loose.  Now I know this might happen but, it is still getting to me.  After I am done with this I am gonna had out with my cane and go for a walk. I would love to go to the gym and work out but they still will not let me because of the hip still healing.   I know I should not let this get to much but, it does.  I am going into  7month in and getting scared that the wt might come back. I am so  scared to go back to that girl I was before the surgery.   I love who I am now.  I feel like I am doing things to hurt who I am now.  Hey Ruth here is your time to yell at me.  Halloween we bought a small bag of candy for the kids  I had told myself I would not touch it. (where is my will power?)   I did had a mini candy bar.  I feel so guilty.  I need to find that will power not to do this.  Just how is killing me.   Ok enough of the boohooo.  I guess I just needed time to vent how I was feeling.  Bad week I guess can only get better I hope.

Love you all
Lisa

Lisa, you had ONE mini candy bar?  I say... CONGRATS and good job!!!  That one little candy bar did not put you over the edge this week.  You are doing great and your method of dealing with your blah feelings is going for a walk which is PERFECT!!!  Don't get down on yourself....you have come so far.  This is a journey...and the path is not a straight line....

Thanks Danielle

 The walk did me good.  A little cold but was a good walk.  My husband went with me for the walk but about 1/2 way he turn around and went home. I was glad because it gave me time to think while I was walking.  Your right I should never let 1 mini candy bar scare me.   And you also right that his is not a straight line for a journey  we will have lots of  turns in our road. guess I just needed to hear someone else tell me this.  This past year has changed my life in such a big way sometime it plays trick with the mind.  Thanks again for the support.

Lisa

Lee Lee!!!

You're doing great! I'm so proud of you! Back in the day, you'd have eaten a WHOLE BAG of candy bars and you know it!

I know several people here who have a little 'treat' now and then! You're fine! Don't beat yourself up!

Think about it. How much have you lost just since your hip surgery???? I remember a time when we would use that as and excuse to sit on our bums and eat all day long and gain, gain, gain.

Give yourself a break!

I love your heart

Jules

Hey Jules,

   I am so glad you are home.  You are so right I would have eaten the whole bag and brought another and ate 1/2 of that. So I should not beat me up  over one.  The walk did me a world of good today.  Chip went with me for about 1/2 of the walk and then he got cold and went home.  I kept walking was kinda glad he went home. I needed the alone time.   Thanks for such great support you are a true angel.

love ya ,
Lisa

Hi Lisa,

    First let me say one piece....not bad,....1 bag would have been bad!
You got up and got out for a walk and got your mind back on track is what it sounds like to
me, good job!

Have a good day,Ella

ps.hope the hip feels better soon.

You know it sound funny now when I read what I wrote.  I know I did good it was only one. I think what was bugging me most fromt he whole thing is I made sure I did this when no one was looking at me.  I did this behind my husband back.  Even hid the wrapper in my dresser draw.  That is what  got to me the most. But after I wrote this on the message board I got  the guts up to tell my husband what I did.  I do not want to turn into the closet eater again.   He was great he let me say what I did he let me cry. and he hug me and told me how proud he was of me.   I went for the long walk over a mile  which helps me get my head on right.  sound funny I bet.  I never thought I would enjoy walking so much.  However the doctor told me to not go everyday for with the new hip I don't want to over work it. Just for now.  The hip is looking great and feelling great.  Still have some lower back problems but in time that should get better.   Thanks Ella so much for the support.  The people here are so great.  There are still such great people in this world.  And I know I am blessed to know so much from here.

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

First, I will never yell at you...not as long as you carry a caneLOL.

I am sorry I did not respond sooner. I had a great time with the kids during Halloween. This year I opted to stay at home and pass out the candy. We chose to buy healthy treats. We passed out Pretzels and Spider rings, and dum-dum pops...ok, so those are not so healthy, but I do not like Lollipops, so it was a good choice.

I did walk with the kids after they came home and then we went to a friends house. They got to Trick O' Treat AGAIN...any idea how much "poison" they brought home????? Whatever you are thinking, think that  X's 3!!!! I packaged it all up and hid it. All except a small bowl they are allowed to chose from.  I know where the stash is, but I have been looking at all things that are no longer "good for me" as cigarrettes. Crazy, but it works. I was able to overcome smoking, by the grace of God. So I believe I can overcome all the things that got me to pre-surgery status. One day at a time.

I know that I am a closet eater also. I give you a lot of credit to reveal what happened to your husband. Allow him, or maybe someone else to check up on you now and then, being 100% honest.

I get frustrated because I do not see the scale moving down at the present. I get pissed becasue I did not go through all of this just to lose 20 lbs!!!! SO...I decided to do something healthy for me, I joined the Y. I will take the kids tomorrow, and have started to map out when I can go.

I also went out on a bike ride today. Huffing and puffing, I rode for 15 minutes in City Park. It was cold but it felt really good! Maybe I need to step up my exercise and increase my protein.

I really do not have any other suggestion for you...you did everything right. You called in the reserves (your husband), you came to confession (OH) and you stepped up to the plate (you went out for a walk)

You know what to do! You have done so well for 7 months!!!!

I am glad that you are scared to return to who you were...if you weren't scared you would fall off the wagon over and over again and then one day never be seen again.

You see a NEW body, a new size, a new lifestyle...I still do not see that, so I look to all of you who are way ahead of me for guidance and suggestion.

Your little "problems" (NOT failures!) help me to realize that I can move on, I can get up and walk around the block again, I can say NO to all those things that want me to fail. If you can do it, so can I!

So kiddo, no yelling, sarcasm, disappointment or reprimands. You are on the right track...get your eyes back on the road and keep walking...oh, and don't forget to sip, sip, sip!

Love ya babe!
~Ruth

Ruth,

 That had to be one of the most moving  reply  I have ever got on the message board.  Thanks for that.  You have come so far since your surgery.  I am proud of you.  With the exercise you will start to drop more and faster.  I have your number so I will try to call you tomorrow we can work out an exercise plan.  Thanks again for your reply it really ment a lot to me. 

Love ya,
Lisa

Your welcome...came straight from the heart.

Funny thing, I bumped into Amy T in the parking lot of Trader's Joe's and she is like, "I know I know you, but I can't place you!" When I told her who I was, she said, "Oh my god, your face changed, you look so thin" (meaning my face)  So I hope that there is a change...I just still don't see it. :P

Call me tomorrow, may be noisy, kids are home tomorrow (yea )

~Ruth