venting!!!

I am furious!!!  As I had mentioned a while ago, I did not want to make my surgery public news.  So much so, almost no one in my family knows, with the exception of my husband and children, and my brother's girlfriend- a close friend of mine.  I did not feel like being judged, nor did I want to feel like I had 8 million pairs of eyes on everything I put in my mouth.  I was going to share at some point- but at a point I was ready to tell them.   WELL!!!  My husband was on the phone chatting with his mother today and he said something about my surgery on Weds.  Oops- he "let it slip".  Well I know my mother in law, and I know if I was told someone close to me was having surgery and I didn;t know about it- I would not let them off the phone without a million questions.  He was off the phone with no questions asked- which means I KNOW he told her about it before- when I was VERY definate I didn't want people to know- esp his side of the family.  They are all thin and have never had weight problems- and love to talk about people!!  Don;t get me wrong- I love his family- but not to have just another thing that I screwed up at- and am going to take the "easy way out"  being judged by all of them!!  They have all of the very negative ideas of WLS in thier heads.  Now, on top of being a nervous wreck over this, trying to prepare for surgery, and everything else going on- I get to face them all at Easter dinner as they look down upon me.  I really don't know if I am strong enough to handle this

I understand your pain but what you have to remember is you are the one who makes the decision to have this surgery and you are doing it for your health.  I was approached with the "your taking the easy way out" slur and i quite frankly said look i am more likely to die from being overweight and from medical problems than from having the surgery.  Also it helps to get rid of the medical issues in most people.and live a better life.  So i cant tell you how to approach family members but its your personal business and if you do not want to bring it up at easter dinner then dont, if they start to drill you about it then put them in thier place right away and tell them its your life and either they are supportive or else...   LOL you are doing so well preparing yourself for this i hope you have a smooth dinner and who knows maybe it will be better than you think.  Good Luck! ! !  Donnie

I also know how you feel.  Since I couldn't get away without people knowing I was going in for surgery, I made one up.  How sad is that?  This surgery is not an "easy way out".  Especially with all the tests we've all been put through & all the failures at past dieting.  It bothers me that I have to lie about a surgery because I can't face the way family members would react to me if they knew the truth.  Good luck on Easter with the family.  Try not to let them ruin this time in your life, you will soon be on the loosers bench!!

Oofff I got hit with "The Easy Way Out" jab to and I went off. Alexia, If I can just say one thing - You are doing this for you, because YOU want a healthy Life. I've found that in my 26 years of existance, you can't really pay attention to the people that talk smack. You can correct them and say "Well I didn't really think that RISKING MY LIFE TO SAVE MY LIFE would be considered "Taking the easy way out" but if you do that's your perogative". and if they do continue its probably because, they don't have the balls to step up and take charge when they have the opportunity like you have done, and they're jealous.
At easter dinner, beat them to the punch, pull his mother off to the side and Say, I want the truth, ask her if she had mentioned your procedure to anyone else in the family. If she says yes, clear the air right after the ham gets cut. People I've found that people often are ignorrant about WLS in a whole. Unless you live it you don't really know. When in doubt....Educate!!!!

Be strong, you've made it this far.

Yes, I'm hearing you.  My husband did the same. Initial reaction- grr! But take it from someone with life experience.  It's all about attitude or "framing."  Look at it in a different light- one that works FOR you rather than against you.   YOU are being pro-active.  YOU are a pathblazer.  YOU have decided to be healthy. It's what 's referred to as a "teaching moment." 

"Secrets" are never good anyway.  They always get out & you usually can't control the after affects. So get it out there yourself.  YOUR attitude will make all the difference. Smile, laugh, sing, dance, be happy. If you're having 8 million pairs of eyes on you, you may as well give them something worth looking at!

Bring some pamphlets with you & pass them out. People tend to fear the unknown.  How did you screw up anyway?  They can't actually "judge" you unless you allow it.   If this is the worse thing that ever happens to you, it ain't so bad!  It certainly beats diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. So don't let anyone even attempt to rob you of the anticipatory joy that you are feeling!  They can't take it unless you give it. Happy Easter! 

Hey Alexia,

I understand where you are at.   I told my children, mom and youngest sister.   I didn't want anyone else to know.  My sister after me found out, I was upset, and was making negative comments.   As stated by others, ignorance is blinding.   She could mention what she heard others  talk about.   I kindly educated her and let her know it was my choice to be healthy.  I have since gotten only support from my family.   I am learning everyday to not allow people to make me feel bad about my wls decision.   I did it for me.  Take care and I will be praying for you that your dinner will be peaceful.

Robin 

Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement.  I wi**** would be as education with these people.  Unfortunately, they still think that even something like severe bi-polar disorder can just be treated with a tough hand and occasional slap in the head.  I was going to share the news- but when I was ready.  I wasn't going to go around telling people that I was just losing weight through diet and exercise.  I really just wanted to wait until after, until I was ok, on track, didn't have to worry about me so much. ps- were do you guys get your protien shakes/suppliments?  I went to GNC today, and got something, but wanted more selection

Hi Alexia,  I know where you're coming from. I have chosen to tell only a select few as well. Frankly, I just don't want to hear it and I don't want them watchin' my every move. Just like you. I have lost and gained so much weight so often that I still have that fear of failing talking to me like it's the devil on my shoulder. That said, please consider this. Yes, we are the individuals who are actually having this surgery and the results that go with it. However, our loved ones who are closest to us (the ones whom we entrusted our 'lil secret' with) are also going through this journey with us! They have their own concerns and fears. And maybe they need their own support system(s) as well. Have a great Easter. Please let us know how it works out for you! Jules

I am so sorry but your husband is really the one to blame here.   If the topic is brought up Sunday...I would  nicely respond...."I would rather not talk about it" and leave it to that. If someone pushes for answer...ignore them.  If they are gossipers (like my X-inlaws), they are going to talk regardless of how much or how less of information they have.  I sure hope they don't ruin your day.