Feeling Ashamed

Just wondering if anyone else has had this feeling at all. I haven't told anyone but my husband about the surgery.  My mom has had RNY and I haven't even told her yet.  Part of me just wants to keep this private and feel like it is nobody's business, especially at work.  I work for a large organization and I don't know many of the staff, but gossip about them flies.  There is a woman in another department who has had breast augmentation and I have heard so many things about her that it is terrible.  She sneezes and people blame her implants!  I know that it's just ignorance, but I don't want to be the topic of gossip.  I don't want to be stared at when I go to other buildings, I don't want to be the "girl who had weight loss surgery".  In some ways it makes me feel like I've failed at life somehow.  I've actually heard people say that having WLS is the "easy way out."  Just plain ignornace - it is not the easy way out!  It just feels like if I tell one person than everyone will know.   I know that I need to come to terms wtih this becuase I will be losing weight and I don't want to lie to people, but it just feels like someting that is private.  And yes in some ways I feel as though I've failed.  I've lost weight before and have not been able to keep it off long term.  I am 100% confident about the decision I have made and don't feel like I need the approval of anyone but myself, so why am I so ashamed of people finding out? It's funny that I'm ok with being labeled "the fat girl" but not "the girl who had surgery". 

I completely understand what you are feeling. I haven't told anyone that I am going to have WLS except my immediate family and my best friend. ONE, because it's no one else's business. TWO, because I have failed at WL so many times that I don't want the gossip. THREE, because I know that people are conditioned to think that WLS IS the easy way out. But, HONESTLY, I feel like a failure at weight loss! After all, this is the last resort! And here I am! I have failed, literally, EVERYthing else! Now, in order to be healthy I HAVE to have WLS!.............So, the only thing I can say to help you is that you had LapBand and will lose at a 'normal' rate of 1-2 lbs (or so) per week. So no one should really notice that you had WLS. And if anyone asks how you're doing it, tell them you are eating right (which you are) and you just found what works for you. Otherwise, if the 'secret' is really bothering you.....tell them the whole truth and be known as the girl who had surgery AND SUCEEDED! Who knows, maybe there's another 'fat' girl or guy at work who needs a good power of example. Then you'll be known as a GOOD POWER OF EXAMPLE! Good Luck! Jules

Hi Jenny!

I did the same thing! There are very few people that know that I had the RNY surgery. That's my business!

I even told my boss that I needed surgery to remove a hianial hernia. "so why the massive weight loss?" I told all that since the operation I joined the gym and watched what I ate - and that explains the weight loss!

Good luck!

I totally agree- it isn't anyone else's business.  Particularly people at work.  Unless they've been there & struggled with weight issues, they won't have a clue.  Also, let's face it:  for all the weight loss products out there, all the gyms, etc., people want it to be a real struggle for people to lose weight, and surgery is perceived as taking the easy way out- which, I don't even really need to mention, isn't true.  When it came time for my surgery, I told a few people I knew I could trust, and at work they think I am out for surgery to help my back- which isn't exactly a lie.  Keep it to yourself & you won't get negative reactions. 

I absolutely know how you feel.  Only my immediate family knows about this surgery (and not even all of them).  I wasn't even going to tell them, but while I was in the hospital recovering, I made a phone call.  I didn't want everyone to always judge what I put on my plate or in my mouth with a "should you really be eating that".  I didn't want to explain to tons of people. When/if the time is right for me- I may tell more people.  The strange thing is now, after my surgery, I will tell people I really don't know if somehow it comes up in a conversation.  (told my new hairdresser and someone at a health food store).   Work gossips are just that- they don't need to know.  Heck- if they are so interested in how you are doing it- make up a really weird diet and see how many people suffer through it as you sit back and snicker.  How bout the onion diet- since onions are negative calories, you have to put 2 large slices on everything you eat.  Ok- so I am secretly evil

Hi all - sorry I've been out of touch - kids have kept me very busy lately... wanted to weigh in on this one...  I too didn't tell many before surgery - basically didn't want to get alot of unsolicited advice.  Now I want to shout from the rooftops and be the spokesperson for WLS  lol.  I understand what you mean about the being ashamed thing - kind of.  But, ask yourself... Are you ashamed of having the surgery or getting to the point of needing the surgery?  Please remember - this is for YOU - no one else.  You are the one that has to feel good about it - it really is no one elses business!  If the ashamed thing is because you got to this point (which is how I think I felt) - remember you are doing something about it!!  You are in control of this. I have a friend at work who had lap band done - she didn't tell anyone at work except for me - since she knew I had the RNY.  Sometimes she regrets not telling people - but we do have some that are too into your business and she felt better not saying anything.  I support her in what she chose - it is HER decision!  All people see is that she is dieting - she looks great and feels great! Best of luck to you! Pam