1st Real Mess Up

Last night was the first time since surgery 10 months ago that I really *screwed up*. Lately, I've had a lot going on, I'm going back to school on Tuesday, working extra hours, dealing with life in general, having a mix of emotions from feeling good about myself to feeling fat and ugly again - then to top it all off, the whole comment while I was walking from my last post happened and that was really the last straw. As much as I said I was "over it" I guess I wasn't because I felt like nothing I had accomplished mattered and I feel like I almost wanted to sabotage myself and in doing so say "you think that I'm fat now...well, watch this..." - I know that this is foolish thinking and I logically know that it was wrong but I definitely let it get the best of me and I caved.

So, the main point of the story is that I'd been craving a Fish Filet from McDonalds for so long and last night, on my way home I just went and got one. The whole time I was thinking - "you aren't hungry, just have a bottle of water, its not worth it, you've come this far, etc" and all the while I'm pulling into the drive thru. I ordered it, scrapped ½ of the bread and ate it. BIG MISTAKE. It made me so freakin' sick (which I'm happy about) but I definitely paid for it all night.

I can honestly say that this is the FIRST time that I've messed up like this and I'm hoping that it wont happen again - I cant say that I know it wont because I'm human and I make mistakes. The scary part is that after almost a YEAR of eating healthy and doing things the right way - I let life and stress get the best of me and I turned right back to my worst enemy - food. This just goes to show you that this journey is way more mental than anything else.

This morning I made the mistake of looking up the NUT facts for a fish filet and I almost died - 380 calories - 34 carbs - 15 grams of protein - the scary part is that I cant even pronounce some of the ingredients in the sandwich - I don't even want to know what they are.

I know recently someone posted that they would like to have a daily eating post of our own and I completely agree - with what happened last night I need it. I need to be held accountable for my actions.

So - from now on, I, or anyone for that matter, will post the daily eating thread to keep us all accountable.

I know that I'll probably be looked down upon for posting this and for actually messing up but like I said before - I'm human.

Thanks for listening.

~Laura

Looked down upon?  by us?  nooooooo way!!!!  As you said - you are human!  The first step you need to do is forgive yourself - then get on with it.   You are so right - this isn't a physical problem we all have - it is in our heads.   I know you're a horse person - so - get right back up on that horse girl - you're doing so great!

Pam

Thanks for the encouragement Pam. Sometimes this is *WAY* harder than I ever could have imagined.

I'm so glad that I have you guys to support me!

~Laura

look down on you...not in a million years!!! i look up to you for your honesty and sharing your feelings..we all make "mistakes"
and today is another day and look on the bright side your not gonna want a fish filet from mcD's anytime soon..  Kim

Today is another day and I have put all my meals into fitday.com and I am at a conservative 700 calories for the day. Everything is planned out and I'm content today. I screwed up and I have to live with it. I just hate that my first choice of an outlet was food.

Thanks for your support.

~Laura

We all have a weak moment and have something that we shouldn't...it happens.. regardless of what stage in this process we are, we are human....but it sounds like you paid the price for it and I am sure that you probably won't do that again.

I don't think anyone on here can claim that they have been perfect and NEVER ate something that they shouldn't have eaten. The best thing to do is say...ok it is over and done, learned my lesson and look forward....

I know that you have alot going on in your life right now and the event that happened the other day still might of lingered with you, but you know we ALL have your back on here if you need to vent or need a shoulder!

Smile for me!

-Rob

 

Thanks Rob! You are a great friend. I really appreciate you support. I know that everyone makes mistakes and you are right - I do have a lot going on right now - but thats life and I dont want to turn to food anymore.... Next time, I'm going to log onto OH and post something!

~Laura

I could never look down at you.  Not for how far you have come. Like you said your human and human make mistake. But you are also special to all of us here. Next time you get that feeling sabotage.  Look back at your message board of you getting on that horse for your birthday. To be able to ride agian. Don't sabotage for a jerk like the guy  yelling out in a car.  He is not worth it. But that horse is so worth it to be able to ride. 

So don't beat yourself up for the fish sandwich at least you ditched most of the bread. beside you said you paid for it that night.  You are one of the people of many here that keep me going it is nice to know you are human. lol.   like i have said before you are loved

Lisa

Thanks Lisa. You are right - I need to think about all the things I can do now and realize that it wasnt worth it. Whether I want it again or not, I know I wont eat it because boy was I sick...

~Laura

Laura- we are all human and mess up.  Luckily- or unluckily as to how you felt last night, something smacked you in the face and said "NO WAY".  I wish at times I had a mechanism that would hit me for bad decisions.  You are doing fantastic!